Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

Same!

@Sugarandmoresugar10 what exactly did he say in response to your message? I'm asking because he's probably in work and might not be in position to send a long message, so it might not be a definite no, unless of course it was a definite no.

Deleted:posted on wrong thread.

That’s silly, it doesn’t mean women should just sit back and never initiate. My son got his first gf because he was sitting on a train minding his own business when a girl struck up a conversation with him and asked him out. They didn’t last very long but he asked the next girl out himself. Maybe if that doesn’t work out (I hope it does as she’s lovely) he might get asked again. He’s at Uni and he said he gets ‘hit’ on a lot (but he loves his gf so it’s a no).

It’s good that you sent it! You now know it’s not going anywhere, no need to waste time pondering it. I think you did the right thing sending it.

My husband of 23 years tried to dump me in a text after our second date saying could we just be friends. I txt back telling him I'd got enough friends thankyou. 23 tears and 3 kids later here we are. Go for it.

I'm disappointed in him, OP. He clearly doesn't know a good woman when he meets one. Would you really want to be involved with a man who expects you to be telepathic and live your life by unwritten rules? Nah, stuff that.

In the words of Samuel Beckett, try again, fail again, fail better. Good luck, OP, you deserved better.

I was coming on to say don’t text him but I see you already did. Sorry to hear you didn’t get a positive response.

Aw sorry OP, but at least he didn't ghost you or leave things vague. It doesn't sound like there was huge chemistry from the date anyway, so whilst it is disappointing now, better to fizzle out before you had invested more time and energy into dates.

Don't regret texting him, you have done no harm by asking and atleast you know where you stand. No time has been wasted or game playing.

Sorry to hear you are disapointed though. He might genuinely be busy and get in touch at a later date ,and its a cliche saying but the the ball is in his court now. if he wants to arrange he will, I wouldn't text again.

OP, it's absolutely fine to ask a man out, especially as you thought you'd come across a bit unenthusiastic on the date. You now know where you stand. He didn't say no because you asked, he said no because he wasn't rabidly keen (no reflection on you). He may piddle back to you later as it wasnt an outright 'i never want to see you again' but as you say, someone enthusiastic would have said 'sounds lovely! I have something arranged on Weds but are you free on Thurs? '

On these threads sometimes you have some folk insisting that men MUST be the only proactive ones in a relationship or it will not work. They are married so nobody else knows anything. It's not true. Of course there's a balance, you don't want to chase, but asking someone out once is not chasing. The right person will be happy to be asked.

I always think it should never be this difficult at the beginning. My husband was never a game player, and in the beginning, it was just easy. It didn't matter who text who first etc. One of the reasons I knew I was going to marry him. Still together 14 years later and never played these ridiculous games.
He isn't worth it, op.

I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest...

You should probably have trusted your instinct that it didn't feel right.

When I was dating, anyone who I had to put this much thought into (Shall I text them? Do they like me? Why haven't they replied? Are they telling the truth? etc etc) never, ever worked out.

With DP it was so, so easy. He texted, rang, told me he loved me after about 6 weeks (!) and just always stuck to his word, never played games and was just honest and open. He's still exactly the same now.

If it's difficult in the start and you're second guessing and having doubts, it's unlikely to get better.

That is exactly why all the "nooo, don't do that" advice is bollocks and sounds like something out of the 1950s.

Honesty is always the best policy, whether that's being brave enough to suggest another meet or, conversely, admitting when the chemistry just isn't there.

When I started uni I was briefly seeing this guy who was showing interest in me. I was flattered by the attention but didn't real feel it. I wish I'd been more honest, as effectively I was stringing him along for 3 weeks because I sort of felt I 'owed' him for fancying me. I should have just admitted it was a drunken snog and left it there.

On the other hand, absolutely no regrets at all about ringing up my now DH day after we pulled asking him for another date 😂

Yes, that's been my experience — although I'm a lesbian. I've had two long relationships in my life, 11 years and currently 21 years, and both involved straightforward communication from the start.

I now actively avoid game-players in all walks of life including friendships, business and voluntary work. I'm from a low-level game-playing family: we said what we meant, we did what we said we'd do. Anyone who can't communicate or participate openly and honestly and positively is politely phased out of my life. Game-players seek to undermine other people.

Honestly you did nothing wrong by texting. If he was really enthusiastic he would have been happy about it and arranged a time with you. Your texting him won't have made the difference. I do know how disappointing it is from years and years of dating. I got to a point where the minute something didn't feel right or the guy showed that he wasn't that interested, I would delete his number and all correspondence with him. It helped me move on and gave me a tiny bit of control back.

What did he actually say?

It was just very vague like 'oh yeah sure but I'll have to let you know when I can'- no suggestion of an alternative. An easy let down essentially.

No sane person who is interested in someone else is going to turn down a date because, er, they were asked on a date too quickly or not according to some bullshit, made up rules.

He just wasn't interested, and at least now OP knows.

Good that you know but these threads ALWAYS end the same way. If a guy is interested you will know. If you are confused he's not interested. If they like you, they are booking the next date. There are differences in how men and women behave and this is one of them. Sure it works out for some but in general if you have to ask its a no.

Why rush to learn the bad news when you can wait for the good news to make their way to you?

Where on earth are you getting this rubbish from?

I'm a man, I and when dating I always appreciated honesty. If I heard a no from a woman, then I took that as a no, I certainly wouldn't be chasing after them. Why would I want to date someone who has expressed that they are uninterested.

DP was the only woman who ever messaged me first after we first met, and it was such a confidence boost to know she was definitely interested. Oddly enough that's the relationship that stuck.

Don't play games, they waste everyone's time. If you like him, text him.

Men find women initiating things really attractive, so it definitely wouldn’t have been because you texted him.

After the teenage years you don’t have to worry about not texting first or waiting a certain amount of time to reply etc.

You wanted to see him again, so let him know.
Just like any other adult who is emotionally ready for a relationship/dating would do.

It’s a shame that he doesn’t seem that keen but if you hadn’t sent the text then you wouldn’t know.

Its better to find out and move on, then waste your time hoping he’ll text you and tell you how he feels.

This thread is so weird.
Like women are remembering the daft articles they read in teen magazines when they were at school and interacting with men according to made up rules.
Well done OP, now you have time to find someone you definitely fancy, who definitely fancies you back.