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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I lend him the money???

625 replies

Strawberryshortgirl · 10/05/2024 10:01

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

OP posts:
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6
Tontostitis · 10/05/2024 12:03

1 Universal Credit
2 Business Plan and bank loan
Either option but not your savings. You don't live together and he has no income. If his business is viable he can do option 2 and option 1 in the meantime. If you aren't living together and don't have wedding plans after 2 years you aren't in a serious enough relationship to lend anything let alone serious sums.

SherrieElmer · 10/05/2024 12:03

NO!!! This is one of them situations when your brain needs to override whatever feelings you have for this man.
Those hard earned savings are the result of countless hours of hard work and dedication. Think of how arduous has it been for you to be in this position. Can you categorically affirm that his person is going to value this money the same way as you ? Absolutely not.

DONT YOU DARE LEND HIM THE MONEY WOMAN!

Tontostitis · 10/05/2024 12:04

Oh and I think i voted wrong as couldn't work out which one meant no don't do it

SherrieElmer · 10/05/2024 12:04

Sorry about the uppercase, but I do think you need a good shake at this moment.

TheCultureHusks · 10/05/2024 12:14

No. Absolutely not. NO.

This stinks to high heaven. He would have known weeks, maybe even months ago that this would be how things would pan out - it just doesn’t make sense otherwise. He knew his living costs, he knew his savings amount, he knew when he would start getting paid. And he had no contingency or plan? Even with children to support??

So - either he is so thick that he genuinely should be nowhere near running a business, and you should run a mile from losing your money by handing it over to an idiot - or, get this, YOU were his contingency and his spare money pot, and he always planned to siphon off your savings to get him started.

I bet he hasn’t asked. He’s just made sure you know how hard it is, sigh sigh, ohhh if only I had some cash to just tide me over, my poor kids etc.

You would be a FOOL to lend him anything, you absolutely are unlikely to see it again.

’Just another month babe, until that other contract means I can plan ahead’

’Just another couple of weeks babe, I need to pay this off first’

’i can’t believe you’re pressuring me about the money, I can’t do this anymore…’ POOF and he’s gone.

with your savings!

kiwiane · 10/05/2024 12:18

If his plans were good then the bank would lend or he’d have this lean time sorted.
No way would I give my money to him - he needs to work and pay his living expenses.

Havanananana · 10/05/2024 12:20

He can't pay his current rent, food and living costs.
He can't pay his child support.
He can't afford the petrol to come over.
You've been supporting him for the last year as he hasn't worked.
He's emotionally blackmailing you with bollox about "being supportive."
He can't be arsed to roll out of bed and get a job, but thinks profits will start rolling in - assuming that he actualy manages to get any work done.
He wants you to give him £5k, £8k, £10K to support a business that seemingly only exists in his head ...?

That's a no from me 🙄

SecondRow · 10/05/2024 12:20

NO!!! This is one of them situations when your brain needs to override whatever feelings you have for this man.

And even then, it's not feelings of love, heart over head, that's making you consider giving him the money, OP, is it? It's guilt, pressure, manipulation.

Do you have children yourself, OP?

MyPerfectHotel · 10/05/2024 12:24

These types of threads grind my gears. The OP clearly doesn't think she is BU so what is the point in posting?

EnidsOTHERBretonTop · 10/05/2024 12:27

You are not listening to any of us, so go to the bank withdraw the cash and set fire to it. You are not going to see it again either way.

Bet he has asked you to keep this a secret …………Because you are not the only one he is tapping up for cash.

CwmYoy · 10/05/2024 12:27

If he's broke he shouldn't be paying CM. Not should you. If you have to help then pay his rent direct and any other essential bill.

Don't just give him the money

Daleksatemyshed · 10/05/2024 12:28

A man who has bills to pay, especially CMS, should have planned this out financially, not waited until he was broke. Leaning on you for money doesn't speak well for him either. Keep your savings Op, what would happen if you had an emergency and needed the money?

WalrusOfLove · 10/05/2024 12:30

Bit risky I'd say but could also work out really well if business takes off.

plasq · 10/05/2024 12:33

Most small businesses fail.
If he didn't plan for this shortfall (what was his backup plan?) why should you give him money.

Never ever lend money unless you are comfortable never getting it back.

LostRider · 10/05/2024 12:33

Only lend what you can afford to lose.
Because likelihood or not you won't see it again -
2 years is not a long relationship .. was it his idea or yours? Id offer help mentally, physically and with my time but would not part with cash nor guarantor a loan for a partner I do not live with ( or one I do without shared goals and benefits and holding a perception/ evidence they are good with money...)

And don't leave yourself without your own emergency funds!

Pretz123 · 10/05/2024 12:34

Please don't loan this money. The fact he has let it get to an urgent stage where he can't pay rent or CS does not bode well for his business future. Banks will give loans against contracts placed which makes me concerned he doesn't have them fully in place? Don't be emotionally bullied into this....

twilightcafe · 10/05/2024 12:34

You'll never see that money again.

Ladyj84 · 10/05/2024 12:36

Doesn't it worry you that no money has been made yet. Sorry I wouldn't be subsidising anyone. Help and advise but not give my savings sorry

Bananadramallamas · 10/05/2024 12:37

🚩🚩🚩He sounds like a grifter with his eyes on your savings.

godmum56 · 10/05/2024 12:37

do not do this.

Newbutoldfather · 10/05/2024 12:37

There are so many downsides to this and so few upsides.

As you say, he is a boyfriend of 2 years, and you are not even living together. What happens if you split up? Do you think think his ex gf would be his first priority when he gets some cash?

The only way you should do this is properly legally documented (ideally with fair interest). I wouldn’t try to own a part of the business as some have suggested. He could just but the business into liquidation and start up the next day under a new name, leaving you penniless.

However, if he has proper signed contracts due later this year, you could take ownership of these, get the money paid into your account, and then pay him whatever remains after he has paid you back. Again you would have to take good legal advice and do it formally (it is called factoring, lending against trade credits).

Finally, if time is of the essence and you really want to help him, give him just enough to last until you can advance the rest under a proper legal contract. And accept that you never may see this money again.

ABirdsEyeView · 10/05/2024 12:39

He'll lose all your money as well as his. He ought to have stayed employed until he had enough paying customers to enable him to work fit on his business.

It's so irresponsible to put his child support at risk

Onelifeonly · 10/05/2024 12:41

No unless you're prepared to never see the money again and to still need to subsidise his living costs in the future.

No start up business can guarantee incomes / profits.

I've been with my DH for decades. He has run his own business throughout. He has never asked to use our money to fund it. But I wouldn't allow it if he did, even now. Nothing is certain in business.

Codlingmoths · 10/05/2024 12:42

What does q3 mean? July? Invoices sent September and he gets paid November? I think he needs a part time job ASAP. And has he asked family or just you?

potato57 · 10/05/2024 12:42

He needs to earn money himself as he would do if you weren't there. So subletting or airbnbing a spare room, doing Uber/Amazon/Deliveroo, short-term freelancing/contracting work, temp jobs with a quick start, etc.

Investing in his business is a bad idea, you'll have 50% of nothing.

It will take a long time to be profitable even if he doesn't make excuses for paying you back.

There's a reason no one will lend to him, it's too much of a risk. If it's worth investing in he can get an investor or use something like Kiva for social business lending.