Please tell me the joys you have of living alone

[Lupin61]

I will be living alone soon after an abusive marriage (he was having a long term affair and making me believe I was losing my mind when I became suspicious).
even though I’ll be glad to be free of the gaslighting and cold, distant behaviour I am still feeling very strange about living on my own again. I would really appreciate if some of you who are in the same boat can tell me some of the things you love about it

You can really get to know yourself again. You only need to consider your tastes and what works for you, it’s up to you what happens when and who’s allowed in.

This new home can be your haven.

You can have everything just the way you want it, no compromises.

You can do what you like, when you like!

You can eat what you like whenever you like, watch and listen to anything you want, stay in the bathroom for as long as you please and take up the whole bed to yourself 😊

I’m happily married but my god I would love to not have to compromise on everything all the time.

Decor, holidays, meals, restaurant choice, which cleaning products they like… I could go on.

It's a great opportunity to rediscover who you and what you like.

You can create a haven.

• Watch what you like on TV
• Decorate to your taste
• Sleep on whatever side of the bed you like (with NO snoring!)
• Kitchen is free to cook what you enjoy and clean when you want to
• Listen to your own music
• Invite who you like over
• Get a pet if you'd like one
• Read
• Have a little yoga area or meditation area
• Put up photos of things that matter to you
• Creat a vision board and put it up

It sounds like an exciting time!

Doing what I want, when I want.
I have a little dog and she’s great company. All the company I need really.
what don’t I miss - picking up the dirty laundry, clearing up the kitchen, living room you name it. Place stays much tidier when you live on your own.
Embrace it and enjoy

It may take time, to discover who you really are, without the shadow of anxiety and fear, caused by mood swings, the silent treatment and gas lighting.
But you will be able to breathe deeply in your new safe space and enjoy the peace and solitude and the simple pleasures of choosing how to spend your time, without having to second guess and tread on eggshells.

I left an abusive relationship when pregnant and although I don’t live ‘alone’ in the sense that I live with my child - I live with no partner and no other adults. The freedom is wonderful, I know I’m safe and can do what I want essentially without treading on eggshells in my own home.

I know this is not the point of your post, but you saying that he made you feel crazy when you knew he was cheating - my ex did the exact same. I got to the point where I collected ‘evidence’ to show him to prove that I wasn’t crazy and he still scoffed in my face and told me I was insane and going crazy and making it up to ‘accuse him’. I literally thought I was losing it, he really made me believe I had some undiagnosed mental disorder.

Are you in the same home that you endured the abuse in? If you are, as hard as it is, my advice would be to move and start fresh to enable you to heal. I initially still lived in the home after I left and it had so many negative memories attached to it that I constantly was triggered and it felt like I was stuck in a place where I was unable to heal. Since I moved, I could start ‘fresh’ and any memories made in my new home are positive without the cloud of trauma attached to it.

Sorry you had to go through that too. I’ll be moving as the home we are in was his originally before we got married.
he did the same to me and made me feel like I was batshit crazy all of the time even when I had 100% evidence that he was having an affair. I remember him laughing in my face at how pathetic he thought I was being on many occasions.

I do and I love it
It's peaceful
I've decorated MY house MY way
No arguments.
No walking on eggshells
My kids listen
My house is tidy as I know its purely My responsibility for making sure that it is clean
The list goes on
I love my own company i so never feel lonely when the kids are at school/ nursery

I'm rather envious of people who live alone. There's a peace in solitude.
You can do what you want, when you want . You can use your time more efficiently. You can have peace.
Sleeping alone may give a more restful sleep, and your body may physically feel more comfortable.

Congratulations on leaving your ex , and on your new start.

Well done on getting free lovely, I know how it feels. My home now is my haven. Granted it’s hard work with two kids messing it up constantly 😅 but aside from the simple pleasures - decorating how you like, eating/watching/doing what you like, starfishing across your bed etc… The biggest thing for me is living in peace. I am calm, mostly happy, mostly anxiety free. I do not feel I’m on eggshells all the time (or ever!). I’m 9 years on and still pinch myself at times that I can just be. The peace and safety and calm I have in my life and home is something I will never take for granted.
This is a wonderful new chapter in your life. Be proud of yourself, enjoy your freedom and most of all, don’t ever let anyone take your peace away from you again ❤️ xxx

It took me a while to adjust but now I love it

I love having family members to stay with me but will also admit that it's a bit of a relief when they return home!

