Please tell me the joys you have of living alone

[Lupin61]

I will be living alone soon after an abusive marriage (he was having a long term affair and making me believe I was losing my mind when I became suspicious).
even though I’ll be glad to be free of the gaslighting and cold, distant behaviour I am still feeling very strange about living on my own again. I would really appreciate if some of you who are in the same boat can tell me some of the things you love about it

Having all the wardrobe space to yourself

Doing anything and everything I want.

Bed at 6PM? Why not.

Chocolate strawberries for dinner? Why not.

Cooking my own pace. Taking twenty minutes to chop an onion because I get caught in a daydream? Why not.

Oozing over my sofa with a large gin and topic at 2PM on a Sunday? Why not.

You wake up in a peaceful state of mind, no slept on arguments, no knot in your stomach, no stonewalling or moody silences... just quiet and calm. Stretch in the bed, starfish and relax.

You can't put a price on that. Enjoy.

Doing basic life things when I want. If I want a sandwich or a cuppa I can just make it whenever I want. No need to be polite and ask if the other person if they want one. If I don't feel like cooking I can just take whatever from the fridge or have pot noodles without having a talk about it. If I feel hoovering I can do it right now. If I get an inspiration to sort put kitchen I can do it.

my bf would get really annoyed when I just started doing stuff. He would want to participate but if he wasn't feeling it, he felt like he had to do it cause I was doing it. But I want to do it when I feel like it and not make plans to do chores.

I miss the mess being my mess and it being my choice whether to tidy up or leave it until later.

This is such a lovely thread.

I can't wait. Had a brief time by myself and thoroughly enjoyed it . Only my needs and wants to take onto consideration. My daughter and her DH are moving in temporarily while they self build . It is nice but will be even nicer when they go.

I've been living by myself for the last 14 years save a few months here and there and it's bliss.
bed to myself
my own routine
no sharing bathrooms
everything set up just how I like it
no one else eating my snacks
watch whatever I want to watch

and the beautiful silence once I'm home. just being able to sit down with my feet up with no one else distracting me.

holidays etc. planned on my own time. sometimes I go away having only decided the day or a couple of days before.

and tbh after all these years, I can't really bear the thought of living with someone else. I'm very happy in my single life but at this stage even if I met someone, I don't think I would want to live with them. I value my own space too much.

single parent with 3 kids here, also left an abusive relationship. Sometimes it’s physically harder, but you’re emotionally and mentally so much lighter. My exOH was bloody useless anyway so I’d rather have no adult around to help than the annoyance of an able bodied person not helping.

other benefits;

• do what you want, when the hell you want!
• my Sunday currently consisted of tea in bed, reading in bed, popped to the shops, fave breakfast, spot of painting (artistic, left all the brushes and material out because I CAN and I may do some more later ), spot of writing, spot of work.
• household feels lighter and more joyous
• no moody bastard around

To help me rediscover my sense of self after those relationships, I also have what I call “healing” days out, which may be history-focussed or an art gallery, etc. I do them consciously to reconnect with who I was before and importantly, to luxuriate in my own time and heal from being at someone’s beck and call, constant urgent texts, demands and “where are you’s”, which left me hyper vigilant.

Good luck, tell us how you get on!

The list is long! I've been joyfully single for 15+ years since I split with Exh - financially abusive, cheating and an angry man.

I sleep alone in a big bed with no snoring
My home is decorated how I like it - with furniture I chose
I watch what I want when I want
I have pride in being self sufficient (something I always was but lost sight of in the marriage)
I have the time and mental space to care for myself
I eat what I like when I feel like it.
I don't have to pick up after another adult (well except my kids)
I can do 'man' stuff - decorate, garden etc - again things I could do but was never allowed ot.
I have driven all over Europe - again never allowed to when married
I have many cats!
I have my own friends who can come here without me treading on eggshells
I go out when I like, wearing what I like as late as I like
Holidays alone -bliss!
No constant daily criticism, put downs or comments
I value my job - I work and I like it - he hated it and constantly badgered me to give up.

