Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

What stood out to me, is that you don’t seem to be seeing much of each other recently. You said no funds to go out and no funds for his petrol to get to you.

He just doesn’t seem committed somehow. If he wanted to see you, he would.

Incidentally, I leant my bf of 4 years £3k once a long time ago. Never saw it again and when he dumped me a few months later there was nothing I could do.

People who start new businesses either do it entirely outside their normal day job or set themselves a window to deliver a viable business before they watch their whole lives go down the Swanee.

You've had very clear advice.
If you loan him the money, get it in writing that it's a loan repayable within X months.
Even with an agreement in writing it seems highly likely you will not see your money again. Your call as to whether you can afford to give it away.

If you retain some of your savings, what's going to change between now and the next crunch point?
Have you evidence that he has customers who have signed agreements with him to deliver goods or services in the near future? or is it a "pipeline". I work with a company where only 25% of pipeline work lands in any given quarter. They're sustainable because it's a big pipeline but if he only bills 25% of hoped income, where does that leave him and by extension you and his child?
He needs to find a job that covers at a minimum his basic obligations. And you need to insist that the new company becomes a sideline until he is self sustaining.

Nope, don't do it, OP. Don't lend him money or buy an interest in his 'business'.

He's had no income for the last year while he's been setting up this business and now he's used up his savings and run out of money to support himself or his children. Not the sharpest tool in the box, is he?

No, part of any business plan and set up is making sure you set it up within the funds available. If you have rent and bills to pay, and in his case child support, then you start very very small until you can afford to invest more in the business. Are his children supposed to eat air while he makes his first million?

I learned the hard way when it came to lending money to a close friend.

She kept asking for more and more to cover her rent, to get to work, food for the week, shoes for her kids etc etc. In the end I had nearly exhausted my savings. When I told her I needed the money back she suddenly became very elusive, not returning my calls or text. I even called round to her flat but she didn't answer the door altho the lights were on.

It was a good 18 months before I bumped into her again and when I reminded her she owed me money she said I was trying to scam her and to fuck off.

It took me a while and I had to employ some rather unorthodox means but I got it all back.

I've never lent anybody a penny since.

My thoughts exactly! I wouldn't be paying a boyfriend's bills or child support.

Noooooooooooo!!!

For a start he’s incredibly irresponsible if he’s got himself into a position where he can’t afford his child support or his bills, I wouldn’t trust him paying such a large amount back.

. For a second- that is wayyyy too big a risk for you & your savings as chances are the business will fail as a lot do starting out. Also you been with him 2 years- you don’t know how he’ll behave in this situation- people go weird where money is concerned. He probably won’t give it back even if he made it as he’d resent that or he may feel entitled. This may sound cynical but it’s probably true and the risk is way too big for you.

What a pile of bollocks 🤣 I set up my own business from scratch around 3 years ago. When it became profitable we enjoyed the fruits of my labour as a family. I wasn't suddenly capable of cheating on my partner because I had more money in the bank 🙄 This is so much of a stretch it's laughable.

I'm someone who has been in your boyfriend's shoes. The difference is I am with my long-term partner and we own property (and have a child) together. You need to appreciate how much stress you'll feel loaning this money unless you have a guarantee that he'll repay it within a time period. Have you actually seen the contracts confirming the amounts he'll receive and when they'll be due? How long are these contracts for and what happens when they end? My partner kindly gave me money when I went short but I always paid him back, but I know he found it stressful worrying about whether my money would come through in time. It's not a nice way to live, hand to mouth.

No way. Sounds like a crappy relationship anyway if you've had to live so frugally only a year in, when you don't even live together and should be enjoying yourselves. Where were his savings from? Divorce? Sounds like he's been dwindling then down because he couldn't be on benefits with savings. He can claim universal credit, if he can't afford his bills on universal credit, why is that? Either he wants a lifestyle he can't afford and is living somewhere too expensive for someone that hasn't been working, or it's because he has a lot of debt already. If the business was viable he would be able to get a business loan. It's only a personal loan that needs proof of income.

You will see zero pounds of that money again. Please don’t.

I wouldn't unless I was happy for the money to be a gift. You've only been together two years, he has already shown poor financial decision making, so there's a good chance you won't get it back.

Or as a p.p. said, ask for significant shares in his company, if you're confident it's a goer. Make sure you get them legally in writing though.

Significant shares in his (fantasy) company which is going to... make it big on the 12th of never.

How many hours a week is he working on the business at the moment?

He should immediately be getting at least one part-time job. And working evenings/nights/weekends to keep afloat.

A legal share of a company worth bugger all is worth exactly the same as an informal loan though.

Fuck all.

If you lend money, don't expect it back. Better if you did would be to pay the bills so you know it is not spent on something non-essential.

Exactly, don't fall for that, OP.

I am so tired of women falling for the notion that they must overextend themselves to support shiftless boyfriends. If he had gumption he'd be working and "starting the business" in his spare time, and he'd be prioritizing care for his children and providing a home he can take them to - no matter how modest - instead of pursuing some silly pipe dream and mooching off his girlfriend. Real men do NOT do that.

If he wanted to be a business owner he should have thought of that before producing offspring. Now that they are here, becoming self-employed is a luxury he can't afford, and he should have recognized that.

Don't harm yourself financially and emotionally by bailing him out. It will be throwing good money after bad and do you really want to be with someone who needs bailing out? Think about it.

Just because we like someone doesn't mean we need to stay involved with them, become financially entwined with them, or sacrifice our own security for them.

He did say he would but it wouldn’t cover his bills.

But it wouls cover some of the bills. And he would not have burned through his savings so fast, if he had worked the past year.

Honestly he doesn't sound like a serious businessman. If he had a good viable business plan, he could have gotten a loan. He has contracts 'lined up', what does that mean - potential customers or are they actually signed? Does he realise that signed agreement also does not mean that the full payment or any payment is guaranteed? If setting up the business has been a full time job, is it all 'set up' now, or how is he planning to continue the set up, plus do the work and look for new projects at the same time?

Suggest he finds investors in start up businesses a la Dragon's Den? They will then want a share of business of course presuming they like what he us doing and think it worth while. He should anyway run it past a successful business person and ask them what they think of it.

You just know Op is going to hand over her savings to this user and she will never see them again, and in time he will disappear too. It sounds like he is already beginning to wind down the relationship , he is just hanging on for his payday, courtesy of Op.

It makes you want to weep at how little some women value themselves, that they are willing to do anything to hang onto such unscrupulous bastards.

So he or you don't want to marry each other, hence boyfriend/girlfriend, but want to lend money? Weird set-up. And child support????

Why would you be letting him fail? That is HIS job to ensure he doesn’t fail.
Could it be he has known you would support him ? He should have had an emergency fund put by for this.

Unless you are willing to lose or wait longer for the money, I wouldn’t lend it to him. What if you need money for an emergency?

If the bank doesn't think he's safe to lend to, where they can absorb costs and can recover debt, why should you take on that level of risk with your hard-earned cash??

It’s not a surprise to him that the contracts didn’t come in as expected so why didn’t he get a part time job or claim benefits before it got to crisis point?

This is why people with responsibilities don’t often set up their own businesses even when they have good ideas…

If you give him the money you’ll have to be happy with the fact you’ll never get it back