One of my friends said to me that there are three strands to living alone:- there are the practical aspects to running and maintaining a home, the financial responsibilities and the emotional aspects

My advice would be to take your time, how you feel the first week, month or even year may change as you adjust to all that you have endured and all the changes you are going through

Best wishes, OP . . . be kind to yourself and hope it all works out well for you

Peace and tranquility

I moved in by myself after a breakup. It was so much better! My place is a haven.
You can do what you want, when you want. Be alone if you like, or invite guests. Your choice of decor. When you clean, it stays clean. Your own choice of food and the food you buy stays there. You can be as naked as you like, as glamorous as you like, have a bed the way you like it. Watch/listen to what you like. Sleep as long as you need and then eat something nice from the fridge and take a leisurely shower in a clean bathroom etc.
It's strange at first but you won't look back. Get yourself a treat for the first night and enjoy!

I am so much more relaxed living alone. Reduced anxiety, can take as much time cooking or in the bath and not worry i’m hogging stuff. Can play loud -ish music without worrying if it’s to their taste. Don’t need to worry about my guests imposing on anyone since it’s just me they’re staying with and on the flipside I don’t need to deal with any guests I don’t want in my home! Also aside from guests I don’t need to clean up after anyone apart from myself.

Never lived full-time with a partner but I have had flatmates in the past and sometimes it was awful . I had one flatmate threaten me and years later another one remove a knife from the knife block straight after we argued (she done it to spook me). Also had one couple I stayed with who had their sister and both sets of parents come to stay most weekends. Their sister would stink out the bathroom 😵‍💫 and I’m pretty sure she was spying in my bedroom .

So I can empathise with the relief of leaving a toxic environment.

It’s also why I roll my eyes when people blithely suggest single people struggling with expenses can just easily “get a lodger”or housemate. Yes, it can work out but it’s not always that easy if you value your mental health. It can be hard enough living with someone you love and share a bed with let alone a stranger /friend.

No moaning at someone for using the last of the milk, something you'd bought and were going to eat, etc

(People will probably turn up on the thread at some point saying that they still have all these benefits even though they live with somebody else, by the way.)

I had no confidence left when I finally broke up with my ex. Living alone was the point when I started to remember who I was, what I thought and what I liked. I hope you get that from it too, OP.

I’m looking forward to being able to cook what I want as I used to enjoy being adventurous with my recipes but he was so fussy

I bought a new recipe book last weekend & I’m making myself one thing from it a week, double or triple portions so I can freeze the leftovers - would you enjoy something like that, OP?

That sounds really lovely . . . . I'm sure you'll really enjoy that 😀

You'll have so much freedom to just be yourself and do the things that bring you happiness

I did a year when I cooked one new recipe a week, that might be a good thing to do?

I've never lived with anyone, and living by myself is blissful

Today I did a spin class in my spare room, had a shower with some loud music on, made a lovely breakfast, tidied a bit. Might have a nap later. I can binge watch law and order and do whatever I want

Single 9 years you really get to know your self.
I love it and would never change it no dramas no mess dont have to cook.
Do what i want when i want how i want with who i want.
My home is spotless and no one to answer to no walking on egg shells.
My money is mine.
No compromising king bed all for me.
No asking for sex no piss on the loo seat.
And no fucking clutter im a minimalist.
No sulking man child or drinking around me.
Go on holiday with when i want no fucking inlaws to care about.
Not having to hear endless stories about his kids.
No moaning or grumpyness.
No shit tv.
The list is endless.
Single life for is NO MAN NO KIDS NO STRESS.

All the freedoms mentioned above, but for me, the thing I cherish the most is the PEACE.

A hard day at work or elsewhere isn’t half as bad when you know you’re going home to a sanctuary.