Please tell me the joys you have of living alone

[Lupin61]

I will be living alone soon after an abusive marriage (he was having a long term affair and making me believe I was losing my mind when I became suspicious).
even though I’ll be glad to be free of the gaslighting and cold, distant behaviour I am still feeling very strange about living on my own again. I would really appreciate if some of you who are in the same boat can tell me some of the things you love about it

Peace, quiet, cleanliness. No one else's junk cluttering up the house. No drama.
I can and do indulge in scent, decor, beautiful bedding, my own food preferences, clean closets. Heating/fresh air all to my preference. Audiobooks on a Bluetooth speaker while I'm doing housework, crafts or just lying by the fire on a rainy day.

Bathroom is old and small but I've filled it with indulgent & pampering items, like a mini-spa.

No negotiating on spending, or anything else.

I've lived alone a great deal and never felt lonely or bored or frightened. Couldn't pay me to share now, even if Prince Charming materialized.

Be careful about getting a pet; it is more difficult and expensive when there's no one to share the care of the animals. I've spent a fortune on sitters.

I lived alone for a while following the break up of a long term relationship. I really enjoyed being able to leave things out and come back to them undisturbed, as I left them. I took up three hobbies to occupy weekday evenings and made new friends through them. I also stocked up on books and made it the norm that I would read on free evenings.

I do have a dog but he will have her for half of the week as lives close by. He loves her to death so I don’t imagine he would ever be an arse about not paying for half of her bills and food etc. At least when he has her for a few days each week I’ll have the freedom to do stuff like a trip away or to see friends too

The peace that your own space brings is invaluable, especially when you've known 'home' to be unpredictable and bring anxiety, smells, mess and even danger.
@rainbowbee

hear hear!

That's good; I didn't see this till after I posted. Yes, I loved my dogs but paying the sitters to stay with them was a killer. It's what is stopping me adopting another, as I do like to travel.

You will love living alone.

For me literally everything is better living alone. Life is just a million times more enjoyable as you can do only what you want, when you want with no compromises. You don't have others wants, needs and moods affecting yours. I will never live with anyone ever again, there is no man out there that would be worth it.

There are no downsides. None!
I absolutely adore not living with a man. It’s just amazing and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Peace, tidiness, no weird man smells, never having to compromise, absolute freedom, no bad atmospheres, not having to manage a man’s moods, watching what I want, going to bed when I want, having easy light dinners every night, not feeling resentful from living with a lazy, selfish man child……Need I continue 😂

I find it really depends on the person.

My mother loves living alone.

I have a male friend who loves living alone.

My other friends hate living alone.

I tried living alone a couple of times and I hate it. It's not for me. I'd prefer to live in a flats hare in my late thirties. You don't have to live alone. You can rent and share at any age. It depends on what you prefer.

No walking on eggshells wondering what I have done wrong.

Waking up every day happy and still happy when I go to bed.

Going to bed and knowing I won't be molested in my sleep.

Knowing that my money is safe from being spent on crackpot schemes or paying off someone else's eyewatering debt.

Being able to be me without being criticised or made to feel ashamed and making myself small. Loud, proud and unapologetic now. 😁

I had two years on my own, but I moved in with elderly parent during Covid and I am still here, but single life is fab.

I did live on my own before we married and I loved it but it was a long time ago so feeling nervous about such a big change. I know eventually I’ll be really happy again like all of you lovely people, I just need to get through the first few months where I’m bound to feel quite strange. I’m trying to remember the things I enjoyed doing before I met him but I have lost myself a lot throughout the marriage and all of his shitty behaviour which turned me into an anxious wreck

@Lupin61

I can go wherever i feel like and do whatever i feel like doing,
such as staying overnight in a guest house or hotel etc,

Vist art galleries and cinema etc on my own or with quality 🧡 friendships,

Whithout asking if it's OK with my partner and not having to answer to him...

I can slouch around in my clean comfy Pj's at home 🏡 and eat cold rice 🍚 from a Tin and not care 😋 about what my shit 💩 ex partner thinks..

Enjoy! See it as a new chapter

Yes, and the reason you are alone.

Seperation, if you want it, probably brings a sense of freedoms.

But, I was widowed last year, and although I can see the practical advantages, it can be emotionally difficult.🙂

YOU WONT BE CLEANING UP AFTER ANYONE ELSE, hopefully.

You can do what you want, eat what you want and when you want without criticism or comment.

you can have the heating on or off and only you have to account for why and the cost.

The people talking about the downsides of living alone and why they personally don’t like it - not exactly helpful on this thread.

Agree totally with you @EmpressaurusOfCats

It's important to keep the spirit of why it's so good to be single after ditching or splitting up from an abusive ex partner..🤔

At the moment my ex still lives with me & will until our joint property is sold. Living alone (albeit my daughter is with me) is going to be scary and weird for a while but I am looking forward to adjusting to the change. This thread is definitely helping.

Hi OP I spent nearly 30 years in a very similar situation to yours and I’ve lived alone for nearly a year. I absolutely love it, it’s my house and I can have it how I want, I’m the only one making it untidy (or not) I go to work in the morning and when I come home in the evening miracle miracles everything is where I left it and there’s no washing up waiting to go in the dishwasher or crap lying around. I never hear “what are we having for dinner?”. I live in peace and blissful quiet I choose when to make a noise or not. I’m completely in charge of my own finances, it’s liberating. I was terrified of being without him however abusive and unpleasant he was but now I have never been happier, friends who know me say I’ve never looked better.
Now nothing on the earth would persuade me to share my lovely space on a long term basis with anyone the thought makes me feel physically sick.
Good luck 💐

I don’t understand how anyone lives with someone else full time.

I can’t imagine not being in charge of what I watch on TV, what I cook, how I decorate my home, how much noise I make, having to tell someone if I’m going to be late home or where I’m going if I’m popping to the shops etc etc

You can still have visitors around and visit others but you also have your own space, so you can have the best of both worlds.

I always come home to the house exactly how I left it - usually clean and tidy
I don’t have to justify my movements actions or spending to anyone - if I want to splurge on something and live on beans on toast for a month or two I can!

I have never ever seen a thread on mumsnet where every single person tells you agrees with you and tells you what you want to here

I think its more important to be realistic. Living alone can be hard for some people. It can be nice for other people. The good thing is if it doesn't suit you you're not stuck doing it forever. You can give it a go.

When was the last time you could just walk out of the door?

Or decide not to go home after work and spend a few hours meeting friends/taking a long walk/ watching a movie etc?

And not having to explain yourself to anyone?

Nothing is more important than having freedom.

Everything I did in my current and last house was my choice. Paint colours? Mine. Rugs or carpet? My choice. I learned how to wallpaper and how to tile the kitchen walls. I eat what I want when I want. The whole bed is mine. I don't have to negotiate or compromise on anything nor walk on eggshells because I happened to buy something without running it past his royal meanness. My friends are always welcome, as are my family. I. Am. Happy.

I’ve never lived with a boyfriend/partner. I grew up in a house with an abusive father and from a young age was trained how to behave to appease his ever-changing moods and demands. I walked on eggshells and had a constant knot in my stomach. I never knew from one day to the next how he would be and what interaction he’d have with everyone else. His moods dominated the entire house, everything revolved around him. And I vowed that once I was independent of my parents, I would never ever again let a man (or anyone) control my peace and happiness.

I’ve lived alone since I started working and I will never live with anyone else. The peace I have is incredible. My home truly is my sanctuary. There is no tension, no stress, no ‘atmosphere’. It’s as I want it, and I make all the decisions and have things as I like them. It’s blissful.