Y6 teacher and death of parent

[Readysteadygotoschool]

My dad died today, after very brief illness. I’m a Y6 teacher and it’s test week from Monday.

I just don’t think I can be in school this week. Feel like I’m letting the kids down and the teacher guilt is making me think I should just go in for the four days of tests and front it out then deal with it afterwards.

I haven’t told my headteacher yet but he will probably be pissed off if I don’t go in. I don’t know what to do.

Primary headteacher here. I would expect you not to be in and would likely send you home if you came in. However, there's no denying that it's a headache and so I'd appreciate as much notice as possible to make a plan. Please don't go in.

Sorry I voted yabu because I took your message about teacher guilt and should be there meaning you were actually considering going in. Just in case you interpret that to mean I would think you were unreasonable to consider staying off.

Sp sorry for your loss, but school will be able to cope.

You would have done all the teaching In preparation for the test so the import part is done. It doesn't matter what job you do the death of a loved one needs to take time off work it wouldn't be right to go back to work in my opinion. Take time for yourself and process what's happened and I'm very sorry for your loss 💐

Being bereaved does strange things to your brain. You can't think straight, you make weird decisions, you find yourself doing odd things, you lose the ability to concentrate on anything. And most of the time you don't realise this till much later.

Bereavement leave is not just a kindness, it's there because you may be genuinely unable to do your job.

SATS are not as important as demonstrating to kids that we are not robots and it’s absolutely ok to take time out to grieve.

You can self certify for 7 days. Only then do you need a sick note.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I understand the guilt but honestly, you need time and space to heal.
I am sure you've worked hard to get them to a good place to take the tests, and I'm also sure there'll be a colleague who has a good rapport with your class that could check in on them and support them along with a supply this week.
Your class will be fine OP, trust me. Please look after yourself ❤️‍🩹

Loosing your dad is way more important than a job. Even if they job is a teacher.
So sorry for your loss.

I am so sorry for your loss.

if it helps, I would say that this decision is right not just for you but also for the children.

My son had a class teacher a few years ago who came back very quickly from a parental bereavement and it was noticeable to me that she was too fragile and distracted to be fully present for the children. As a parent I was upset with the school for not having encouraged her and supported her to take more time off.

It is far better for you to take some time to gently care for yourself. There may be a lot of practical things to do, too. Your job can wait.

Wishing you well.

Agree that best action is to contact Head Teacher today and let them make plans.
Your pupils are ready for their exams (the results of which have zero effect for them).
There will be other familiar faces that will be able to reassure them this week.

Concentrate on taking the time out you need, the whole of this coming week at least.

As a parent I would have no issue with you taking time off under the circumstances. Your headteacher would be in the wrong to feel differently. I am so sorry for your loss.

It's a job, your mental wellbeing is far more important! The SATs are not important for the kids and if your headteacher can't sympathise with you being off you'd probably be better looking for another job in the summer. Take care my lovely. I'm a parent of a yr 6 child and would absolutely not expect you in working pushing through the grief of losing a parent for the sake of my child.

If you feel you need time off, you absolutely should not be working.

I’m really sorry for your loss. I don’t think you should have to work at all, but maybe you could pop in for the register each day and wish them luck and give them encouraging words , to help with your guilt? If I was the head there I’d be happy to support that as best for everyone all round?

It's just a job at the end of the day - you're not performing brain surgery, you're not diffusing bombs.
The worst that will happen if you don't go in is that your boss will be annoyed.

Do not do that! Worst suggestion imho.

Definitely take the time you need. My child is doing SATS this week and if this was their teacher I would absolutely not expect them to be in. If you go in and get upset this may also worry/distract the children. The sats prep is done- they will be fine.
can tell you’re a lovely person for even thinking about the kids over yourself but please do put yourself first. Look after yourself x

This exactly 💯.

I was back at work too soon after my Dad and I was a complete waste of space. It would have been better for me to have had more time off.

You shouldn't go in on Monday. So sorry for your loss. Self certify and go to the doc mid week if you think you need time.
What are the things that only you know/ are aware of?
Eg lists of kids who need extra time?
Lilly fell out with Cassie and they need to be at separate ends of the classroom
The good pens are stored in the third draw down
The kids have been promised a chocolate bar after the exams and they're in the cupboard
Write them all down on an email, don't send, call your head and then tell them all the details are in the email.
Include a nice generic note to the class "good luck year 6, unfortunately I'm off poorly this week but youve worked so hard for this and together with all the staff you're all going to smash it!"
Then put them out of your mind.

Ps -
One of my children is starting SATS on Monday and I would be HORRIFIED if I thought their teacher was bereaved and coming in anyway. They are not important.

It’s not the worst suggestion if it enables to OP to take the time she needs without the feelings of guilt she is experiencing.

TBh no solution is good here, it’s a really difficult situation and the OP should just do whatever she thinks is best for her.

sorry for your loss.

I think you need to put yourself first and do what you need to do to look after yourself.

Don’t go in - you need to be at home. Condolences to you.

I'm not sure which way the voting goes, but please stay at home.
Let the head know today - you should orobably self cert this week, so call the GP later in the week. Just letting them know your Dad has died will possibly get you the sick note without an appointment.

I know you are worried about the kids, but if you go in, you aren't going to be yourself, and that will probably unsettle the kids as much as you not being there. The kids will be fine.

Look after yourself

You could argue that this is the best time to be off. The prep is done. The kids are ready. It's just a case of supervision and surely there are other people there that could do that.

You need the time now because it's weirdly busy immediately after someone dies. Death certs, making the calls to let people/services/companies know (tell us once deals with anything official, like hmrc). Going to the bank. Organising a funeral. Etc.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Work is work, this is your life. Take the time you need (from another year 6 kid parent). I hope you've got good support at home.