School allergy policy and cosmetics - AIBU to think this is overkill?

[Areolaborealis]

DD has extremely dry skin and hair, and after trying various chemical-laden and expensive products, we've found using natural oils in the bath to be the most effective management (rapeseed, coconut, and castor oil usually). We've been doing this for years.

DD9's school has a very strict no nuts and seeds policy that has recently been extended to cosmetics. After a recent bag inspection, DDs moisturiser was sent home because it contained castor oil (I actually didnt realise this). I have no issue with not sending this to school but it got me thinking about whether it's irresponsible to still use these oils at home given that she will presumably take traces into school with her. FWIW, there are no known nut, seed, coconut or castor allergies in her class but I don't know about the rest of the school. I hate the idea of sending DD into school covered in an allergen but I'm not sure how much I want this policy to dictate what we use at home. DD has become anxious about this and has started checking all our product ingredients.

AIBU to think this is overkill?

The person finds a way to mitigate against it or suffers the consequences.

See, thats a sad fact of life. Outside your home, no-one gives a damn about your kids.

With 3 autistic children, ask me how I know that. Also, I am not selfish enough to demand that everyone caters to my childrens needs or wants.

But…it’s like you’ve made up that the school have implemented a rule and then declared it ridiculous 😬

This. I have a severe nut allergy and I manage it by washing my hands regularly, checking what I eat, avoiding foods/products with a high risk of contamination etc. My house is a nut-free zone, but everything outside my front door is beyond my control.

I still use public transport etc. because I need to live a normal life, commute to work etc.

I do not tell my colleagues what cosmetics or foods they are allowed to use/bring to work. I only ask that they don't eat nuts anywhere near me, and I don't share foods/products unless I am very sure they are safe.

Aiming to give children a risk-free environment makes sense when they are too small to understand the risk, but when they are older they need to learn to manage the risk themselves rather than expecting the world around them to change. Otherwise, they won't be able to navigate the world safely as adults, or live a normal life.

I'm the mother of a daughter with a peanut allergy. I was a single parent of little means. My father paid for me to take her on a week's sunshine holiday in Spain when she was a teenager - I was so grateful that no peanuts were served on our flights as the airline made a decision to protect her by making a reasonable adjustment. Other snacks were available. That daughter now has 2 beautiful children, one autistic, the other ADHD/autistic. I'm sorry that your children too have their own problems - and I wish that society would be more willing to truly look after all children whatever their particular needs in the most inclusive ways possible. And to support their families too. I know life must be very difficult for you, and that some people do not care - but please believe me that there are others out here who do care. I apologise for any hurt my harsh comment caused you.

I presume the cream isn't allowed in school in case they share it... not because it is unsafe to have on her skin.

This was my thought, but I do feel the schools job is primarily to educate (obviously keeping them safe is a huge job too) and in secondary especially they are in prime position to use allergy as the example when educating on why they should not be sharing around anything like food, cosmetic items etc. workplaces do not usually have this type of policing on what can be kept in personal bags, I’m sure if I started a job somewhere and a colleague had a severe allergy to something commonly in creams and lotions and things, the bosses would be just informing everybody to be careful not to leave things like that around in public spaces and to be careful that for instance if you apply a hand cream not to touch other peoples things or themselves (while it’s on your own skin) to minimise the risk

I think it makes sense for nurseries and primary schools to have a no nut policy, but by secondary it would be better to follow the allergy UK guidance and not have widespread bans.

My DH and DS both have allergies. We are used to reading packets and asking questions in restaurants and young people really do become adept at it.

A child with a severe allergy will carry two epipens. But an epipen isn't a magic cure, it just buys time and anaphylaxis will still mean an ambulance and hospital treatment. Too many people seem to believe that a person in anaphylaxis can just use their epipen and be completely fine.

Oh no I wasn’t saying they would be fine if they used an epi pen, just that they would have one in case. It’s obviously so scary for parents who’s children are at school and out of their sight and supervision if they have an allergy or any medical issues, I just don’t think you can blanket ban anything from school that may cause a reaction in some people, no more than you can ban things from workplaces and public spaces due to other people’s allergies, teach people to be careful with their things so they don’t cause others to have allergic reactions, no sharing of products. No wiping your hand cream on another kid for a laugh etc

Mumsnet has given me an insight into the mind's of other people and it is sometimes horrifying.

Thanks for some interesting points.

I doubt all the staff are restricting their own cosmetic use so presumably the concern is more about sharing rather than fear of the previous nights bath oil particles becoming air borne and causing anaphylaxis. I wont send her with these products, obviously, but we'll carry on using them in the morning unless we're given more specific information. As pp said, there are no restrictions on actually eating nuts/seeds before school so maybe I should apply the same principle here.

