to not feed my DS's friend snacks?

[TwinklyBlueFawn]

We live two doors down from one of DS's school friends, I'll call him B. They are both 9.

They love playing with each other and will spend a lot of time knocking for each other and then going between our two houses. We have absolutely no problems with them playing together, DS is an only child and playing with B after school and on the weekends is his favourite thing to do.

However, every time B comes over, he asks for snacks, multiple times. Or rather, he gets my DS to ask for snacks. If B is at our house, I'll give the boys one snack. B usually goes home for lunch and then they'll commence playing again later in the afternoon. During the time the boys are at our house, B will ask for snacks every hour!

It's getting to the point where it feels like B is wanting constant food. Every day that B is at our house, he will ask for a snack and I've even seen him open our snack cupboard without asking first!

Last Sunday, B stayed for lunch and the boys had a chicken burger with salad + cheese, strawberries, a banana and some mini crackers. They also both had milk with their food. 10 minutes later, DS comes downstairs and says 'can B have a snack, hes hungry?'. I said no as they'd just had lunch. DS went back upstairs and I heard him say to B that there were no snacks, and B said 'its not fair' in quite a whiny voice.

I do know that B's parents are more strict with their diets as DS has told me they don't have 'nice snacks' eg crisps / biscuits / cheese snacks etc. We have a more 'everything in moderation' attitude to food, so I understand that B may just want the opportunity to eat a little junk, as he cant at home. But I feel a bit aggrieved at the expectation that we have an endless supply of snacks for B - especially when DS rarely wants one himself.

Yesterday, DS again came down and said B wanted a snack and I told him that B could go to his own house and get a snack. I did feel a bit mean afterwards, AIBU?

What are you on about that's loads of food are you deliberately being obtuse or are you feeding your son all day ?

This! Even if you gave him snacks every time he asked, I'd be a bit annoyed if I was his parent and you knew that I was more restrictive about snacks at home.

Exactly and I'd be satisfied with that for lunch, it certainly doesn't NEED chips with it

A small amount of food? For a 9yr old? 🙄

Sorry OP, the snark wasn't for you it was for PP who was being shitty about parents who are more boundaried around food. FWIW I don't think your system of mine is perfect or particularly bad.

I think the people who feed their children utter crap then pretend it's the children who don't ever eat crap who will have poor diets are the issue. I know the parents at school whose children eat UPF all day and they are not the ones who say, "no thanks" to bags of sweets.

You said "Last Sunday, B stayed for lunch and the boys had a chicken burger with salad + cheese, strawberries, a banana and some mini crackers. They also both had milk with their food."

I'm not surprised that B was still hungry afterwards and wanting a snack, as that is a small amount of food with very little to fill him up.

Wth?!!! It was lunch and that’s plenty for a 9 year old. Should OP have cooked a 3 course meal instead? 🤨

That sounds like a nice sized lunch for a nine year old. I think B just wanted the kinds of snack food he doesn’t get regularly at his home. Op is not responsible for that. A simple no more snacks, only one a day should be sufficient.

I guess it depends what "chicken burger with salad + cheese, strawberries, a banana and some mini crackers" actually consists of, as to whether it's a lot of food or not.

If it's something like a McDonald's happy meal chicken burger with the "salad" being the limp slice of lettuce and tomato and plastic cheese then it's not much. If it's something like a Birds Eye chicken burger in a bun with salad and normal cheese it's a bit better, although chicken burgers normally contain less than 50% chicken and there's a lot of added crap.

If it's a chicken breast in a wholemeal bun with a plateful of mixed salad and then fruit and crackers on the side then yes of course it's enough.

As I said, the boy is probably used to being filled up with more protein and vegetables at home so might be genuinely hungry at the OP's house, but that's not her problem and she should send him home for food. I'm not criticising or arguing with people here about what constitutes a good diet for kids. My kids eat very healthily and drink water only and they don't go around to people's houses asking for snacks all the time as they genuinely don't crave a lot of processed stuff and never have done.

@TotalDramarama24

a chicken burger plus fruit plus mini crackers is PLENTY for lunch !

what exactly do you think OP should be feeding then for lunch ?

My kids eat very healthily and drink water only and they don't go around to people's houses asking for snacks all the time as they genuinely don't crave a lot of processed stuff and never have done.

Ha ha ha, not that you know of anyway.

Even if it was a Happy Meal (the horror 😱) that along with strawberries, a banana and crackers is still plenty for lunch.

FFS it might be plenty for the OP's son but might not be enough for someone used to eating more food so he might still be hungry!! What is so difficult to understand?!

Whether he is used to eating more is irrelevant. That meal us perfectly adequate for a 9 year old. If he's greedy thats his problem. Why is that do difficult to understand

Then he can go home and ask his parents for more food, that is a perfectly acceptable lunch for a 9 year old

Unless you suspect food poverty or deliberate abuse through starving, you did the right thing. I suspect DS's parents are controlling his food intake for his own benefit and to go against that would be bad for DS and rude to his parents (implying they are neglecting their child and potentially over feeding him, when he needs to not eat so much/so unhealthily for his own good.) Make it very clear after a meal what you expect - "remember kids you don't need to snack all evening". Or "I'll bring you up some fruit at X time". If DS still doesn't get the hint, talk to his parents about it.

Might feel a bit unfair to him but his parents will probably appreciate you not giving them if they don’t at home! I try to balance snacks but we do have the fun stuff in, as well as healthy. We have friend that have a no limit snack cupboard & will give my 2 no end of crap when we go round! I have to pretty forcefully say NO! Or mine will absolutely take advantage!!!