Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

Go for it. Suggest you go to see a picture together. If you make it a casual question and if the response is enthusiastic take it from there.

Life is too short to play stupid gender based games.

Edit sorry guilty of NRTFT.

I think it's interesting that the posters that disagree with the fact that a woman being too eager puts a man off - are missing the fact that the OP didn't fancy this guy initially, but now he's playing it cool she wants him! The guy in this OP has proven that acting a little disinterested can heighten the interest of someone that was ambivalent. He has done it, on the OP! Yes I do think you should have acted a little cool yourself, and it might instead have been his interest in you that was increased.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 This line you wrote struck me:
I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him

It is highly likely he feels the same. I wouldn't prompt him today, I think its too soon. Let it rest a few days and think about it again.

💯

Nobody realises that if the woman texts first, she s doing all the emotional labour instead of the guy?

Do women really need more of these situations?

That is such a generalisation. What's the emotional labour in showing interest to someone you fancy? It's meant to be fun and flirty.

seeing as you texted the last text… I personally would leave it a week to see if he comes back. If men are interested they do tend to seek you out…. This is based on personal experience.

Reading this thread is so depressing. Dating seems like hell, I think I’ll be single forever!

@Sugarandmoresugar10 If it was have meant to have been- it would have been.
Dating as others say sounds like utter purgatory.
All the games...eugh! who has time for it..

FAR better to be single and free from such bullshite.

He wasn't interested because of your ...[insert anything random about you]. Not because of your text. Your text merely sped up time as he didn't know how to signal no and was putting it off.

It's not strange to go on potentially hundreds of dates and it not 'click' for one or both people. Often, due to wanting it to work and self-doubt, the non-committal dance can go on for a few months.

Phew you know the truth and are free!

If you have to text first (or in your case double-text), he's not interested. If you're confused, he's not interested. His silence was his answer.

People saying text, either don't understand modern dating, or are in the absolute minute percentage where it worked out for them (...he was probably going to text anyway, they just beat him to it).

Ps you can still be a feminist, and know that logically it shouldn't matter, but also know that the above is true.

It's not incompatible with being a feminist to also know that if men are interested in seeing you again they'll soon let you know.

No, but it is incompatible to think you shouldn’t text as the man will let you know if he’s interested,

In my head, he maybe thought I wasn't interested and therefore wouldn't have texted me because he assumed I wasn't.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 chalk it up to experience. I'm sorry you had to listen to the "text him" brigade.

I was in the camp of "don't text him, if he's interested he will". We see it again and again on these threads. Nothing bad in someone not being interested in you (rejection always hurts but it's part of life)

If a similar scenario happens, move on. A good and interested man will make sure to book a further date. It's really THAT easy

And that’s perfectly fine to text him.

Rejection is normal, you just have to mentally dust him off and try again.

If he didn't want to see you again because you were "Too nice" you've had a lucky escape.
What do you think you should have done? Said "Don't think I'm buying you a drink fucker" and slapped him round the head in order to get another date?
Stop worrying about whether you should change yourself, you sound lovely, you took a chance it didn't work out.
Of course women can contact first good grief it's not 1800s.
Any man that prefers "the thrill of the chase" is downright dodgy imo.

Try taking the debate out of your head. When you start to think about it just say, out loud, “over, done, finished”—try walking, running, or just tapping your hand while you say it to break the cycle of rumination.

Erm, WHY? I don't think her texting him changed the outcome (and if it did she's better off without him). It just meant she had some idea of where she stands sooner.

@curliegirlie because his silence was a loud and clear no

Ha, I always remember when I first phoned DH after our drunken night. Reception was poor (landline to mobile circa 2001) and for a second I thought he was ghosting me 😂. He wasn't and we arranged a pub meet. And the rest is history!

But at least she has some kind of definite answer now.

@curliegirlie for me personally silence would have been a definitive answer. I did extensive online dating a few years ago (and yes I know OP wasn't OLD) and any silence was always a sign of lack of interest (I assume as I never messaged). As I said many times I had a strategy based on a few pillars

• no meeting within a few days - unmatch
• date 3-4 men at a time (no sex; no kisses). So if one disappeared I barely noticed
• delete their messages as soon as I received them and don't save their number - so even if I had a moment of weakness and wanted to message them I would have been unable to as I didn't have their numbers

And no it's not 1800 and I'm actually a very very successful professional at work, but it's been a real eye opener and I met the most amazing man by doing this (there were a couple that really stood out): so for me, it worked!

Definitely gonna delete their numbers in the future!

Send him a text asking if he's interested in seeing any of the films you were discussing together. If he doesn't reply, you can forget about it and move on. Why should a guy always have to make the move? Some guys today are terrified about doing or saying the wrong thing. Anyways, a simple text on your part hardly makes you Baby Reindeer...