I think it depends what the allergy is and what the mitigation is.

It's easy enough not to take a moisturiser to school but is less easy not to use it at all.

Isn't the reason schools won't apply sun cream or let the kids apply it in school because of allergies? Although they seem to manage just fine in Australia.

I just don’t think you can blanket ban anything from school that may cause a reaction in some people, no more than you can ban things from workplaces and public spaces due to other people’s allergies

As above, I think it depends what the item is. Perfume, yes. Dogs, yes (although then you run into the assistance dog issue). Anything at all with nuts or dairy in it, probably not.

It sounds dystopian - but at a quick reading OP made it seem like people couldn't even use any products at home.
If someone's allergy is so severe that even being next to someone else wearing castor hair oil could cause an allergic reaction, what other solution is there?
You cannot ban people from using cosmetic products on themselves before coming in. Especially as certain people (like the OP's DD) have skin/hair that's extremely difficult to manage, you can't just tell them to 'find something else'. Yes they're not going to be hospitalized unlike the allergic person but they are going to be uncomfortable throughout the school day.
Similarly, nut allergies vs an autistic child with severe AFRID who will only eat certain products, some of which contain nuts... what do you do?

There's a difference between people refusing to comply merely because it's 'difficult, 'controlling' or some other bollocks. And doing so because it has a real detrimental impact on their own health.

Perfume is surely only an issue for the person it’s sprayed on if sprayed in private and if in public then you should be mindful of others and their allergies, if there’s a perfume allergy do not spray near (or in same room) the person, that’s just a dixkhead move. Dogs is a tricky one as you say, guide dogs and assistance dogs. I mean if you work somewhere and you have a dog allergy I’m not sure if legally you can say no assistance dogs, you might be expected to medicate to prevent reaction (obviously this may not be possible if your reacts are life threatening, I don’t know if medications would work in this scenario)

My almost 2 year old has 13 known allergies, she has only just been able to go to the park for the first time, she has only just been to a softplay, I'm on edge most of the time. Her nursery are nut free and take extra measures in her room to support. At this age it is needed to have support from others. But our life is now far more limited.

My 5 year old has just started school in Sept. I have educated him on what his sister's allergies are, what she can and can not eat, he is amazing at asking questions and washing his hands, etc.

So my response to the disgusting person who thinks any one with an allergy should be taught in isolation is that you are a vile person. My daughter deserves to go to school and have friendships and an education like anyone else.

However I do agree with other posters that we need to teach these young people and society about allergies. If my 5 year old can do that anyone can. Allergies are on the rise and we have a duty to care for others, surely that is what makes us human?

The person with the allergy is the one who is suffering.
But hey, as long as you and your kids aren’t inconvenienced in any slight way…

I can’t even begin to imagine how hard that is for you, it’s great though that you have been teaching your son and he’s taking to it like a champ. Different scenario: my dad is diabetic, has been ever since I was little, growing up I was always aware of him injecting insulin, doing blood tests, that if he didn’t get sugar when he needed it or insulin when he needed it that he would get sick, maybe need hospital. When I went to school and in one of my jobs I made friends with girls who had diabetes, I was always checking in with them if they seemed off, making sure they had tested blood or taken insulin.
your son will educate others on allergies, he will look after other kids at school if they have allergies and make sure if they have any possible reaction that he gets them help

But it would be nice to show kindness towards those with serious illnesses.
What an awful world we live in with attitudes like LauraNorda

I think that’s going too far. My dd starts school in September, I of course wont send in food with nuts but there’s no way I’m checking ingredients for creams. She’s allergic to a lot of sun creams so the one she can have she will be wearing and taking in to school, nuts or no nuts in the ingredients. She can’t wear others so that one it is.

though I’ve read our school policy and there’s nothing about not bringing but containing products in, only food and drink, so it’s ok anyway. And also nothing about not eating nuts before school so she can carry on eating peanut butter for breakfast.

Why castor oil? I looked it up and it’s made from a plant. Not nuts? I would be asking them.

There are more and more weird threads like this "Tell me how outrageous this non existent policy/thing no one has said is"

@MrsAvocet I was going to say the sane thing about the message from the Anaphylaxis Association regarding not saying that you are a 'nut-free' school as it creates complacency.

a bit of me kind of hopes they or someone they love does develop an allergy. I bet they would give a shit then!

Sounds like the kind of person who would eat nuts on a flight just because they’ve been told not to. Because fuck it if someone dies so they can have a snack.

disclosure - kids with nut allergies. Although I did already try not to kill anyone before this. Imagine thinking that a moisturiser was more important than the actual life of a child.