To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

[PrincessBananaH]

We are in a team of 10, all women in our 20s and 30s. I have noticed 3-4 of them have become quite close and often do things together outside of work, go out for lunch when in the office without inviting others and have their own Teams chat etc.
I am generally quite mature and don’t get absorbed into office dynamics (I am friendly and open with everyone but I am not clicky or bestie with anyone either) but this has been bothering me a bit lately. I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.
Some of these behaviours bring me back to school days, AIBU to be bothered by it?

I have apologised, and I was not the only person to raise the point.
So piss off

Sorry, my phone changed a couple of words, and I was also disturbed mid-post so my flow was disturbed. Somewhat ironic given the nature of my post. I’ll correct it:

Phonetically, click and clique seem similar, and if you had never seen the word written down I can understand the mistake. My understanding is that it is a French word, pronounced ‘cleek’ or sometimes ‘klick’ But ‘click’ written down in this context is a mistake. It’s not a regional spelling.

To add, I apologise OP if you found my cod liver oil comment too upsetting. Of course I knew what you meant and apologise also for somewhat derailing the thread. I just had this image in my head of office staff walking to the printer with their joints clicking and I just had an urge to type. I thought it was at least mildly amusing.

I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.

But do you ask them if they want to join you if you see they're on their own?
Do you ask anyone else if they want to join you?
Do the rest of you go in groups too?

I mean, if I had a friend in the office, I'd probably choose to go to lunch with them because I like my friends and spending time with them. If they weren't in, I probably wouldn't ask someone else to go with me because I wouldn't think they'd particularly want to. If they asked me, I'd probably say yes though.

They may have banded together because the anti-sociable 6 other people in the office never want to go to lunch with them...

There is confusion because lots of people in different English-speaking places do pronounce “clique” as “click” — which is fine and not wrong, just an Anglicised way of saying an originally French word.

But to actually write “click” instead of “clique” is technically a mistake, regardless of where you are. An understandable one, a homophone error, and it might gain traction in informal usage but it’s not correct.

(I don’t judge at all if people happen to get stuff wrong, and would never pull someone up. But I still find it interesting when a usage debate kicks off)

Gah, crossed posts with other language musers

Thinking about it in our office it’s totally the opposite. There are some close friendships but it tends to be a general “who’s coming out for lunch” call out, and nobody is purposefully excluded.

that said our office is very mixed gender and slightly more guys than girls. I don’t think guys have the tendency to be cliquey nearly as much.

So what have these grown women actually done wrong?
They've formed a lovely friendship group in work and choose to spend their free time together?

Anyone else thinking the spelling nazis should feck off to pedants corner?

I think you need to put yourself out there and make an effort if you want to be involved! I like to have lunch on my own… I like the peace 😆

@Everanewbie
I didn't suggest it was a regional spelling...but it is a well known colloquialism, at least where I live. I don't think spelling comes into it, it's just a case of writing what you hear. Click doesn't have a correct or incorrect spelling in this context. It's usually spoken.

Yeah, so it’s a colloquialism or anglicised pronunciation of clique as “click” but it’s always spelt as “clique” unless in error.

I’m not going to post further as it is disrupting the discussion OP wanted to have. Apologies once more for being pedant, and a cheap joke. Good night all 👍

Yes I see what you mean.
But you know...this is a chat forum not an exam, so I don't think it warrants correcting.
Personally I like hearing the inflection in posts when people write as they would speak. It's...chatty.

I'm also sorry about labouring the point. Goodnight to you.

Yep, it's tiresome isn't it?

Especially as some of them haven't bothered to read the thread, just jumped in with their not-so-funny remarks without realising other posters have already said the same thing. It makes them look a bit dim, frankly, as well as unkind. It's just not necessary.

@PrincessBananaH hope you're OK. You're being very gracious in the face of some nitpicky posts.

I see both sides.

People can say "people are allowed to be friends".

But when you are in the "included" group you don't realise how bad the people feel that are not included.

When you feel left out, it is horrible.
Especially when you see these people every day at work.

I remember being in a workplace of 7 Women.

5 of them would hang out together and completely leave me and one other colleague out. They would go for drinks straight after work loads of times, and never ask us.

I always felt awful in that Job. I used to go home and cry. I left the job because of their behaviour, even though I liked the job.

A woman successfully sued her workplace for damages recently, for not being invited by her colleagues on a night out

In that Job I just described my ex colleagues even did this.

They made a work whatsapp chat for all 7 of us colleagues. I began to wonder why nothing was ever posted in it.

Eventually one of them let it slip, that they actually had another work whatsapp chat for just the five colleagues in the clique, and they posted everything about work related things in there.

They had made a "work whatsapp" for all 7 of us, and never posted in it to make me and the other colleague think we weren't being excluded. Then they made a separate whatsapp chat just for the five of them to talk about everything. They were sneaky

It’s shit. My workplace is like this and they think it’s lovely - ‘we’re like family’. Except is alienating for new people and cliquey.

@Carly944 same as me, I feel like a saddo but I’ve cried over it. If you work around 40 hours a week then that’s generally more than you spend with a family or partner so it’s just shit when they decide you don’t fit the clique (or won’t even allow you to try!).

this, sorry. Lots of people make friends through work.

It's completely normal for some people in a group to get on better with others and then develop the relationship outside of the original parameters (whether that's colleagues, people who go to the same gym, do the same hobby, have kids at the same school, etc.) to become friends. In fact that's pretty much the ONLY way most people make friends. If you think of your own friends, however you met them, there were probably other people around at the same time that for whatever reason you didn't become friends with.
If it was 9 of them leaving just you out, then that would be mean. If it in any way affected your actual working relationship - i.e. they discussed work or agreed projects with one another and then left others out that would be unfair. If there was a work outing and they didn't invite you that would be bullying...but it doesn't sound like any of that is happening.

They are not getting paid when they are socialising outside of work and having lunch together - it's their own time therefore they can choose who to spend it with. Would it be nicer if they asked everyone if they wanted to go for lunch - maybe yes but tbh trying to sort a time and place for 10 people every single day is a faff and would get awkward.

You all work together but they see some of you as colleagues and the others as friends and that's completely normal.

People are allowed to choose their friends, it doesn't make them cliquey.

@1offnamechange I think we get that, it’s about a clique that purposefully makes others feel unwelcome.

Actually be friends outside of work. Knock yourselves out. But it’s shit and unprofessional to have little groups that leave people out or make people feel uncomfortable. No one cares if you’re chummy outside of work.

Meh work isn’t a charity and I’m not there to be friends with colleagues I don’t want to socialise with. I’ll be nice to everyone but my time is precious and I’m not going out of my way for those I don’t click with just because it’s the work place.

i have a couple of very close friends at work because we click and enjoy each others company likewise there are other colleagues who I don’t particularly want them to know me on a personal level and I’m not friends with them.

had an awful colleague who complained to HR because I went on a three day holiday with three of my work friends 😂

get a life and get your own friends

I think there's a difference though between people being friends and people leaving people out.

In my current job, there are two women who are very close to each other. They are the same age and have a lot of the same interests. They are friends.

However they are nice, and both of them are very friendly to me when they talk to me. I know they are closer to each other then they are to me, but they have never made me feel excluded. They are nice kind people
.
It's very different to a workplace I used to work in, where the women there always made me feel left out

Don't be a dick. It is perfectly clear what the OP means.

No need to be an arsehole.