Son has changed his mind about class party - doesn't want to go

[VeryBusyDoingNothing]

Wwyd. Came out with an invitation weeks ago and he said he wanted to. Announced now he doesn't know the child very well and he doesn't want to go. Turns out none of his close friends are going either. Feel rude not going but feel I can't force him?

@FuckTheClubUp it might not be a 'holding your breath' scenario but at my son's 5th party I paid the venue £13 per child saying they'd attend, arranged what hot food they'd selected, checked for allergies etc and organised a party bag for that child. So it is rude and selfish to not turn up because your child doesn't fancy it, you accept an adult has put time effort and money in and you show up imo.

No, he is not a spoilt brat, if you said that to a child you'd be an abusive bully.

We don't know it isn't social anxiety or more than we know it is.

Let me explain, I won’t be drawn by your provocative language. It’s tiresome
you know my opinion read my posts ,try not to say Brat, or Flaky in response

Yes that one comes across as a bully. I genuinely hope some of these people don't have children. Their attitudes are absolutely disgusting and abusive.

@SoreAndTired1 and some peoples social anxiety is enabled by their parents!

Nothing in OPs posts indicated it, so why did you jump to it?

As an excuse for your child who doesn't have it!

Shocking!

@SoreAndTired1 as are yours allowing your child to let others down....

How would your child feel in reverse?

Ok If everyone says yes, then doesn't bother turning up?

Because another person gave an EXAMPLE of why children might change their minds. That's why it came up.

Telling your child they may never, EVER so no to anything is WHAT CAUSES social anxiety! It's parenting like that, that causes damage. You can't even see it! You're an example of what not to do.

@SoreAndTired1 well when it's your child sitting alone at a party that five people said yes to, then didn't bother turning up...,.

Tell me it's then ok!

That's not ok, but forcing children isn't the answer, either. You don't make several kids miserable to appease one.

@SoreAndTired1 so you allow your child to say yes, allow parents to pay for them, then go

He's changed his mind?

Ok, but do not criticise and say others shouldn't have children, because they've got morals.

There is nothing moralistic about being abusive and bullying a child and breaking their spirit. On the contrary, it's an example of bad parenting.

@SoreAndTired1 a child who is 'forced' to attend a party isn't miserable for long so it's not as black and white as that. Most see the bouncy castle / toys / food or whatever and forget their troubles and run off.

Pretty much all children need forcing to go to places from time to time. If my 5 year old doesn't fancy school tomorrow should I just let him stay at home? He said no to beavers initially but now adores it and asks to go most days.

@SoreAndTired1 the child said yes..

Teach your child compassion about how the other child will feel!

Your child would never be invited again, sorry and all that but I'll protect my child.

I do not bully my child, but I do instil morals and kindness and thinking of others. I also do not want to waste money on a flakey child.

If you said, "I'm hopeful" he'll attend, I'd make an exception but not for OPs child who does not seem to suffer from anxiety as there had been no mention", id not invite again 🤷‍♀️.

Anyway, I've got dinner to sort now!

So 👋

At the risk of sounding a bit Malory Towers I do see it as my responsibility to do my best teach my DC to be good and reliable people. That will sometimes involve making them do things that they don't want to. Most of us aren't born that way and need some guidance by mature adults.

Oh for god's sake, sending a child to a birthday party they previously wanted to go to is not abusive.

Try that one on the NSPCC

@bloodyplumbing exactly!

Thank you

I hope your child attended the party. You would be setting such a terrible example to let him change his mind on the day... That's the making of a flakey person who never gets invited to things because they always cancel.

It's important to learn that once you commit to something, you have to follow through with it. And at age 6 he would have had a great time even if his closest friends weren't there.

Exactly this. I'm shocked some people think it's abusive. Terrifying what entitled/irresponsible /thoughtless children they're raising!

You've clearly never dealt with a sensitive child with severe social anxiety.

It's not abusive in the least to teach your child to keep their word and do what they say they will.

@SoreAndTired1 had my dinner, nothing in OPs posts says sensitive child either social anxiety!

FFS

If that's the case bloody say it's a maybe not a yes!

What about if the party child is sensitive with social anxiety?

Can I ask are you sensitive with social anxiety?

It is abusive to tell them they may never, ever, ever change their minds and every decision they make must be carved in stone with blood.

If a child no longer feels comfortable going somewhere or doing something (within reason) they should be given agency to say no, and to express that discomfort.

And then they should be reminded that, regardless of how they feel, they have made a commitment and decent people honour their commitments.

Then they should be told if they feel they cannot honour that commitment, that's ok. As I said, he didn't carve it in stone with his blood!