Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

I think he needs a better business plan and you need a better boyfriend.

Yes point taken but it was a suggestion why don't u untwist your pants Karen

Snippy , did you flunk out of charm school?

I’m sure this poster means well. But it’s highly unlikely thats it’s a limited company so there will be no shares to buy. And even if there were , it sounds like there are no capital assets . So any shares would not be worth the paper they were printed on.

Don’t do this @Strawberryshortgirl . You will never see you money again and he will dump you as soon as you have no money left.

And @Strawberryshortgirl - I bet you a mars bar that he’s not paying ANY child support. It’s a well known scam- you set up a new business at the end of March , phone up CMS and tell them you are now earning nothing and they you don’t have to pay any child maintenance for 18 months .

Don’t do it!!!! Neither a borrower or a lender be

No definitely don't lend him the money.

Have you seen the contracts? And does he have a good work ethic? And does the business need to find extra expenses to fulfill the contracts? And if so, does he have funding lined up to cover these expenses and any overheads? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then DON'T DO IT!

It is unfortunate, and perhaps telling, that you haven't said what kind of business.

I think you said 'working on his business for a year'. How many employees does he have, how much plant and equipment?

If he has been building a solar farm, and has just signed a contract with the local electricity company, maybe things will be okay.

If he has been trying to set-up downlines for multi-level marketing, or anything crypto related, then keep your purse tightly closed.

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

Do you know why his previous relationship broke up?

No don’t do it. Crazy thing to do

At what point did he realise he wouldn’t be able to make his rent and food bills? You say he’s now got contracts so will get money in Q3, which is presumable Jul - Sept? So at least two months away, maybe 5? And he’s only now saying he’ll get a part time job (and only after asking you to lend him money)?

He was too optimistic initially - not uncommon, but still not great and one of the big reasons businesses fail - but he stayed too optimistic and it must have been clear to him if he’d been tracking things, that he wasn’t going to be able to make it several months ago. Giving up work and relying on savings to build a business is a really risky thing to do and screams God complex. He’s already leant on you rather than be realistic about what he needed to do. Now he wants to borrow your savings.

He’s an adult with children he’s responsible for and he hasn’t been on top of things. It’s a bad sign. If he won’t look after his kids, why do you think he’ll pay you back if things don’t go right?

And are the contracts he’s got enough to pay you back and keep a roof over his head, feed and cloth himself, and pay for his kids once you get to Q3? Or is he going to need all that money to pay his bills and you’ll just have to wait on being paid back? Does he have enough contracts in the pipeline for Q4 and next year? Will he be able to generate business, do the work and do a part time job while he’s trying to get on an even keel and pay you back?

Has he laid it all out for you and shown you how you will definitely get your money back? Or is he wanting you to take a huge risk based on his clearly ill placed hope that it will all work out? Is he offering you interest, or is he expecting your hard work and savings to make him money while you are just promised getting your money back?

Apart from the risk of losing the money you lend him - do you have enough to lend him money without it putting you in a risky position? If you lost your job/had your landlord end your tenancy/had your car break down/etc. would you have enough savings to tide you over? Or would you suddenly be in a precarious situation?

You haven't mentioned how much money? If it's 4 months living expenses then I assume it's around 10k?

I think you would be mad to do this. You only know him 2 years and for at least one of those years he hasn't earned money, spent his time "setting up a business" aka sat at home. I have never know a successful business person take a year to set up and earn zilch in that time.

Have you seen the contracts? Do they have conditions/deliverables that have to be met before he will be paid?

He should be working now or selling anything he owns to finance himself.

If you GIVE him the money...treat it as a gift not a loan as I really doubt you will get it back. Don't Liam it needs you can afford to throw it away.

He needs to work two (or even three) jobs like hundreds of other start up business owners. Furthermore, he should have been doing that for the last year. This is a problem of his own making.

His financial situation is not your problem. The answer to giving your savings to him is no. Your money is yours. He needs to work out his finance. You might not get the money back which for him isn’t a problem but for you it’s your security. Just say no not possible.

You would be insane to do this.

Seriously, your boyfriend sounds like an irresponsible idiot.

If you do this, the likelihood is that you will never see any of the money again, and indeed that he keeps on coming back for more. He didn't plan for his business appropriately, or he wouldn't be in this position. This does not inspire any confidence for how well it will function going forwards. This could easily end up with both of you broke, him still refusing to get a job because his "business" will pay off soon, honest, and you working every hour desperately trying to support both of you.

So sad. We all know how this is going to pan out, don't we? Just so, so, so many red flags.

Why was her boyfriend prepared to risk not being able to make his child maintenance payments? Why isn't ensuring his children's financial security his no 1 priority?

Why is he only [grudgingly] prepared to work part time until his 'business' takes off? A lot of successful self employed people work 18hr days for the first few years, doing anything and everything to bring the money in [I'm married to one of them, and related to several more].

How can he look at himself in the mirror knowing he's taking hard earned savings of his girlfriend when he's not prepared to work like a dog himself to bring the money in?

How much are we talking? What is the business and is it even viable?

I own a business with my DH. The concerning part for me is how urgently he “needs” your money. He’ll have known for ages that he’s in the shit but it sounds like he’s pressuring you to hand over your money when he should have actioned a game plan weeks (if not months) ago

Agree

I've said it before and so have other posters. Whatever you do, don't become a partner in this business. Frankly for those posters who have suggested this, they should not be making stupid and dangerous suggestions about something they know nothing about. You will not only lose your money but become jointly and severally liable as a partner for all the business debts. I am assuming he hasn't had a limited liability company set up. I would be too scared to have any ownership of this business without at least the protection of a limited liability company. Well actually I'd never lend him any money either way but at least you won't be liable for his debts.

The OP asked if she is BU handing over the cash to support him

Edit: this is in reply to havanananana. For some reason the quote didn't work

Sorry but this would give me the massive ick. He’s set up a business he couldn’t afford to set up independently AND he has child maintenance to pay if that’s what “CM” is. He’s taken a huge financial risk he couldn’t afford to take, his child is worse off as a consequence and you as his girlfriend are meant to bale him out?!

This is the kind of joint financial decision married couples living together make. Not parters living separately who have children to support. He sounds like an incompetent dreamer.

Well stated.

He's a work-shy git happy to have others fulfill his obligations. Happy to let his children go without. What a prince.

That right there makes the red flags wave like they are in a wind tunnel.

Has he ever run a business before? Just because he has some contracts "ready to go" doesn't mean those contracts will continue. It usually takes a while before the kinks are ironed out.

No, you don't lend money to someone unless you are fine with never seeing it again. He should be working NOW and starting his business up in his spare time.
I think that you will end up being sorry, but that's JMHO.

I would walk away in a rapid pace.