To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

Really sounds like a fuss about nothing. I would never dream of disturbing my partner for something so trivial.... you just push on until the next day.

I am really sorry to hear your experience. It is shitty behaviour on his behalf. When someone is unwell you expect compassion and care. It says a lot about him if he cannot show kindness in these situations. It will definitely be a red flag for me. Moving forward, this is how he is going behave when you are ill/need help in the future- don’t expect more. So, make your decision now whether you want to build a future with him or not.

I reckon she’ll be fine with him as long as she stockpiles some Lemsip…

This, 100%.

I think YABU to demand a random 'flu relief drink' aka a placebo not a medicine in the middle of the night. Paracetemol will bring the fever down, if you weren't ill enough for that (assuming no allergy to it) then yes it's unreasonable to expect the guy to go out for a second time looking for what you fancy. If you were asking for paracetamol, antibiotics, or other urgently needed medicine I would take a different view. But this was not a medicine, it was the middle of the night before a presumably important work meeting, and frankly if you'd been ill for a while and you knew there was something you like to take when you're ill, you should have brought it. No way is this a red flag. More of a red flag for him if anything.

@hydriotaphia flu relief drinks are medication! They contain paracetamol. But by adding lemon, a fancy sachet and turning it into a drink the price people are willing to pay goes through the roof. And apparently for some people, a basic paracetamol tablet doesn’t work 🤣

@DoYouSmokePaul

He had an attitude the whole time like she was inconveniencing him by being ill.

However OP didn't say that. By that point they had had a discussion and he'd been out and back to the shop for her, they'd had another discussion and he'd Googled then tried the phone found it wasn't working so knew he had to go down to Reception. Then OP said he was "mean". Although I don't think 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' is overly unreasonable given the circumstances maybe a bit blunt. I expect he was tired and wanted to go to sleep as they had an early start.

I'm not too sure about OP's timings either. She woke at 10.45 and they spoke/he went out to the shop (presumably spent some time in there looking or asking for Lemsip)/came back had discussion/OP tried to go back to sleep/they spoke again and he Googled/had another discussion/he tried phone and it wasn't even 11pm at this point. They certainly packed a lot in in under 15 minutes. So I also wouldn't be too sure about another shop being only 5 minutes away.

She had a bad cold, not the plague, and it wouldn't have suddenly come on with no warning. In these circumstances, at this time of night, I'd not be feeling the milk of human kindness towards my OH especially if he was insisting on a flu relief hot drink (exactly the same as paracetamol but more expensive) late at night in a foreign country where it may not be available and would definitely communicate that to him

Did you read a different OP? No, he didn't call reception, he actually went down and got her medicine there. Which the poster refused to take because someone might have touched it! And this was after he had already gone to the local shop for her.

A stranger giving you an unwrapped random pill is dangerous!

Would you really take such a pill? You are very gullible if yes.

I imagine OP exaggerated this part, I'd be very surprised if hotel staff gave her DP a random unwrapped, unlabelled pill...

Maybe next time you travel take a first aid kit with paracetamol, Lemsip, etc with you. Always useful in these situations OP.

I think you were probably being a bit ott.

Going out for a flu drink after hours in a foreign country doesnt seem necessary.

There’s something about your post that does come across as demanding but who knows i wasnt there. Only mentioning as you’ve come for advice and it may/ may not be something you want to reflect on.

Having said all of that, the main point is no I dont think it bodes well. First time you’ve been like that and he doesnt go out of his way to help when you’ve only been together 18 months doesnt sound good. Especially the getting angry. Thats not ok and that would be enough to seriously reconsider the relationship.

Echo what pp said about imagine if you had kids. Something to seriously factor in.

Additionally, if you are a bit ott and demanding when ill (not saying that to be snide as i can definitely be too!) its not a good dynamic. You need someone with much more patience, otherwise you’ll just get this on repeat

I agree with this actually. You had him run ragged! He went to the shop, and he asked you how you were feeling the day after. What do you actually want from him?!

You should always carry basic first aid supplies like painkillers with you. Paracetamol and a hot drink from your room will have had the same effect as cold/flu drinks that you were sending him out for.

I know it's rubbish when you're not well, but I really don't know what he could have done differently here.

This is why I always take a little bag with basic medications whenever I go away - paracetamol, ibuprofen, soluble codeine, immodium, decongestants and antihistamines. Few plasters, few blister patches, little tube of germolene. Job's a good'un.

I've got the kind of husband who would drag himself out of bed in the middle of the night if I had a cold and come back with lemsip and chicken soup, but I would never want him to have to do so, nor expect him to.

I think you're both cranky and had an unexpected late night. He made an effort and tried to help, you still feel ill, you've maybe both been a bit grumpy with each other. Let it go, be better prepared next time you travel. I really don't think this is worth making a big deal over.

nothing cures a cold an lemsip is just paractemol not a miraulous magic potion-you said you didnt feel like eating but moan about him going out to eat

jesus christ youre hard work

My husband has been very ill with cold and flu symptoms recently to the point of needing to call an ambulance due to difficulty breathing.

if you’re feeling like he did then YANBU

however, I always take a bit of every medication just in case

You sound like the sort of person who calls a cold the flu.
Lemsip is not the sort of thing that requires an emergency night time dash to the pharmacy.

Interest know how that came up and how the conversation went to be honest.

What a load of fuss ‘only lemsip helps’. It has paracetamol I’d have took that which I’d already have with me. I’m chronically sick and wouldn’t get my DH out at 11pm at home never mind abroad. I bet he’s having second thoughts I would be……

He got the tablet from hotel reception. I can't imagine the hotel staff are giving out random pills to their guests.

Here we go, it’s another “let’s pile on the OP” type post. Why do people enjoy doing this to posters who are clearly in a vulnerable state? You nasty lot!!

No, I don’t think YABU. When you’re ill and feverish it’s hard to think straight. Just maybe next time remember your medicine

Five mins in a car I’d have gone. Me and my partner do these things for each other because we are a team and when one is down the other one puts a bit more effort in.

Id do the same for my child, my friend, anyone really.

5 mins in a car at 11pm is hardly an artic expedition.

I do think it shows a lack of empathy that he didn’t even offer and then he’s buggered off to dinner without you when you’re still unwell.
Then conveniently his foot is hurting.

he sounds like a big baby, I’d be seriously watching out for other red flags. If his track record has been perfect so far then maybe just a one off bad mood - but there is a real issue with men not being able to cope when their partners are unwell so it is NOT uncommon. It’s a massive gripe of a lot of women.

🙄

This!
I have woken up at home in the middle of the night with a temperature and blocked nose and cold swears.
I didn't even ask DH to go downstairs to the kitchen and make a lensing....I know he would have but I wouldjust wait till morning.

But convenient to find anything that OP objects to as ‘exaggerated’.