Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

This is a man who has responsibilities and obligations and has no plan apart from I’ll have my girlfriend bail me out. He doesn’t sound fit to run a business, he doesn’t sound fit to be a father. Is this really what you want from your life? I definitely wouldn’t be “lending” (let’s be fair you’re unlikely to see it back) money.

So more evidence of poor judgement. He won't make this work with poor planning, poor budgeting skills and poor judgement too.

Bloody well LTB. He is a liability

Wtf? She'd never be able to get him to leave if she did that!

This man is a waster. A man who does not prioritise paying for their child is nothing but a deadbeat.

There's nothing wrong with setting up a business, but he should be doing paid work on the side (anything at all) so that he can pay his way and contribute to his child's needs.

I would run a mile from someone who is unable to support his child and can't even be bothered to work p/t. But is happy to lay the blame on you for not funding him.

He must have been able to see this situation coming for some time OP and has chosen to let it get so bad he now can't meet his basic living expenses. Would you have allowed yourself to get into this position? Does that seem like something an astute and responsible (both of which are necessary qualities to run a successful business) person would do? If you're not careful you will end up being guilted into doing something you know is a bad idea, what does that say about the dynamics of this relationship? These are all questions you need to ask yourself and you need to be brutally honest with yourself about the answers.

Looking forward to the MN post in Q3 ‘Help! My boyfriend borrowed money from me and can’t pay it back!’

I think he knew you had you savings and that was always his plan, his safety net is you. Pretty intense for a 2 year relationship.

Do you know that these future contracts are absolutely watertight- they can’t change their minds and pull out?

I find it strange to take a whole year out to set something up when he hadn’t money set aside to cover bills during that time. It would worry me that it’s a bit on a wing and a prayer. I think it’s quite likely that you won’t get the money back. You don’t even live together, he could walk away tomorrow. So perhaps pay his bills for him this month, but he has to get an evening job to save up for next month’s bills? But be very careful and think what you could afford to lose.

if he doesn't have the nous to realise he needed a steady income while setting up the business, he's shown he won't have it to run the business.

This is a Billy Bunter's postal order situation. He will swear the money is just around the corner, and it won't be.

Don't do it.

You seriously need your head examined if you are even remotely considering this proposition. I reckon he'll bleed you dry and leave you hanging. If you say no which you absolutely should, you get to free yourself from this chancer and keep your savings. I know of someone who lost their home believing someone's'help me' story

He's got himself to a point where he's going to struggle to pay child maintenance. This is not the act of a responsible adult. He's got kids to support, he needed to be putting their best interests first and he's failed to do that. Yes he should have got a job sooner. I don't think lending him money is a sensible option, but if you do do it you absolutely must make sure it's all properly documented. There are just too many stories of women lending their partners money and then not getting it back.

And what does he do in return for you?

That’s a really hard decision for you to make
There’s a saying “ only lend money you can afford not get back”
one of my very close longstanding friends had a difficult period in her life some years ago and I lent her £2000 from a small inheritance I received around the same time. I could have absorbed the loss if necessary. I told her she didn’t need to worry about a time scale for repaying. She did repay me within a year as a lump sum but….
There were a couple of times when I secretly was a bit miffed when she for instance went to the theatre or bought some new clothes - very irrational of me but you might feel the same if you see him spending your money on something inessential!

"My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year."

What's he been doing up until now to earn money - and what is he going to do in order to earn some money between now and the "next month or so" when the contracts start?

Why will he not get paid until the "end of Q3" - i.e. end of September? He should be billing on a monthly basis for work completed (depending on the business, even on a weekly basis), but even this means that work done in June and invoiced at the end of the month probably won't be paid for until the beginning of August. How does he intend to fund himself and the business until then?

What happens if the contracts fail to materialise or get cancelled? What happens if they don't pay on time, demand a discount or simply don't pay?

Although you won't say how much he's asking for, let's assume that it's at least 4 months rent plus the same in total for child support, bills and living expenses. So somewhere between £5,000 and £10,000??? What about the cost of running the business - transport, materials, equipment, insurances etc?

This has better be a bloody good business if he's going to be earning enough to cover his current outgoings (rent, bills, child support etc) and the outgoings of the business - and pay you back anything more than a few hundred pounds a month.

