Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

Doing what exactly, 'building the business' if he hasn't actually done any work in all this time?

Contracts lined up means nothing - I've had a job agreed in principle and awaiting the word go and final details for two YEARS now, it'll pay a few K, if anyone ever says 'go' but until they do, I won't count that particular chicken. Nor will I sit on my arse doing fuck all waiting, I'll get on with other things (and have been which is why IM not in fucking debt to everyone and his dog!). It might be that when they finally say 'go' ill have to say 'sorry, you'll now have to wait for me' and they may go elsewhere or not, but thats just life.

Like other posters have mentioned; the fact that you are keeping silent on the type of business it is, it makes one suspicious that it's a MLM type of business or something along those lines.

The OP isn't exactly coming across as the brightest bulb either.

She would be an absolute mug to hand him the cash.

She can still sue him for it ?

Have you ever watched the movie The Tinder swindler?

He sounds like a con artist.

What would he be doing for money if he wasn't in a relationship with you?

So you think he'll pay it back when he has no money, no assets and no legal obligation to do so?

The ability to sue is not much good if there is no money there. Also, even if she does sue and win, she will still have to collect. It doesn't sound like there are any assets for a baliff to collect. Lots of smallish debts are not pursued because it costs money to pursue them and there is no guarantee that you are going to get any money out of the person at the end of it. It's not much point having the law on your side in this situation. This is that rare thing - free legal advice from a practising solicitor.

I also think he's a con artist. I think the "business" is a red herring, it doesn't exist.

A pp said OP has another thread about this and on there she says he borrowed money from a previous gf.

That and the fact that he expects his dc's mother to financially support the dc 100%, suggests he simply thinks women owe him.

We need to watch out for men like this.

If you do win a case they can go bankrupt. Dhs ex did that but I got her insolvency practitioner to classify her debt to dh as a conditional sale and she had to either pay or hand his car back.

Took her 4 years to pay the money back in instalments.

he borrowed money from her and did not return it🤣

Technically yes but it's not easy. I took someone to small claims court a few years ago as I mentioned earlier in the thread, they ignored it and didnt show up. I am still waiting for that money. To take it further and further costs money and it can take years for you to get it back in dribs and drabs. If they declare themselves bankrupt you likely wont see it at all. So it's easy to say just sue but in reality it's costly, incredibly expensive and very stressful because its a really unpleasant process to go through for everyone involved. Why risk it when you can just say no?

I come across a surprising amount of unintelligent would be scammer /con men like OP’s boyfriend and I’m always amazed they think they can scam anyone let alone me . I usually show them up after about ten minutes of conversation and they slink away embarrassed.

But I suppose men like that eventually find someone less smart or savvy than they are to carry about their plans .

Men with kids for example I’ve quizzed them on if their former partner works and made it clear if we lived together they’d have to contribute more to the household so I wasn’t subsidising their child support/former partner. Ie. 50/50 wouldn’t be fair. They seemed a bit gobsmacked as they’re probably used to meeting daft women who rush to say they’ll love to babysit or help out or whatever.

sorry op but for whatever reason this man seen you coming. Don’t be so quick to want to be seen as accommodating and supportive with the next boyfriend. You are
not married nor have shared children, his finances should be his concern and responsibility. No man I’ve been in a relationship with has ever asked me for money. The fact this man has a pattern of doing so is embarrassing.

Sue him for what? He hasn't got a brass razoo.

And OP hasn't infinite funds to sue him, anyway - they're all going on his fake "business".

😂

How exactly do you think suing someone works?

Exactly, you're running a business properly - completely opposite to the OP's boyfriend who seems to have worrying little knowledge of how business works, has done zero research into set-up costs and no business plan, consequently is probably on the road to disaster. The 'pie in the sky' contracts may never materialise, but I think the OP is so concerned with being seen as 'not helping' that she is shutting her eyes to the obvious. He's probably a 'this time next year we'll all be millionaires' merchant. If only it were that easy.

I think it's a foregone conclusion that she'll lend him the money, so it's pointless her coming on here asking for opinions.

I’d just like to add OP I don’t know if you’ll come back to this thread but my final piece of advice is try and get better at doing what I call horizon scanning. Based on a man’s history, plans and current situation what may likely arise in the future?

For instance I was talking to a guy who was 45, no kids thankfully but he was studying at uni for a BA in marketing full time, while working in a bar part-time and living in London. I asked him what his plan was after his degree and he said he wanted to be a “life coach”. To me this guy was a massive gamble likely to end in a loss to me.

It was all so predictable, I could just see his mental plans - a woman would subsidise him through his student days ( it’s not cheap as a student in London after all) ! Then he’d graduate and start faffing about trying to generate work as a “life coach” or getting a masters instead of full-time work.

It can work, some people make money as life coaches but it’s not a sure fire plan like a man who is looking to get a job as an engineer or banker or even a teacher and it can take a long while to generate a strong client base. And there was no real reason why he couldn’t start building his business during uni since you don’t need a degree to be a life coach, but for some reason his plan was to delay it until graduation despite the fact he was going to be 49 by the time he graduated.

So realistically eventually the woman would have to bail him out while his business gets on his feet. So you’d be signing up to support him for the next 7- 10+ years. That is far too much for a new relationship. Especially if you’re not 21 anymore. And no doubt he’d probably leave them for a younger woman once he got established in his 50s . And he did actually disclose he usually dated women 15-20 years younger!

He also had an unimpressive track record since he couldn’t seem to account for what he had been doing career wise other than “working in ice cream shops” before he started uni and he had no assets at 45.

Get some self respect, ditch this man and if you ever meet someone who is going to have to depend on you for several years again please run - it’s likely they see you as a source of support rather than someone they genuinely like and they will eventually leave for that person they really want to be with.

One other thing that I picked up on is that you’ve said a number of times @Strawberryshortgirl that your partner has a few contracts coming in in the next few months, but no indication of the timeframe for payment of those contracts. So again, I don’t think that giving your partner money at this point is a good idea.

The OP will have already lent the money because, you know, love and all the feels yeah. There is no sentiment in business, at least not in successful business. It makes me so frustrated that decent women are so easily gulled by bastards like this.

The lovely girl who works in our local cafe is pregnant with baby no.2. She works all hours because her boyfriend is focused 'on his music' . Unsurprisingly her lovely boyfriend has another child that he's never paid CM to. It's like watching the world's slowest car crash.

I can only assume these bastards are phenomenal in bed with a 10 inch cock? Still not nearly as attractive as a man who is financially solvent and takes care of his responsibilities.

I would say a big fat NO

Agree. I expected to be some MLM or some other type of crap business like life coaching or streamer.

The OP has probably already given it to him looking at her posts. He has convinced her that she is not a nice and "kind" partner otherwise. I bet he's never given her so much as a pound coin.

Such a shame women fall for this tired old BS. You've lost that money forever now OP.

She'll be back on here, probably under a different name, telling a sad story and asking for sympathy. The boyfriend's just one of a type - the type that can spot someone gullible a mile off by means of their radar. He must be laughing his head off.

I understand however if they have been together several years then at least borrowing with something in writing is better than just giving him money.

How do you know it's fake?

Most "start ups" fail in the first six months. He clearly has not thought this one through if he has no money to cover his living expenses and child support. You will lose your money.