To be jealous of people having babies outside of a COVID world

[Shaveacave]

My daughter was born literally the day we went into lockdown, 23rd March 2020. Not one person held her other than DH or me until she was nearly 10 weeks old. DH was a key worker so worked throughout so from 2 weeks on DD and I sat at home all day, every day. I had a very difficult birth resulting in an emergency cesarean which seemed to take forever to heal and I wasn't well enough to even get out for our allocated one hour walk a day until DD was 6 weeks old. There was only one 'group' I could eventually attend which was an outside only walk together in a park but everything I had hoped to do; baby massage, baby sign, stay and play, not one of them existed.
We had 3 lockdowns that year, when the third one was announced I sobbed and arranged to go back to work 2 months ahead of schedule because I couldn't cope anymore.

We're obviously fine now. DD is a wonderful, funny, bright 4 year old and I love her more than anything. But I was the first of my friends to have a baby and a few have started their families now and most recently my sister-in-law just had her first baby. And I feel like I'm seething with jealousy at the experience they all get to have that I didn't. My in-laws are going to stay with sister-in-law as her husband is going back to work tomorrow so she won't have to be alone. I couldn't leave my bed the first day on my own and I just sobbed all day. I remember the next day my husband planting food all over the house for me to make sure wherever I found myself I ate something because I literally didn't eat that first day until he got home; the idea of having my Mum there with me to help those first few days on my own would have meant the world to me. And I just feel so sad about it. I work full time, I was always going to go back to work full time, we can't afford for me not to. And now it's just 4 months until DD is in school anyway so that's it, these early years are pretty much behind me and I'm suddenly feeling very sad about it.

I don't really have an AIBU, just ranting I suppose!
I'm so happy for all my friends, I'm beyond thrilled to be an Auntie for the first time!! Truly I am and I don't wish any of them anything but wonderful things. But I just feel a bit sad for me and DD tonight.

I was a first time mum in a 2020 lockdown (in a one bed flat) and had my second baby 12 days ago.

I definitely understand your feelings as I hadn't quite appreciated how hard it was the first time round until I had this baby! This pregnancy and post partum all feels like a doddle and not only because I know what I’m doing. Last week alone we had three midwife visits (compared to none as a first time parent!) and friends have brought round curries and pastries all week. I feel so supported and relaxed while last time I felt isolated and permanently a bit frightened. In fact, the support we’ve had this time feels a little over the top just because of the stark contrast!

All the midwives acted like I had the plague when I attended my scheduled antenatal appointments in 2020 (they were palpably annoyed and borderline hostile to see people in person) and it was generally a scary time for everyone. It took me ages to recover from a section too as I had to lift up my baby straight after surgery since my partner wasn’t allowed on the ward and none of the staff had capacity to help.

I remember friends calling to complain and vent about the lockdowns rather than support me as a new mum. I don’t even blame them as the news was awful and everyone was anxious all the time! I think everyone largely forgot about new parents amidst their own suffering and it was so hard for anyone to be mentally healthy at such a time. Others are right that we weren’t the most hard done by people at this time, but this doesn’t diminish what we went through. Plus it doesn’t better our situation to think how others had it worse! I definitely feel for you. We really were short changed at a vulnerable point in life.

On the plus side, I loved having my partner work from home at this time (I recognise everyone’s not lucky enough to have this) and feel he’s an exceptionally involved and well bonded dad as a result. We figured out everything together and we have a lovely family dynamic now. I don’t have a close knit family who’d drop everything to help so in this respect I consider myself very lucky to have had my first at that weird moment of history.

I didn’t have a lockdown baby, but my closest friend did. It was her first too. Baby was months old when I first had a cuddle. I’d go every day and talk to her from the end of her path. Her family don’t live in our city so she was similarly isolated. I really felt for her.

I know she longs to have a more “normal’ experience. And (even though I am a tremendously antisocial person), I fully recognise how challenging having a baby in lockdown was, especially a first. Not just the support and social aspects being wildly different at best, utterly non-existent at worst. But also the genuine fear for your newborn baby’s health but honestly - none of us knew what on earth was going to happen.

It’s crap, you’re right. Try not to
dwell on it though as it won’t do you or those around you any good. Xx

I think it's anyone with kids. They all missed a stage in life. DS was 7 and had his clubs cancelled some of which have never returned the same. I openly opposed lockdown, work through it and still feel we were cheated out of a chunk of our kids childhood for no reason.

I have mixed feelings about my lockdown baby (april2020). I am one and done so will never know the difference but I had pros and cons.
I never am particularly social so wouldn't have attended baby classes so didn't miss that.
After a 20+ hour labour and emergency c section it would have been nice to have partner there for more that 20 mins. I was handed a baby and left to it (not bashing the HCPs were lovely, just a bit distant).
Didn't get support with breast feeding apart from a lovely midwife a couple days after birth actually showing me techniques ad opposed to attempting to shove my boob in my sons mouth (that was at the hospital).
I went back to work after 7 weeks and my partner was a SAHD because realistically I couldn't cope very well. Don't know if that was lockdown or just me being a bit useless.
But it was nice having no random visitors or any expectations the first few months. Scary times back then. There wasn't much support in place but when you did get it it seemed like the professionals were genuinely trying to help just hugely overstretched.

I’m so sorry for you and all the mums who had to go through this. Our dd was born at the end of covid - things were open and happening again but hospitals were still strict - no visitors and DH was testing positive until the day before labour so nearly wasn’t allowed at the birth. Baby massage etc was all still online but there was a local baby group open. I found becoming a new mum tough enough, even more so with the last of covid restrictions, I can’t imagine how I’d have ever coped having a baby in peak covid.

You’re so strong to have managed it, I know for sure I wouldn’t have. And your wonderful daughter is a testimony of your strength and what a wonderful mum you’ve become despite everything that happened - never forget that!

OP - I understand. I had a baby (my last and husband's first) in May 2020. It was a planned homebirth which was wonderful, but the time after that was hard. I also a 10 and 13 yo I needed to support re homeschooling.