Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

Do him a shop for the freezer, fill the car with fuel etc, don’t hand over a wad of cash

You are boyfriend and girlfriend - you are not husband and wife. His financial decisions and the consequences of those - where you have said 'If I don’t give him the living costs he will surely end up being evicted and get a bad credit rating' are not your problem to solve. I feel really bad for the mother of his child who will not receive child support payments, If he can't prioritise paying for his child, I can't imagine where paying you back would fall in his priorities.

Protect yourself financially and say no to this request.

It sounds like you are a very nice person and you want to help someone out, and I completely understand what you are saying about if the shoe was on the other foot you would hope he would help you out.

It's your money, it's your decision, but most people's advice is for you not to do this - I would def go with the overwhelming majority.

Good luck with whatever you decide x

I’d let him stay with you rent free for now but I definitely wouldn’t give him any money. He has not planned this well if he is already struggling so it doesn’t bode well for the future. If you do decide to lend him money then get a contract drawn up.

If the bank won't lend to him neither should you, unless you can afford not to be repaid.

Unless you're rich and don't care do NOT lend him the money, watch the relationship unravel and him moving to "greener pastures".

The general rule is to never loan any money that you cannot afford to lose.

I’d be ok helping my partner out if he needed some money in the short term, if you’re ok with that too, and can do so without putting yourself in a tough financial situation, I see no reason why you shouldn’t

I’m sorry OP but his financial planning is disastrous and now he’s at an urgent level of requiring capital just to live, not to actually invest in his company.

I’m a business owner and fully conversant with start up capital requirements etc. I’m incredulous that he’s got himself in this mess and his company hasn’t even billed one single invoice.

Many businesses fail due to lack of planning, over ambitious timescales and financial ineptitude. He doesn’t sound in a viable position to be running a business at this stage without capital OR money to actually live on and pay his own personal bills.

In addition you are merely a girlfriend and are being asked at the 11th hour to rescue him financially from his own financial troubles.

Banks lend to startups as do businesses Angels and other investors. If he’s explored these and they are saying no then frankly he’s not a good business prospect. From the sounds of it he requires tens of thousands to meet his day to day bills until such time that his business clients start paying him money. How on earth do you think he will be able to repay this debt?

this, banks are professional lenders, and they have decided he's not a good prospect. You should do the same.

no. Do not do this. Tell him to get a job. Starting a business takes a lot of sacrifice including of spare time, as you need to find a way of keeping yourself afloat before you have enough income to pay yourself.

These threads baffle me. He’s YOUR boyfriend YOU know him better than anyone on here yet you come here to ask?

Don’t you trust your own judgment?

Well I am a solicitor. Don't "invest" in his "business". I imagine he is going to be a sole trader and if you become a "partner" in the business you would end up jointly and severally liable for any debts. This means that creditors can come after just you for the whole lot. Yes, they can go after one partner for the whole lot.

Drawing up a written agreement is fine in theory but if he claims he doesn't have the money or really doesn't have the money then it becomes all very problematic. The idea that it is for a few months is unrealistic.

Banks don't want to lend money to your boyfriend because he is not a good bet. They are professionals and they don't think they can make it work so why would you think it would work for you?

This point must have been coming for months and only now he has a sudden sense of urgency to get you to hand over your savings. Why wasn't he claiming benefits (maybe he is/was) or trying to get a part-time job? Has he got any idea about how to manage cashflow other than being stupidly optimistic? Will he have to buy materials to fulfil these contracts and who is going to pay for that? Are these contracts all signed up? Have any deposits been paid?

What really are you getting out of this relationship? You don't live together, you don't go out, you hardly see him and you are paying more than your fair share. Now he wants your savings for an untried business idea where he obviously has no prior experience of running a business. This is not what you would expect from a girlfriend of two years. I could not in a million years imagine me handing over my savings in these circumstances and I could not imagine any decent man asking for it. He didn't even plan how he was going pay any child support. If he can be that callous or stupid about his own child why would he prioritise your welfare?

You sound quite young and, I am not trying to be nasty, gullible. If your parents are sensible and available I suggest you talk this over with them. I am sure they will echo the advice other posters have given and be horrified about him pressuring you like this.

OP you would be an absolute fool to give him money.

He will bleed you dry.

@Spinningroundahelix He didn't even plan how he was going pay any child support. If he can be that callous or stupid about his own child why would he prioritise your welfare?

🙏

You don't do much, don't go out and he doesn't come over.

For half of your two year relationship.

But he wants your savings?

Sorry, you need to open your eyes. Hes using you.

Out of interest how much is he asking for?

In all honesty OP, he probably won't be able to get this business off the ground anyway, not if he's had a year out of it and done nothing. I run a business and no one in their right mind with a shred of business sense, would jack in employment until their startup was making money in some way, then to get to a point where you have completely run out of money and STILL won't get a job on the side. I can't tell you how lazy it is of him to get into debt rather then working.. him saying he wouldn't earn enough anyway is such an idiotic response.. he's earning fuck all now.

I wouldn't be lending him anything in the circumstances. He sounds like a bit of a dreamer and probably thought it would be easy to run a business, but if you think about it logically, you need some sort of working capital in business, if he is down to nothing and is getting in to debt too, he has to make an awful lot of money just to get back to where he was 1 year ago, he may never get there.

Some people are just too lazy or don't have enough business sense to work for themselves, you may find he is one of them.

Agree he's using you.

And I'm going to make one of those famous MN leaps of imagination:

He's seeing you less often than before, he's borrowed money from an ex gf previously (mentioned on your other thread I think), he's been in a string of presumably 3 serious relationships (or at least the women involved thought it was serious) in potentially a shortish time if he dc is still young, and this money appears to be needed suddenly and urgently.

So maybe he's met the next lucky woman?

No. What's his business plan? Why has he started a business with no cash savings whatsoever? Why won't it pay a penny till quarter 3? He's likely using you.

OP if he was single he would have to sort this out for himself and stand on his own two feet. It sounds like he always knew you had savings and always intended to use these as a back up, not wanting you to spend money doing things or going out for the last year.

God I wish I'd read this thread 20 years ago.

So he’s not worked for a year, whilst also failing to get the business running and he thought running through his savings was the option?

If he wasn’t with you, how would he manage?

Why didn’t he take a part time job months ago to stave this off? He’s either less than clever, or already saw you as his saviour.

Just no. You don’t even as much as live together, so why? 🤦🏾‍♀️

I do get a feeling that if I were to say no that he would think I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should be.

It sounds like he is just expecting you to bail him out no matter what. I absolutely wouldn’t do this. He has started a ‘business’ without a plan. Sorry, but it would be a no from me.

How much is he asking to borrow, @Strawberryshortgirl ? What would happen if you never get this money back?

Do not do this. Just don't.

I did this and leant him 30k.

1 month later he moved his new GF in and denied all knowledge of the cash.

It took a small claims action to get back about 15k. It took me nearly 10 years of living frugally to pay the rest back. (I borrowed to lend to him as the bank wouldn't lend it to him). I get angry about it to this day but it taught me a huge lesson.

Please just say no.

No. You not married. Can't be get a job too

I would not lend him the money.

He has put himself in a financial risky situation knowing that he needs income for his living expenses and child. He should have continued working while setting up the business.

It is hard becoming self employed and a lot of people can't afford it unless they have huge savings or an income from something else / partner. I couldn't afford it. He can't either.

I would expect him to get a job at this stage.