I wouldn't change it for the world

Oh and congratulations @Lupin61 for finally being free x

You know what I did yesterday, lay in bed till 11am watching shite on my phone and drinking tea - then I cleaned my bedroom top to bottom (threw out 2 bags of tat and have a huge charity bag waiting to go), draws, wardrobe etc - I had a delivery of a new jewellery stand and sorted all my bits out (nothing at all fancy!) and then admired how nice it looked - washed my bedding and went to bed (slightly tipsy post Eurovision) in my lovely, clean, happy solo bedroom - a day well spent!

No one shat on it, sighed about me doing it, moaned about the bags of stuff, criticised how much stuff I had, demanded we not watch Eurovision or got up at 7am and then huffed around slamming doors because I was being lazy!

Every.
Thing.
😆

Congratulations on your new-found freedom OP.

No longer dreading hearing the key in the front door would be wonderful for me.

It’s honestly the absolute BEST!

• going to bed early and waking up early
• getting a good night’s sleep every night not having to share my king size bed
• exercising every day
• cooking healthy meals and managing my food intake better
• not drinking in the flat therefore massively reducing my alcohol intake
• the flat is tidier
• I don’t need to listen to another person’s Teams calls when I’m WFH
• no golf paraphernalia cluttering the flat

Not worrying about my stuff being deemed as clutter - I can now have books on a bookshelf 😊
No walking on eggshells, no wondering what mood I'll be walking into
Controlling what I eat - not having to have potatoes with bloody everything
Not sharing my bed, can watch TV to fall asleep to
If I want to put a job off (yes currently looking at a pile of laundry to be put away) I can put it off

Ah it's bliss

You can decorate your house how you like without having to compromise. You can go out whenever you want. No stressing about splitting chores and everything being equal. You can have friends round every evening. It's bliss for me.

Thanks everyone. Keep them coming as it’s such a comfort for me to read all of your responses. I love the idea of cooking a new recipe every week. Not having to share a bed will be a joy too! He always gets up really early and disturbs me!

When you open the fridge the last cold sausage will still be there waiting for you, not just the empty, forlorn greasy plate.

To add to my earlier post- I had both a flat mate and an ex with alcohol problems. I used to dread the sound of the key in the door. I couldn't keep a bottle of wine in for myself. They both did late night drunken cooking and trashed the kitchens. Sometimes my ex would come to bed smelly. The flatmate used to bring random people home. One of them stole my cosmetics from the bathroom. Etc. I used to (have to) be so hyper vigilant.
The peace that your own space brings is invaluable, especially when you've known 'home' to be unpredictable and bring anxiety, smells, mess and even danger.
Today- it's warm. I slept well in in a clean bed. Drank coffee in bed with NYT puzzles. Ate fruit loaf and Camembert for brunch. Have stayed in pj bottoms and a sports bra and a face pack. Looked after plants. Read my book. Nice music in background. I'm going now to have a shower in the bathroom I cleaned yesterday which smells like eucalyptus and then meet a friend for dinner and a play. I'll probably make a gin and tonic before I go.

And I can have flowers and plants around, a feather duvet, and cheese in the fridge because I don't live with a vegan who's allergic to everything. 🤣

You never have to consider anyone else's needs. I've only got the cats to think about when I'm at home.

Most importantly, you never have to feel afraid again.

You can do whatever you like within reason - move abroad if you wish , study for a new qualification, become a veggie etc. without anyone to stop you.

When I got back from the gym this morning I made lemon, tomato & cardamom dhal & baked some sourdough rolls, then had lunch on the balcony, a long phone call with an aunt & went for a nap before cleaning up. Tonight I will lie on the sofa with my laptop or a book.

Because I can.

Do you think you might like a pet, OP?

So glad to hear how happy you all are living alone. It all sounds bliss and is making me feel a lot less nervous about what’s to come. I do have a German shepherd and she is great company

I bet she is! That’s brilliant.