Do I lend him the money???

[Strawberryshortgirl]

My boyfriend of 2 years is starting up a new business and has contracts lined up to be started in the next month or so. So he should see payment by end of Q3 this year. In the meantime his savings have been used up and he’s basically ran out of money to support himself. We have both been very careful over the past year, knowing he is setting up the new business, to keep his expenses low and haven’t really done much or gone anywhere in order to save money. We don’t live together.

So now comes the hard part, he can’t afford anything at this point, can’t pay his rent or bills or child support. I have some spare savings. He wants to borrow a reasonably large amount of this until the business pays out. AIBU to hand over the cash to him for a few months? I find the entire this confusing as I’ve never lent money like this before.

He should have his living expenses accounted for and child maintenance. Lending a large sum based on 2 years together is not financial sense. A financial agreement needs to be in place through a solicitor. If he does not agree to this he is only thinking of his own needs and not yours and your future financial stability. He can get a small loan to start out. He should be thinking about how to keep a roof over his head independently. You are not there to solve his problems. Start as you mean to go on.

What worries me is that he doesn't come over due to petrol costs.

Is he asking you to come to him instead, so he can see you?

As, it kind of sounds as though he is not very cut up about not seeing you.

A business paying out is the oldest pitfall in the book for lending money.

Since he has children to support, he should have got a job to pay for them. It seems quite a vanity project to start a business when he had no means of supporting his children in the meantime.

On balance, no I would not lend money.

How much are we talking? I can't see the amount on the thread.

You have presumably worked and sacrificed for your savings. Don't squander them on this bloke.

Not a chance. He could get a job alongside his business until it pays out.

If it was the other way round it would be like you asking him for a loan so you can not work and do your hobbies for a while. If it's that great a business plan he can find an actual business investors.

Don't. I'm self employed and I say just don't. Hard as it might be for your relationship. He hasn't fallen on hard times, he's willingly put himself into this position by starting a new business while he has responsibilities, including to his children and that is fundamentally different.

95% of all new start ups fail, going self-employed is a risky as fuck business, especially when you have children you are responsible for, never mind your own living expenses.

if you lend him money you won't see it back. There's a reason the banks won't lend to him.

This is very good!

Child Support is a percentage of income if he lives in the UK so no income would mean no child maintenance.

2 years in is just about the time that you start to see the 'real' him.

Time to find yourself someone who will respect & love you rather than someone who just want's to spend your money otherwise it's all downhill from here.

Have you got proof he is setting up a business? What if it just all lies? He might run once you give him the money.

I’ve also helped with food and small things financially to help him out.Like I said before, we haven’t really been out or done much together due to lack of funds and he hasn’t really wanted me to pay, so we have just stayed in. He also doesn’t come over much anymore due to petrol costs

He's played a good game here hasn't he and you've fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

He hasn't wanted you to pay, but he's happy to ask you for a loan? He doesn't come over much anymore due to petrol costs - do you pay to go to his then?

I suppose he tellsyou he loves you, so that's alright then...

Seriously @Strawberryshortgirl take a good long look at some of the replies on here and give your head a wobble. And raise your bar. You must be living a pretty miserable existence staying in all the time. Has he been encouraging you to save while you've been staying in, I wonder?

How old are you both by the way?

I do get a feeling that if I were to say no that he would think I’m just letting him fail and not supporting him or being there for him in a way a couple should be.

If he says this, then ask him what his Plan B was, if he didn't have a girlfriend or anyone else to lend him money. Did he hold off on deciding to start a business until he DID have a girlfriend who had spare cash? It sounds as though he's only been saving for a year to start up, did he truly not realise how much it was going to cost him - and if he did, who did he think was going to pay? If he didn't, then that doesn't bode well for his ability to budget to actually RUN a business, does it?

You’re not “letting him fail”. He has failed. You need a fair amount of finance to not be employed and build up a business. It’s shit but it’s true. If so early into this business he has miscalculated his incomings and outgoings he likely to fail later anyway and you’ll never get your money back

How did he manage to cover his bills for all the other years of his adult life?

I wonder if he already claims benefits etc but pretending he has no source of income.

OP there’s lots of support out there for small business.
We have a “Help to grow hub” in our city where you get an impartial advisor to review your cash flow forecasts, recommend investors to borrow from and help you get your application together etc.

Has he accessed any of this? As PP’s have said, if he had a viable business plan he would have got a loan: don’t need to show any income yet as obviously start ups have none til they get going!
He can maybe still get one of these contracts are legitimate.
I would not lend the money unless I was confident he’s got a decent plan (and you are prepared to lose your investment).

But as people are saying if he’s not forecast for supporting himself and his child so far it doesn’t look great.

One of my mum friends done it for her ex partner. He borrowed from her £25k to support him and his business. The worst decision of her life. They are not together and he took her for a ride. She deeply regrets that now.

You never lend the money. It never ends well.

He can get a credit card, see a loan shark, get an overdraft from his bank, ask his business contacts to bankroll him, etc. But you should not give away your money - you will never see it again.

His "business" sounds like pie in the sky.

No you shouldn't do that. You're not even married. I would encourage him to work full time, and set up this business part time. When it grows and brings in money. He can reduce to part time hours. When he's warning sufficient money from the new business, then he can give up his job. Don't pay him anything, otherwise you're a fool.

Please don’t .no no no…

Why won't a job cover his bills?

Didn't you ask this a few weeks ago, with the additional detail that he's rubbish at finances and his only proof of security was that he admitted he'd borrowed from an ex in the past and swears he paid her back?

Even if he were willing to provide every scrap of financial detail on his income (and I absolutely bet he isn't!), savings, outgoings, contracts etc, I still wouldn't lend him a bean, because you are absolutely 100% not going to get it back. You will be at the bottom of a very long list of people, most of whom are not going to get their money back from him.

He has no assets, he has no financial nouse whatsoever and no desire to get off his arse and do what he can to bridge the gap between what he needs right now and any eventual 'payday' in terms of contracts being paid.

Can you claim universal credit if you are self employed but have no income? It used to be that you had to have a minimum level of self employed to qualify, basically to stop people saying they are self employed when actually doing f all

No. Do not!

I supported my ex through a rough patch. I had his baby and wanted 6 months off work to recover. Did he support me? No.

Do you think if you don't lend him the money OP (even after all the subsidising him you've already done) that he'll dump you?

Why do you think that almost every poster on here is telling you not to lend the man that you've been subsidising for over a year, any more money?

What do you think we all see in your "hasn't worked for ages, doesn't pay for his kids, lives off you" boyfriend that you're not seeing?

No.
And I would never have asked any boyfriend for money.
Get a loan or 0% credit card.

Do you think in the back of his mind he was expecting to rely on your savings?

I once lent a boyfriend a few thousand and he denied I’d lent it - only you know what you’re willing to lose