Please tell me the joys you have of living alone

[Lupin61]

I will be living alone soon after an abusive marriage (he was having a long term affair and making me believe I was losing my mind when I became suspicious).
even though I’ll be glad to be free of the gaslighting and cold, distant behaviour I am still feeling very strange about living on my own again. I would really appreciate if some of you who are in the same boat can tell me some of the things you love about it

Freedom for all snoozers and non snoozers... bliss 😊

OP- I'm currently lying naked on top of my bed with a face mask on

Listening to the torrential rain

Watching BGT

No one to wobble my belly
Ask wtf am I doing and why do I watch that shit

Bliss

I just got into bed and theres no one to post on mumsnet about whether its too early and why do i sleep so much

I found it took a bit of getting used to. However, I love it now. Quiet, peaceful, restful, interesting as a new phase in your life, a sense of freedom. You get to choose on all decisions. I really hope you enjoy it. I had to be alone to find myself. All the very best for your new chapter.

I think it's very different living completely on your own to living as the only adult in the house. I've done both and it can be lonely being on your own but very very liberating.

I can do whatever I bloody well want...

Unless the cat is sat on me, of course.

I think its mostly been covered and whilst technically not ‘alone’ as I live with my teenage son I can agree with…

Never having to compromise, you can have everything just the way you want it.

Being able to do what you want when you want without having to run it past someone else.

Not having to clean up after someone else (I don’t fully get this one because of said teenager but I can imagine its lovely things staying tidy).

Its quiet and peaceful. No arguments or treading on eggshells.

Not having to share a bed and being able to sprawl out and going to bed on my timetable not someone elses. Can also nap when I want.

I think for a long time I worried about being alone but now I honestly don’t think I could live with someone again. I cherish my peace and solitude and the fact I don’t have to compromise.

I am doing lots and lots of running around after my 17 year old who lives 2 hours away so it involves a lot of my time and is perhaps me being over the top. I don't care and I can do literally whatever i want as there is no one to tell me it's ridiculous.

Just the peace and quiet would be blissful. I’ve just watched an hour long TV drama (The Responder) with my DH. He spoke 38 times. Yes I counted. Chatting about the tv show, saying his ankle is itching, talking about the windows needing cleaning. I just politely replied with the odd ‘yeah’ ‘Mmm’. But fuck me, shut the fuck up. If I’m honest living alone was the happiest time of my life. True freedom.

Take time to just get used to it.
The peace is amazing .
Don't be hard on yourself
Don't rush yourself with your healing journey.
Find you

I am on the journey myself.
The worst thing I find is my anxiety levels, the effect from the abuse has left me with really bad general anxiety now. Some days are better than others. I am taking a day at a time and seeing where this new journey takes me.

Sending hugs and encouragement.

I am still married but have had some low spots - I think in all honesty after 28 years the thing I like least is constant compromise and almost 'permission seeking' if you want to do stuff on your own- I realise not all men are like this but post 50 it seems a lot are indeed like this- especially if they don't have any local based hobbies or friends to link up with regularly.

You are always aware of when something needs replacing and can top it up...rather than going to actually use said item e.g. toilet roll, milk, and finding there's none left, and nobody said/did anything about it.

I can’t imagine ever living with another male partner
DS (adult) lives with me whilst waiting on house purchase to go through - he’s gay and it’s more like a house share feeling - we are very respectful of each others space etc
DP has own home and we meet up on a weekend just for 24 hours or so - although we do manage an occasional holiday together

Not disappointing anyone

• if you want to sleep in on the weekend
• if you want to while away the weekend binge watching or reading one of your favourite
• if you decide popcorn and water is a decent dinner
• if you skip a meal because you plan of getting you favourite takeout
• because you decide to have a few friends over for a glass of wine or two and a good old laughter session into the early hours, that everyone decides to stay over and you make a real weekend of it
• all the mess (if any) is yours

1. whole massive bed to myself.
2. my house is clean and tidy
3. eat, drink and watch what I want
4. go where I want
5. do what I want with zero restrictions or considerations for others.

👏All of this and more! Because why not!

