Ds has moved back home after 3 years living with his ex.
He's 25 and he does absolutely nothing around the house or garden, if he's asked to do something he'll do such a poor job that it will need doing again, he can't wash up properly and leaves frying pans and pots grease stained and dirty so dh or I have now said leave the washing up so we can do it properly, the washing up he accumulates is only his packed lunch he cooks salmon or chops to take and rice or potatoes late at night so we have to wake up and clean up.
I cook his main meal with the family which I'm happy to do as I would anyway and one more portion is nothing.
He has all his washing done for him because he's so heavy handed with the buttons and broke the last machine, he peels his clothes off and puts them in the laundry basket inside out, even socks, he treads down so hard on the pedal bin we're on about our 3rd this year, he's broken the front and back door and his bedroom door just by being heavy handed yanking the handle, he leaves the bathroom soaked through every day and his towel on the floor because no amount of asking him to open window sinks in, he leaves black marks all over the house from his dirty hands, (he works in a filthy factory) it cleans off but is extra work, he makes so much mess and work for me and does nothing, or puts such little effort into reluctantly doing what's asked that I have to do it again anyway.
He has no life outside of work, no friends and no hobbies never leaves the house which he seems happy with, he works the same hours as us so is in his room all night every night a thin wall away so our sex life has nose dived.
He's now informed us he's going to go back to college and then do an apprenticeship after, which I admire anyone who wants to better themselves but this just screams I'm not going anywhere anytime soon.
He lies to us constantly, he's also very unsociable and keeps his life very private so even having a conversation or exchanging pleasantries is awkward because he doesn't like questions so even how was your day is a one word answer so not to give anything away.
I make allowances for him because he is possibly autistic or has ADHD but refuses to get assessed as he feels he's just the way he is and doesn't want a diagnosis or medication.
I am I constantly arguing with dh about something else he's done because dh moans to me as ds won't be spoken to about anything, it's like living with a teenager who just storms off at the first sign of criticism or he'll shout and argue back and then nothing changes except the atmosphere.
I feel completely snowed under with the situation, our marriage is at breaking point and there's nothing I can do about it because he's likely going to be here for the foreseeable future if not forever.