Should I send this text? Or is it desperate?

[Sugarandmoresugar10]

I had a first date with someone yesterday after work, it's someone I've already met as a friend of a friend, and we've always got on very well/I felt chemistry.
The date was about 2 hours, a drink and very quick bite to eat. Conversation flowed super well, we had a good laugh. I wasn't sure if I felt attracted to him if I'm honest, but I have felt that attraction previously so I'm willing to give it a try.

So he made comments about wanting to do it again, I agreed, and I sent a casual, good to see you, hope you got back ok. The convo naturally ended .

Wondering if I should hint at meeting him again? There are a ton of films coming out that we were both talking about that are out this month.
Should I text something like 'It'd be cool to see one of those films we talked about soon'

So to imply I want to see him, but it still lets him arrange details?
Or is that chasing/desperate?
I'm pretty paranoid now tbh, but I'm also paranoid that he got a vibe I didn't find him that attractive, even if I do like him.

This.

If you have to play games to 'catch' someone, you will catch a game player. That's not good.

If you want someone honest and straightforward, be honest and straightforward.

Exactly.
If he's not keen, and that puts him off, he's not right for you.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 Good luck.

If you want to see him again why not just invite him out.
No need for hints and games.

Oh OP I want to share my story in the hope it might help you.

I met someone online and we went on date #1, I wasn't too sure after it but he was so nice to me afterwards (via messages) that I decided to give it a go and continue talking to him. Then I felt he went a bit cold. We met for date #2, lots of chatting, we spoke for two hours, I really grew to like him between dates #1 and #2 and even more so after the second meet up because I thought he was so nice, funny etc. He would message me every day but would only send two messages a day. We went on date #3 (fair gaps between all three dates), all went great, he said how we could meet more often yet was still only sending about two messages a day afterwards. Was distant that week after the third date and no mention of meeting up again. There was no progress. I needed either more frequent communication or more frequent dates as everything felt so dragged out and honestly, I still had no idea how he felt. As much as I liked him, I decided not to speak to him anymore due to this constant hot and cold.

When I met my now DH, he was so clear and constant with his communication from the get go.
He also asked us to become official early on.

I would still want to know what the first person thought and if he was playing games 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's like he wasn't bothered to progress but was keen to keep on chatting and not lose contact. When I said I didn't want talk anymore, he said he really liked talking to me.

This. Good advice.

Anyone who loses interest in you because you honestly and directly communicate your intentions and needs is not someone worth having in your life!

So text him. It's win-win.

If he responds well, win.
If he isn't keen - you can move on. That applies whether it's because he's just not that into you to begin with, and even more so if he loses interest because you texted him - see above.

Not wasting time on someone is a win too. Hence, win-win.

Moral of the story - the right person won't want to play games.
My now DH messaged after first day saying we could meet up again and I said sure and we already had another date lined up.
Playing games is stupid.

I followed "the rules" when I was dating my now husband and he confessed some time later that he nearly gave up because he just assumed I wasn't interested!

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No. Dont send the text. Leave it up to him.

Exactly!

It comes from a time when women weren’t allowed to show attention to men and it was only the man who was allowed to approach the woman.

Unfortunately, this still happens in some countries/cultures today.

Thankfully, most men aren’t as misogynistic as they were a few years ago and many see women as much more equal.

It always shocks me how many women posters have ingrained misogynistic views in this day and age.

If a man felt that it was wrong for the woman to text first or for her to show/say that she likes him - then that is not a man you want to be with because he already sees you as beneath him, which would carry on the entire relationship.

No emotionally stable adult man or woman would be interested in someone who plays silly games.

Play silly games, win silly prizes.

I asked my husband to marry me nearly 35 years ago, I'd have been stuffed following dating rules 😁if you like him send the bloody text.

If I’d come to this thread earlier I would have said not to text him. Not because I think women shouldn’t text men or make the first (or second or whatever) move but because I don’t think you were particularly attracted to him. I think texting / trying to arrange another date was more likely about validating yourself by whether he likes you. It should be about whether you like him! No harm done but I think it’s worth reflecting on that possibility.

Oh and I’m 45. For the record 😊

@CorpusInterruptus I posted the same thing way back at the beginning of the thread. OP said she didn't find him attractive so why bother?

Oh I missed that, sorry! But yes, I remember feeling like this at times - focused on whether someone liked me (even with female potential friends) rather than what I thought of them. I think women are particularly prone to this and it’s about their own identity and esteem vs the person they’re projecting it onto. That person is used as a mirror to reflect back ‘am I worthy?’

Nice is good and don't let anyone tell you overwise.
You moved it on and now you know. It's miles better than waiting for weeks wondering if he will text you. There is no way he became vague on you because you suggested a film. If you have feelings they don't suddenly change because someone text you before you text them.

Stop worrying about how you come across!

You won't find somebody who is a good match for you if the only thing you're overthinking about is "How can I make him like me/not put him off." A much better thing to be thinking about is "are we a good match?" and specifically "Is he good enough for my high standards?"

If he'd have been into you he would have been delighted that you asked. He wasn't, which is a shame, but now you know and you won't waste any more time overthinking about it.

@Sugarandmoresugar10 listen to this advice - multi date! I had 3-4 on the go (no sex), so if one disappeared I had 3 more to think of. Very successfully I am with an incredible man who loves me so so much so all good

Well it's best you don't waste any more time if he's not interested so don't regret it.

You'll not scare off someone who can't wait to see you again with one simple text.

Engaging in game playing just means dragging out something that isn't going anywhere. If they want the thrill of the chase they'll dump you once they get to the end goal and by that time you'll be more involved.

Onwards and upwards.

Dosent anyone phone anymore?
Just phone and you'll get an instant answer and there will be no waiting.

@PassingStranger you missed many posts from OP. He's not interested so time to move to next one ...

This.

I ticked YABU as YABU to be dithering. If you want to go to a film with him, ask him. If if fucks things up then they were really tenuous anyway.

If he wants to see you and is genuine, he'll say yes. If he doesn't, then it wasn't meant to be, and better to know sooner rather than later,

Oh, what?! I thought this was only a page long! Back to read the OP's posts now, doh!!

Well done for sending the text. At least now you know and you're not still wondering if you should or not. There's nothing wrong with a woman doing the chasing. I had to completely throw myself at my DH to get him to notice me. He was so clueless I had to be obvious to the point of all his friends telling him I clearly liked him because he was never going to realise by himself. Yes it was undignified, but I didn't care because I knew what I wanted so I went for it and I got it. We've been married over twenty years and have two kids together. Personally I wouldn't want a man who subscribed to all these ridiculous stereotypes anyway so if he was going to be put off by my forwardness I would have been put off by his reaction.

If he's not interested because you are doing the chasing then he isn't interested full stop. I would actually send something more direct tbh - Do you fancy going to see X film it's on next week at X if you're up for it?

How old are you?