Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a parent. No one will bat an eyelid you need time off.

I am a teacher and would not want to work for a head who would be upset about this. You need to be boundaried and do what's right for you. (I have worked in Year 6 so I know what it's like.)

@Readysteadygotoschool

I'm so sorry for your loss. Absolutely do not go into work. Prioritise yourself & your family - for as long as it takes.

I'm a yr6 teacher & I completely understand the 'teacher guilt' whenever we're off, but like a lovely Headteacher said, further up this thread, it's their job to manage the staffing issue - you can't be expected to worry about that right now.

If we're being honest, 'SATS week' is only really an hour or so of tests every morning Mon-Thurs & all the revision/practice papers etc have already taken place. Our kids often find it a bit of an anti-climax when the 'real' ones happen!

I'd let your Head know ASAP though, so at least they can have some time to arrange cover etc where necessary.

I’m glad you’ve decided to take the time. I’ve managed people who have come back too soon (despite my best efforts to persuade them not to) it was really counter-productive. They’d have been much better just getting signed off and taking the time.

For some people the ‘if rather the busy’ works. Others need time. There is no right or wrong re preference but trying to be in the first camp if you’re not ready or really mentally there is really difficult for the individual and also people around them.

And this is what’s wrong with primary teaching in the UK today.

OP take the time off. No one will truly thank you for going in. Family is more important than work.

The children will cope without you.

Don’t make it harder for other members of staff to take time off in similar circumstances by going in.

I'm a TA, and my dad passed away in Feb this year, and I didn't return until a month after his death. Please don't think you need to return because this is happening, and that is happening because what I have learnt is that people will pull together to make sure things get done. I hope this helps x

Another teacher here who recently lost a parent - absolutely don't go in, there is so much to do and feelings to process, you need time - if needs be get your GP to sign you off with stress for a few weeks. Take care.

Y6 teacher here too. In the kindest possible way, if you were my colleague and you went to work this week, I'd wonder what on earth you were doing in!!

If the children aren't ready now, they probably never will be so you have already done your bit.

As SLT, I'd immediately tell you to take some time off. If your head is that unsympathetic, I'd seriously be looking at leaving. If he is moaning about it, that is outrageous. Presumably he'll be in with the kids anyway this week - he can bloody supervise them!!

I'm so sorry for your loss. Take some time to grieve - just tell the doctor what's happened and they will sign you off.

Of course you don't go to work! This is not even a question. No need to feel guilty.

They've passed or failed already with the work you've done over the last year/4 years. It won't make a big difference now. Just look after yourself x

I'm sorry for your loss 💐. I work in a school too and went back too soon after my dad passed away. I thought it would help and ended up crying in front of the children. Take the time you need and don't worry about SATS as I'm sure your head will be able to get another member of staff to support - you should be entitled to a week of bereavement leave. Take care X

If you belong to a union, make contact with them just as a bit of back up if the school starts being difficult.
Don't feel pressured to go in. You are being responsible for staying off.

You need to do what’s right for you
not school, headteacher or kids
only you know how you feel
let them know early tomorrow or today and take each day as it comes

So sorry for your loss.

Just explain the situation but you might not need to. In the NHS you get special leave from the date of the death to the date of the funeral, after that you need a sick note.

Look after yourself. You will be on an emotional roller coaster for a while. 💐

I'm so sorry for your loss. There's zero chance I could have gone into work the week my mum died. Your Head will have to fill the gap - that's his job (and I say this as HOD of a large dept secondary school, who very regularly has to deal with the logistics of staff being out of school for a variety of reasons, and various lengths of time).

You need to take time off.

You've already done the work that will get the children good results. They will be fine without you this week because the school will need to ensure that the tests go ahead just as if you were there. It's up to your headteacher to put plans in place to cover your absence.

I'm so sorry for your loss. You are a lovely caring teacher but you need to put yourself first. The HT will have to sort it - it is their job as the senior leader. Send a message of good luck and love to your students - you don't have to say why. Take as much time as you need x

I’m a parent and a teacher who line manages staff. Please take the time off. You are more important than the job.

As a year 6 parent I’d say, take the time off.

i think I’m repeating what a lot of others have already said.
I am also a Year 6 teacher and understand why you even had the thought of coming in.
please don’t go in and take the time to grief. If you were my colleague, I would make sure that everything is managed at school and tell you not to worry about anything at all.
The children will sit the tests and get the mark they get.
You only have one dad and I think you deserve to be able to grief with your family for him.
please don’t go in.

You can sign yourself off for the first week anyway - see how you feel by Wednesday ..

Personally when my dad died, after a week I needed the distraction. (My dads death was sudden but not unexpected due to various health conditions).

I'm going to go against the grain here and say maybe you should go in for the tests. Not for the schools sake or the kids, or the head, but for you. Speak to the head and ask if you can pop in and out as needed and as you feel up to it. Little windows of normality in the grief might be helpful.
Take care OP and sorry for your loss.

There is no reason the OP should feel guilt. But she said that she did. And I understand because I am like that with my work, I’d find feeling like I’m letting people down hanging heavy on me. I manage loads of people and I’d be happy with them doing whatever felt right FOR THEM.

Don't give it a second thought and take the time off - as much as you need. As a teacher you are never indispensable. The children won't mind, someone else can look after them. It really doesn't matter. I'm so sorry for your loss but I think you'll really regret it for the rest of your life if you don't put your life before the job. I'm speaking as a teacher and I have taught Y6.

Very sorry for your loss. You need time to grieve.