Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

You can't have shares in the company just like that. He hasn't even got a limited company. I wouldn't go there, honestly.

He should get a part time job to pay for his expenses whilst he builds his business. A weekend or evening role. To set up a business he should have saved to cover the months or years it takes to establish a regular income. His poor planning isn’t encouraging for you to get your money back. I wouldn’t lend him money or ‘invest’ in his company.

I run a business and no one in their right mind with a shred of business sense, would jack in employment until their startup was making money in some way, then to get to a point where you have completely run out of money and STILL won't get a job on the side. I can't tell you how lazy it is of him to get into debt rather then working.. him saying he wouldn't earn enough anyway is such an idiotic response.. he's earning fuck all now

Can concur. I run a successful business that I started from scratch that now employs 40 people. I started it knowing I had another form of income to cover my mortgage and bills and my kids. Once I started it, I worked my arse off and started bringing money in by month 2. If I had been at for an entire year and still no money had materialised I would have concluded that I wasn't great at building a business and I would have got a job by now. He clearly isnt capable of running a business and the fact he wont get a part time job is evidence that he's lazy and unmotivated. He just wants to leech off you.

What a huge turn off, I honestly dont know how you can look at him and still be attracted to him. Yuck.

I would say no.

What are you getting out of this relationship??
you don’t go anywhere, you hardly see him, let me guess he has his kids to mind when you do see him, he doesn’t work, is potless and honestly sounds a bit thick.
Have you got kids?
If not do you want them?
please don’t lend this silly scrounger money or have babies with him, he as proved he doesn’t take his responsibilities seriously.
Im 100% sure you can find a better man than this op.
That would be a better bet than backing this “business”

OP,

You seem to be making every excuse under the sun why you should give him this money ( it isn't a loan, you won't see a penny back).

You are desperately looking for one or two responses that will tell you it's fine to do this, whilst ignoring the huge majority that are saying this is an incredible red flag.

Can you not see that any man that leaves himself so skint that he can't pay his child maintenance is probably a waste of space.

Love is blind and all that, and by the sounds of it you will give him this money anyway no matter what advice you get here..just be prepared to have to do this every month from now on.

Unless there has been some misunderstanding, over 100 people have so far voted that the OP is being unreasonable in NOT supporting the boyfriend and not handing over her life savings.

No wonder there are men who see being a cocklodger as a viable lifestyle choice.

I'd be wary of loaning money to anyone. Having money coming in is great, but it's not in until it's in. I worked for a small company that went bust waiting for one customer to pay up on a £50k contract.

I've got a family member who runs their own business and has had a hard six months which has led to their income being up and down. They've borrowed money from a lot of people with the expectation they would receive a payment early April. A month later they're still waiting for it.

Saying no is easier said than done though. I wouldn't be handing money over unconditionally. I'd want to see where they were planning on paying it back from. What would happen if it the business or relationship didn't work out? I'm not 100% how it would work but I'd want to formalise the arrangement so the other party would be responsible for paying the debt regardless.

I don't think he is an inept businessman with little financial acumen.
I think he is financially astute because
HE IS A CON MAN.
You appear to be the only source of income he is interested in
the emotional blackmail he is feeding you. "I can't let him fail/fall apart" when there is something I could do to help as a proper partner should.
"It has come to a point where it’s all very urgent and he needs the money now to pay bills. So getting all that drawn up would mean time and legal fees."That sounds exactly like something a con man would say... no time to think... money now... its urgent. If you love me, you will step in and save me. Pay me now or I will face disaster. He always comes to your place and now he doesn't. That is a bit like saying pay me and I'll be able to travel to see you. Maybe he's staying away because its getting harder and harder to keep up with any questions

OP Ask yourself (no need to tell us, just yourself)
Do you have a good income/savings.
What is the name of this company is it registered
How much has he invested already in computers, software, accountants, premises, furniture, website, marketing social media etc...
How has he financed this to date?
Have you ever heard him take a business call?
Has he been contacted by Bailiffs how much does he owe? Who are his suppliers? Who are his prospective clients? What's his history? What is his work background/experience to run this business.
How many of his family/friends/relatives/colleagues/his child have you met in real life. How many has he met on your side.