Also and additional and as I've not seen it mentioned, it may have been mentioned and I missed it, but anyway .

I get to pick my furnishings and TV.
The sofa I want. The colours I want. The telly I want.

If I want a red sofa with pink and purple cushions, I can have it and there's no one telling me they won't sit in it because it looks gay.. 🙄

Oh and I don't have a fucking huge telly badly installed on the wall, taking up over half my living room because it makes football easier to watch somehow.. and no, it's not like being at the cinema and the little speakers and wires rumbling the sofa are just annoying.

I can have flowers now too, if I'm of a mind too. They're pretty and smelly nice and they're not a waste of money.

And candles... Not just big jar ones, but little, cute, nice smelling ones. I could have hundreds of I like and I can light them and enjoy their aroma without someone asking "What fuckin' stinks in 'ere?" everytime.

🤪🤣

I think, in seriousness though, the best thing about being single and living alone, there's aren't any negative comments that spoil the nice moments.

It may sound light and silly, moaning about someone saying the house smells when I put the candle on etc. but it chips away at your soul.

You do something , anything, that makes you smile.
Light a candle, "it stinks in here"
buy some flowers, "waste of money, they'll die"
put on a song you love, "not this rubbish again"
pick a beautiful cushion from Dunelm, "we don't need more tat"
Etc. the negative comment turns the smile and momentary sense of light into a a less happy and less shiny place.
(Maybe it's just the people I've been with but they've all been much the same.)

Stay away from vampires of happiness, they suck.

Similar here. Moving helped hugely, but five years on and I’m still happily astounded at the freedom I sometimes feel- just simple things like being able to eat what I want, when I want. Going to sleep and walking up feeling content, rather than full of worry. You’ll start to enjoy things you’d forgotten that were important to you. I often feel the fuzzy warm peace and safety that I did when I was a child, which I never did when I was in that relationship.
I love living alone so much that, even though I date from time to time, I can’t imagine ever living with another adult again! I find the having to compromise and accommodate and check in - even in a good relationship- too much.

Congratulations on having your freedom, OP!

Mine's different - no man in the picture, but I'm alone for the first time in my life. Circumstances meant my mum and I always lived together, and for the past seven years I was her carer. She went into residential care a few months ago.

Now I have my own tiny unit in a retirement village. It's just me and my two cats. They're the only ones whose care I have to deal with. No more waking up at night because Mum might have fallen, no more dressing her and bringing her to my unit for meals, no more getting her to medical appointments, no more constant repetition of the same things in conversation, no more keeping track of lost glasses and hearing aids, no more having to get up early because it takes an hour to get her up afterward, no more not being able to go to bed until she's in hers.

I can get up when I like. I can watch whatever I want, or nothing at all. I can spend the evening in bed if I'm tired. The only appointments I have to make are mine and the cats'. I don't have to get respite carers in if I want to be out all day. I don't have to make sure there's space to manoeuvre a walker or wheelchair around. I'm not bound by the timetable of her physiotherapists' and personal carers' visits. At last, my home is my home.

Congratulations on your freedom too @Catsmere Your heartfelt post really resonated with me. It is exhausting beyond words to care for another and mostly involves surrendering your own life. I hope you will enjoy your well deserved peace also.

Thank you, @indianrunnerduck ! Not to derail the thread, but have you also ended your time as a carer?

@Catsmere I am between the worlds, I do now live alone, which I am grateful for every day, after an abusive relationship with someone who had a life limiting/threatening illness. But I am also a carer to both my parents with Dementia. My Dad is at the end stage, which is challenging & exhausting beyond words.

I have two children so not technically alone but when they went to exs eow I would buy a steak and sit and enjoy steak and chips infront of one of my favourite films (which I never got to watch when with ex)

Also when you clean the house it stays clean!

Being able to enjoy nights out with out a curfew and constant checking up texts.

Doing day trips/holidays without worrying if he would blow up

Not having to think about what mood he might be in when he came home

Laying in the bath as long as I want

Listening to music I like

@indianrunnerduck I am so sorry, those are heavier loads than anyone should have to handle. I hope you have support.

Sending you unMumsnetty hugs @indianrunnerduck

💐