School allergy policy and cosmetics - AIBU to think this is overkill?

[Areolaborealis]

DD has extremely dry skin and hair, and after trying various chemical-laden and expensive products, we've found using natural oils in the bath to be the most effective management (rapeseed, coconut, and castor oil usually). We've been doing this for years.

DD9's school has a very strict no nuts and seeds policy that has recently been extended to cosmetics. After a recent bag inspection, DDs moisturiser was sent home because it contained castor oil (I actually didnt realise this). I have no issue with not sending this to school but it got me thinking about whether it's irresponsible to still use these oils at home given that she will presumably take traces into school with her. FWIW, there are no known nut, seed, coconut or castor allergies in her class but I don't know about the rest of the school. I hate the idea of sending DD into school covered in an allergen but I'm not sure how much I want this policy to dictate what we use at home. DD has become anxious about this and has started checking all our product ingredients.

AIBU to think this is overkill?

I agree. Absolutely vile.

@Areolaborealis has anyone pointed out that castor oil is derived from a bean? not a nut? bean as in the same family as lima beans or kidney beans?

But this actually happened and its causing a moral dilemma for our family. We don't know if anyone has an allergy. We would never knowingly put someone at risk of life threatening illness, but avoiding the only products that work for her skin seems unreasonable without strong evidence that its necessary in the setting. Should I leave her with broken, bleeding skin 'just in case' a hypothetical child suddenly develops an allergy?

Would I be overstepping to ask the school to be more specific about what exactly needs to be avoided rather than just a blanket "all nut and seed related products".

@Areolaborealis what is the school's policy on cosmetics? are you sure the confiscation was due to the ingredients or due to a ban on make-up?

The problem was the ingredients, not the fact that she had the cream.

Bonkers. Dd3 is allergic to coconut but we still have coconut products and food… dd3 doesn’t use them, obviously!

Really inclusive approach you have there...how dare someone be so inconvenient as to have an allergy 🙄

The question is does she need access to moisturiser during the school day for medical purposes? If so you need a dermatologist letter explaining what she needs to carry in her school bag.

This is bloody ridiculous. If someone is so severely allergic to a product, they shouldn't be out and about. What if a person unrelated to school was wearing some seed-based cream walking past them?
The whole allergy thing is becoming completely stupid.

Bloody hell. Even aside from how bizarrely cruel it would be to teach a child in isolation from the age of 4, how the fuck are schools supposed to manage this?

This may be the most unreasonable comment I've ever seen on MN!

And what, spend the rest of the life in isolation?
Human stupidity had indeed no boundaries.

There is a difference passing someone on the street and sitting next to them for the whole day. Jesus wept.

Do you honestly think that 'Everyone with allergies should be permanently housebound' is a reasonable solution?

I'm alright Jack. Clearly her allergy is not that severe, I know if someone who can't be in the same room as someone else using the allergen unless they want to end up in a&e asphyxiation.

I think the ban in school must be to stop them sharing a cream and that causing a reaction as it's applied to the skin. Or it could be to stop a child accidentally eating it by using the cream just before they eat or suck their fingers etc.

If you use the products at home then I think carry on. As you said, there will be lots of people who consume nuts or use nut products out of school. I also think that if a close friend of your daughter already had the allergy her and you would already know. And the treatment is benefiting her.

If she needs to use the moisturiser in school (or perhaps on a school trip) then you probably need to speak to the school to find what ingredients or a work around such as it's kept in an office.

I think it's good that you and your daughter care enough to be seriously thinking about this. You're showing a lot more kindness and understanding than a few folk on this thread.

In this scenario, 'suffering the consequences' potentially means dying. I think it's fair enough to ask people to give up their right to peanut butter sandwiches in order to protect others from death.

There's a huge difference between demanding someone cater to your children's wants and demanding they cater to their needs. Parents SHOULD be demanding people cater to their children's needs- they are their main advocates. Especially if that need is to be protected from something which could kill them.

And I promise, there are plenty of people who care about other people's children. I'm sorry you don't feel you know any.

Your DD has very dry skin and needs it. I'd continue using it.

Not the case - coconut triggers a severe asthma attack and we can sometimes manage it with medication and other times need to go to A&E. I’m severely allergic to latex - so glad children’s birthday parties are over and dc don’t have to turn down gifts of balloons as they leave the parties. It was a nightmare. However, the reality is that banning all allergens isn’t possible and gives a false sense of security. Allergy charities do not support the banning of foods/products. It’s really difficult but because our allergies are not your standard peanuts or eggs no one ever tries to protect us and we’ve had to find ways to reduce risks and prepare for reactions. It can be scary, especially the first time dd couldn’t breathe when she was 7. The ambulance service had declared a major incident and I drove her to hospital going blue. Terrifying! We always ensure one of us can drive so never both drink. We’re not “alright Jack” but we understand the world doesn’t revolve around us.

Although they are called castor beans they aren’t actually beans so they are not the same family as lima and kidney beans.

Peanuts are legumes so they are the same family as lima and kidney beans.

Luckily your kids won’t potentially drop dead if someone gives them a funny look. That’s the adjustment people have to make for your kids. I think you’ve been blinkered a bit by your experience of have 3 ND kids. Your kids having needs or wants in order to manage their ASD is in no way comparable to the risk of actual death.

What a pain OP!

I wonder if this is a result of the Nivea thing - a few years ago they added almond oil to some of their suncreams. The formulation means it doesn't actually contain the proteins people are allergic to, but it caused a lot of worry among those with nut allergies and some nurseries and schools banned it. I wonder if there's an overzealous parent or staff member who's aware of this.

I know how hard it is to find the right product for problematic skin. Definitely keep using it before school. If she needs to use it during school I'd contact the school from the perspective of "let's figure out how to balance these competing needs". It's very very unlikely there's a real risk to a pupil here.

That's a really rude reply allthepotatoes

OP if your child's hands are bleeding, she needs the cream. My DSIS has a reaction if someone touches x then touches her. If they were friends DSIS would probably need to social distance, maybe if a friend is allergic to castor oil she could wear cotton gloves after application but beyond that she doesn't need to do anything.

My workplace has a nut ban. I’m in my 40s and have noticed allergies are on the rise, younger members of staff have severe allergies. It isn’t much of a hardship to not bring nuts into the workplace.

As you've said "there are no known nut, seed, coconut or castor allergies in her class", I think you'll be fine with continuing to use products at home, unless you know she's got some close friends in other classes, who she would routinely be touching or in the immediate vicinity of, in which case a message to those parents may be appreciated. Something along the lines of "Hi Folks, Betty's little moisturiser has been sent home from school today as it contains Castor oil, and the school have extended the nuts and seed ban to cosmetics too. Betty regularly uses products with nut and seeds oils in at home on her skin directly before school, so I just wanted to check none of your little ones are highly allergic to nuts or seeds, as I know she often plays with them and I'd hate to think of a hug or game of tag triggering a huge reaction! Please let them know if they are and we can work something out".
If you don't have numbers, as school to send that out to the parents of those children, with your phone number or email attached for a response.

I think generally, this policy will have been brought in as a child is highly allergic (rather than just as a blanket rule), and the school have either had a near miss, or the child is new or newly diagnosed and they are just getting things in place for them.
Also, thank you for actually thinking about this, and showing a willingness to change if necessary, lots of people wouldn't!

Inside your own house you can demand what you like. Outside of it you can demand what you like but don't get all bent out of shape if people do not comply.

If your child has a life-threatening condition, it is up to you and them to manage it. You must accept that there are things they cannot do and places they cannot go to, instead of insisting that everyone else change the things they do.