Why are you married?

[Aquarius1234]

Why did you bother getting married?

Do you feel one or both of you are insecure hense the marriage?

Do you feel superior to those in long term relationships but not married?

We'd been together almost 20 years before we got married. When we finally did it was for unromantic reasons like pensions and being able to turn off each other's life support. It didn't make any difference to our relationship and it certainly didn't affect how we think of others which is almost always (with exceptions for domestic abuse etc) along the lines of their relationship is for them to worry about. I hardly ever wear my wedding ring, and I didn't change my name, so other people can think what they like about me/us.

@AnneLovesGilbert oops sorry I thought you meant me as I had posted above about not being married 😅

I got married for the legal benefits and before having children after living together for 20 years. Never worn a ring or changed my name.
I suppose I do wonder why some women don't especially with children.

We're married. One of the reasons was to protect my husband and our little one financially were the worst ever happen to me. But I'm definitely not a Mrs! 😀

Phew, you had me worried there for a mo! 😉

We wanted to be married before having children. Also, we believe in marriage, both our parents have very happy marriages.

Why so goady?
Are you feeling ok,

We loved each other. DH was more keen on marriage than me.

I have never felt anything about anyone else's relationship- never mind superior. I couldn't care less what other people do. My brother and his partner aren't married as that suits them 🤷🏼‍♀️

Because I loved him and was told I was going to die and needed him to be able to get my pension to support our daughter when I am not earning and no longer here and a few other legal reasons.

Eh?

Because he was whingeing that we should have a child and he was separated from his first wife but 'hadn't got around' to pushing the divorce through.

I said 'if you want a baby, mate, get divorced and we get married, then we think about a baby'. So he did.

Coming from an Irish background and having seen friends flounder when they discovered that the common law wife thing was nonsense, there was no way I was having a child if unmarried but then, this was nearly 40 years ago! This wasn't about legitimate/illegitimate, it was about being sure that the bloke could be made to pay his share of raising the child if things went wrong.

No. Highly left wing wife over here 🙌

You may not mean it to, but your post comes over as really rather unpleasant, op - perhaps it's just that reading text loses the tone, so could be read as genuinely interested / curious or just plain unpleasant as there are no options given for positive reasons for marriage.

Many people marry for the simplest of reasons - they love each other and want to make a commitment to each other.

Some people marry for the financial and legal securities marriage confers - but still would be unlikely to do so without love and commitment.

Some people get married because they've been together a while and it seems the thing to do next - but would they have stuck together that long without love?

Some get married because they love each other and fancy a big celebration of that love.

Maybe a few do it for purely mercenary reasons.

Pretty sure noone does it purely to feel superior to single people!

It's concerning that none of your options seem to consider simply loving each other as being a reason for marriage, and it makes you seem somewhat bitter.

I am definitely NOT conservative or indeed Conservative

Not sure what you want to get from this. We’re married as we love each other and wanted that commitment, and as a mum who has made career/financial sacrifices, I wanted the protection that being married gives you.

YANBU to ask.
I'm not married. We got engaged then found out I was pregnant 6 weeks later.
I never married him as our relationship went very downhill after DD was born. We are still together, only just a lot of the time.
He still asks me sometimes if we should arrange a wedding. Something stops me, even though I'm married in all but name.
Our families don't like each other. If I married now it'd be for financial security and to have the same surname as DD.
I think this is unusual. Most people I know got married as they love each other.

For me it felt like a natural next step in our relationship. We had moved in together and knew we wanted a family. We both felt that marriage was a way to symbolically create that family unit and we wanted our son to share the same name as both of us. Personally I really liked the idea of having a wedding as it felt like marking both of our families being joined together through our commitment and we had an amazing day celebrating with all the people we loved. It felt like a way to make promises to each other in a way where we were accountable to each other in front of those who we are closest to. I loved my husband and it felt right for us. For me there were also religious reasons and in reality it also offered financial and practical security. But first and foremost it very much felt like the first step in us working towards building our own wee family unit.

I don't see why anyone who is married would look down on anyone in a long term relationship. At the end of the day the commitment, compromise, sacrifice and work that goes into the relationship is the same and to me that's all that really matters at the end of the day. I think it just comes down to personal preference and as others have said, I think that if someone is using it as a way to seem like they are "better than", that's probably more reflective of their personality in general than being married.

This. I'm wondering if English isn't OP's first language.

Just very very odd.

My nan married for love they loved each other they had no money at the time.
The didnt marry each other for money legal reasons it was not expected of them either.
They just met one day very young and fell in love and that was that they didnt care what others thought.
They waited 6 year before they got married
Grandad past away at 89 nan is now 92 the only man she had eyes for was grandad.
She always told us and her own children marry for love only if you marry for money you wont be happy because you married the money not the love.

I wouldn't have had children without being married first. More security for me and the child(ren). But I also did want to throw a big party with my family and friends. My husband is my favourite person and I'm happy we made that a formal declaration. Co-habiting couples, single, civil partnerships, you do you!

We married because we love each other deeply and both very much wanted to have that commitment to each other. For me it also makes life simple/uncomplicated if illness or other major life events happen and at that time (30+ years ago) men had few rights over their children if they weren't married to the mother, which I felt was an unfair position to put my child's father in.

We have simple hand beaten wedding bands which are symbol of our love for each other. I never wanted / don't want an engagement ring or other fancy ring, so that money was spent on beautiful rings from an artisan goldsmith.

I don't see how a ring would stop someone cheating--there are plenty of men/women who don't care if someone is married/in a long term relationship (I see them as equal from a moral POV), and others who even see it as a challenge, so all a ring might do, is reduce the pool of affair partners a little .

I don't think either of us married because we felt insecure, we just loved each other and wanted to have that legal commitment to each other. Our wedding was simple and fun, so it wasn't about having a big event either.

I don't know about DH as it's not something we've ever discussed, but (provided there's no abuse) I don't have an opinion on other people's choice to marry or not. It's such a personal thing and surely all that matters is that they're happy and doing what works for them.

I'm 38 actually.

Do you feel one or both of you are insecure hense the marriage?

Do you feel superior to those in long term relationships but not married?

Eh? Bizarre questions OP. Bit of context wouldn't go amiss.

So similar age to me, we aren’t old fuddy duddies, I hope I didn’t offend, I just see myself as young (at heart maybe 🤣) still

Eh? That would mean the majority of working class people (who don't vote Tory) wouldn't be married!