Please tell me the joys you have of living alone

[Lupin61]

I will be living alone soon after an abusive marriage (he was having a long term affair and making me believe I was losing my mind when I became suspicious).
even though I’ll be glad to be free of the gaslighting and cold, distant behaviour I am still feeling very strange about living on my own again. I would really appreciate if some of you who are in the same boat can tell me some of the things you love about it

Ditto.

(Love your username btw.)

Ah, thank you both @Catsmere & @KnitnNatterAuntie I have learned that boundaries are my friend & my firm boundary this time is not to give up my own, peaceful, hard won space this time. I also tell myself that nothing lasts forever, even though some things last far too long!

You're so welcome - and lasting far too long is the word! I always thought I didn't have it too bad with Mum, because the support services available in this city in Australia are good, but writing it in this thread made me realise how much there was to do, and reminded me of how glad (even with being on our crap unemployment "benefits" coming up) I am to be out of that.

@indianrunnerduck

I've been an Carer for an ex partner father of my children who was extremely abusive in the past towards me,

So know how bloody hard this can be at times ect,

I am real Concerned about how much you have had to take on doing Carer's role for your family

It's often females members of family get emotional and physical load like this

Do other members of your family support you 🤔 aswell in caring for your elderly parents ?

Do you have support from Adult Social services at all ? such as Carer or other kinds of support at all, such as a day care centre that your parents can attend for a few hours daily or few times a week,?

Thank you for your concern @cerisepanther73 . I agree that it is almost always women who end up in this position, spinning plates and juggling balls, becoming more and more ground down. The trouble is you begin by simply "helping" and end up with the entire responsibility for another's life, to the detriment of your own.

I do not have any help from other family members but after dogged determination, I have now got my parents to accept that carers coming in every day, for personal care, is non negotiable because that is beyond my boundary. I have also, through similar persistence and determination, got support from hospice at home nurses, lined up for when the end finally comes, not for daily care, although they will attend in an emergency, such as falls and dangerous behaviour. My Dad's dementia is too far advanced for a day care setting and my Mum has point blank refused any such suggestions. But, I feel that I am in a better place in terms of support and, crucially, being on someone's radar. It's nothing like enough but better than before.

I totally get this as i was a single mum for a few years and absolutely loved living on my own. Loved not having to shower every night if I couldn't be bothered, as it was only me in bed. Loved having the heating off if I was happy to put on my thermals, rather than having to cater to a man's need for sitting in the house in winter in shorts and t-shirt. Even now I do love an empty house.

BUT at the same time it amazes me. As someone who has been happily married for many years since then I pretty much do all of these things you mention but as a married couple. I get up when I want, I go to bed when I want, I watch what I want on tv, I have my own routine, I go out when I want - is that not normal? Yes I do usually consider what he wants for dinner, and I do his laundry (alongside mine though).. but he does the garden and anything to do with my car 😅

Maybe it's different as we have space to have our own living area at night with own TV (if we want to watch different things or if one of us wants to read). And I do sleep in my own bed in the spare bedroom some nights as he takes all the duvet. But I don't let living with a man limit me - I adjust the experience to be happy in my home. Regardless of circumstances, live your own life and carve your own routine.

I pretty much do all of these things you mention but as a married couple. I get up when I want, I go to bed when I want, I watch what I want on tv, I have my own routine, I go out when I want - is that not normal?

I did say that someone would come & say that! I’m glad it’s good for you. I just know that after the sheer joy & freedom involved in having my home to myself I could never live with anyone else again.

Same here. I can't begin to imagine having to adjust my life to suit a new person. Never done it and at sixty I have zero interest in the idea (besides, I would have to move - my unit is only made for one person). From my perspective it would be like having a house guest all the time, and I don't even like visitors.

I don't think anyone sets out to have a less than ideal life but some things happen that are beyond our control. People change & plans go sideways, very strong and assertive women find themselves in relationships that become intolerable and unequal. With luck and courage we can find our way to a new beginning. I have always loved the peace and solitude of living alone and when I left my last relationship, I felt that I had found my way home to myself again and so, to return to the spirit of the thread, that, for me, was a real joy. Along with only having things around me that I love to look at & always having the space to think clearly and once again make choices & decisions that rang true for me.