Are there gaps in his story? Most new business owners can't talk about anything else, you must have heard some concrete details in two years.
Are you sure he's all he says he is? Please think very carefully before you jump to save him.

Formalising arrangements are all very well but to take someone to court is massively expensive. I took someone to small claims court a few years ago- they didnt show up to the hearing and ignored all correspondence. I am still waiting for that money and to take it further costs £££. Going down the legal route can take years and a LOT of money, you have to then work out if the costs are worth it. Also, if they end up on an IVA or going bankrupt you'll never see it all back anyway

How much and how long have you been together? I would ask for a % in his business

How much and how long have you been together? I would ask for a % in his business

20% of zero is still zero.

So this prince of men, seemingly the only one available in your area has spent all his savings and he hasn’t put plans in place to at least cover the child maintenance? @Strawberryshortgirl

wtf are you doing? Of course it’s all last minute now and desperate

he knew he’d need to cover this and his rent and he hasn’t gone out and got a job.

dont you dare put your hand in your savings. You already ARE supporting him day to day.

this is not the behaviour of a man. A real man doesn’t piss all the money away to the point he’s likely to get evicted or his ex has to raise his kids with zero money.

just tell him the money is tied up, you can’t access it at all. Go and stick it in a fixed isa or something if that helps secure it.

Spamming the THANKS button on this one.

@Strawberryshortgirl Do not fall for this

There's a lot you can tell from the way he asked you. A decent person (if they even did ask) would be apologetic for getting in such a bad financial state, ask with respect and care, let you know there would be no repercussions if you said no, apologise that you can't now use the savings for X (he'd know what your long term plans for it were because he cares for you).

But in fact he let you feel your "niceness" (a dangerous concept) is on the line if you say no.

He may be the nicest and most generous man on the planet. But from what you've said, his behaviour is indistinguishable from a leech who's buttered you up for 2 years and now wants his payoff.

Sorry OP if you're reading this, that was a bit brutal!

Personally I would not , simply because he should have accounted all those , if he didn’t he is already failing at his business

I bet he'd love it if the OP did come on board with this! If he's got no money or assets and OP has, then she'll end up losing the lot if/when it all goes belly-up!

This was a totally barmy idea and if OP does it and his business sinks as seems likely, she's well and truly scuppered.

He’s prioritised hi# business over providing for his kids. This tells you who he is. Believe him, and absolutely do not loan him money. Clearly has no morals.

The way i think about lending money is can I afford not to see it again as that's the scenario many people who lend end up in. I lent money to a friend who had paperwork indicating they could pay me back in 2 weeks. It was 3 years before the money was returned something more important always seemed to crop up including nights out and paying for a boyfriends trip! It can make the relationship very different as resentment grows.

Your boyfriend could have got a job, claimed UC short term why is he happier to let you bail him out? Even if he has contracts it doesn't sound like he planned the finances well to set up the business do you think he will pay you back when he has more pressing expenses every month or a tax bill he hadn't put money aside for etc

Don't do this!!!!!

If you own half the business you could end up liable for half the debts if it doesn't work. He doesn't have a viable business yet and you don't know if he ever will.

Same for those posters saying make sure it's a properly drawn up loan. If the business fails and he's on his arse you'll spend £££££'s trying to enforce a loan he doesn't have the money to repay.

If it’s a viable business then he can get a business loan

So he's let it get to the point where he can't afford to pay his child support, meaning his kids might have to go without now if their mother is relying on that money.

But you trust him to pay you back? You have to be ok with losing this money because there's a high chance that you will.

And he can't even pay his rent either and let it get to that point, sounds like he just assumed all along he could hit you up for a loan

The day I lend a bloke money for his child support is the day I’d be much better on
my own.

So he knew that he had a child to support and rent and bills to pay, so he gave up his job. He then did fuck all to bring in work and blew his savings. He also didn't get even a part time job while he was sitting on his arse twiddling his thumbs with no self employment.

How is this on you to fund exactly? If you bail him out now, he will expect you to do so for the rest of your life. The amount he took from you started small, then ramped up once you were seen as a sure thing. I would put money on a sob story about how broke his evil ex left him too.

Say no and let him face the consequences of his own actions. Then watch him move on to the next mark. Tale as old as time.