"He isn’t able to get a bank loan as he can’t show income for the past year."

So you've already been subsidising him for a year - and now he wants you to "lend" him whatever savings you have left? Have you actually seen any of these contracts? How much are they paying? If no more than he'd get working somewhere else then it's not financialy worth the effort.

As for taking a share in the "business" be very wary of doing this. If you become a co-owner you might also be liable for the business debts - e.g. if he runs up debts for materials, VAT, income tax, on a business credit card etc.

I wouldn’t and I’m a pretty trusting person who’s lent relatively large sums of money in the past. Presumably he’s asked for a bank loan and been refused?

Tha answer is no but if you wish to never see the money again fine go ahead.Maybe you are very wealthy and can afford to never see it again I imagine he will run through whatever you give him not lend because it will be a gift and ask for more.His child will go without,the business will fail and you have lost your money.Crack on you have been warned.

Bloody hell OP- just look at what you've written:

He's used all his savings on starting this business without budgeting for rent, bills and child support
The contracts are "lined up" and "might" be paid in Q3 even though there is no official start date
Bank wont lend him money as he hasn't worked
He hasn't worked for a year, because he's been "working on the business" yet he wont get a part time job because it's too late, and what's the point now?
His ex is presumably having to pay everything now for HIS child because he didnt prioritise part of his savings for his child maintenance
He's "mentally struggling" with it all yet still managed to ask you for a "reasonably large" sum of money from your savings
You dont live together and you barely see each other because he cant afford the petrol

Do you honestly think this is a man who is capable of building a successful business? Do you even think he sounds like a decent man?

I dont.

RUN.

When did he first mention the possibility of you financially supporting him? The sudden urgency here is manipulative, the situation has obviously been coming down the line for months

"I think it’s quite likely that you won’t get the money back.... So perhaps pay his bills for him this month..."

This is people-pleasing bullshit. Why on earth should she pay his bills for any length of time at all?

Paying once will just set up the expectation of future support, and kick the can further down the road. There is a solution to the problem of having a financially irresponsible deadbeat dad for a BF, and it's not to pay his bills.

The fact that he would put his child/rens welfare at risk by not being in a position to pay maintenance is THE biggest red flag for me.

His children should be his number 1 responsibility.

He sounds like a dreamer.

Banks make money lending. They want to do it. If they say no it’s because they think the risk is too great. If a bank thinks the risk is too high I’d trust their judgment- it’s what they’re expert at. I don’t know why your boyfriend thinks you should take on a risk that a bank won’t touch.

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year

I run a small business, and although you haven't given us much information to work with - this sounds at best naïve and at worst as dodgy as fuck.

We're now half way through May, and the work has yet to start, and yet he is expecting money to start coming in by the end of September (if he's talking Jan-Dec, or end of Dec if he's talking Tax year April to March). Most businesses work on a 30 day payment period, so to expect money to start rolling in, he has to have the contracts completed and invoiced by end of August. That's if they pay up on time and in full, and sadly this doesn't always happen.

No one would have advised your BF to set up a business without knowing where the money is coming from. He should have been working full time, saving like crazy and establishing his business.

He needs to get a job now, any job. he should be signing on with agencies, working every hour Gods sends. He needs the wherewithal to pay his rent and CM urgently. Is he doing this ?

Running a small business is bloody hard work and requires guidance & support. He's either not sought guidance or has ignored what he's been told. This is not good grounds for a successful business and yes, I think like others, he's failing before he's even started. 50% of all new businesses fail in the first 2 years -that's a fact. You can have the best business ideas, sound financial backing and a great work ethic and still fail. Sadly I don't think your BF has at least 2 of those.

This is a long winded way of saying, only give him the money if you can afford to loose it.

I'd like to be wrong.

I don't believe I am

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5028152-to-stick-to-terms-of-agreement-with-friends?page=1

If you want to buy shares in the business I'd have a read of this first

Well fuck that because he’s not there as a father as a way a father should he (supporting his kids) so why does it matter what he thinks about being in a couple. You’re not committed in that you’re not engaged, married or own a property together. He could walk away at any time.

The bank said no because they can't see how they will get their money back. Don't do it, or you will be in the same situation again in 6/12 months time but with no money