To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

Do you suffer from anxiety OP? I know someone who has quite bad health anxiety and basically has a panic attack whenever cold symptoms start as she feels like she can't breathe, and funnily enough, the only thing that helps her is the hot drink version of meds.

My boyfriend once tried to get my sympathy over a cold, let's say that it didn't work.
I wouldn't do a quarter of what your partner did OP. Not for a grown up with a runny nose.

Reminds me of my daughter telling me about a riot in class last week, as a boy wanted to see the nurse immediately due to being hit on the hand by a ruler. I thought she was joking about how terrible it was.

Feels like this.

This was a cold.

It's only a cold for god sake most people pop a pill and carry on working with a cold. You can't compare it with real illness and if she makes that much fuss everyone should run a mile

"It's the only thing that actually works for me.

...Made myself some hot tea and dozed off."

You're contradicting yourself here.

I think he did fine. He went to the store and couldn't find the EXACT thing which you wanted and didn't want to go off looking for something specific at bedtime, when you could have just had hot tea and dozed off.

That's not a cold which has been offered adequate tablets though

You sound hard work, take a couple of paracetamol (that’s basically what lemsip is just a quarter of the price!) and get some sleep.

he sounds like a big baby

Really,

And what exactly does someone who tries really hard to sleep for 15 minutes but can't , then complains, refuses medication because it isn't in drink form, but is miraculously soothed by a cup of tea sound like. I am reminded of my children when they were given stuff that wasn't the nice purple calpol for under 6's that always made them better and then felt much better when the ice cream van appeared

You had from 630am onwards to get yourself whatever medication you needed but waited till bed time to ask him to go out?

How many times would you get up and go out for someone when you already gave them the only cure all be it a different brand, you had pain yourself, you were on a work trip that required you to be fit to work in the morning even if a different time zone and you had already offered food, called and knew the other half had a phone and everything at disposal of recycling on service?

Vulnerable how? Because she's got a bit of a cold.

Moral of the story, don't post on AIBU if you don't want to hear the responses

Bit of a difference between a cold and long term illness or broken leg isn’t there really?!?! I really don’t think you can make a comparison there.

Honestly if my husband has a cold he just gets on with it, same as I do, we have no expectations of the other going out at 11pm to find a bloody lemsip and neither of us would ask for that 🙄

If either of us has a genuine illness then we will do absolutely anything for each other regardless of time of day, location, etc.

I think OP is prone to exaggeration after this thread

Op had a cold we all carry on with colds....if boyfriend had been on holiday he probably would have been waiting for her to wake up but as he was working he probably had to think about explaining to his boss that after the company paying the expense of his flight and hotel he couldn't get to work because his girlfriend had the sniffles and doesn't like paracetamol.....and here's your P45 mate.

Are these drinks not just another form of paracetamol anyway?

Yes. There are regular cases of paracetamol poisoning where people take a Lemsip, a Day/Night Nurse capsule, and a separate paracetamol tablet, and repeat that every 3 hours. The safe limit of paracetamol for an adult is 4000 mg, and you will hit that with 4 Lemsips and 4 Day Nurses.

You would get out of bed at 11pm and drive around looking for a late night / emergency pharmacy for COLD AND FLU MEDICATION?! Jesus Christ Almighty. You do know you can't die from a cold right?

Maybe me and DP are just hardcore but when we have a cold, we take some paracetamol before bed, have a hot drink and then just manage through the night feeling shit. Never in a million years would I request he gets out of bed and finds a chemist for me!!!

I'm hoping the boyfriend sees sense and says goodbye at the airport making a mental note to avoid anyone who never gets ill because the slightest stubbed toe is going to need extreme nursing.

A random unwrapped pill is not adequate, it’s bloody dangerous!

The fact you are claiming that you were ‘delusional’ from your fever is all I need to convince me that you are a massive drama queen. If you’d had a fever that bad you wouldn’t have been sitting up Googling pharmacies and turning your nose at a paracetamol tablet because someone might have touched it. You’d have been barely conscious in an ambulance.

You’ve got a cold. That is all. You do not need to send someone out for you in the middle of the night in an unfamiliar country to search for a special ‘flu drink’ that is ‘the only thing that works for you’. You’d only been in bed for 15 minutes; you’d barely tried to sleep! Stop being such a princess and get a grip.

Weirdly that’s made my day, your husband sounds great 😊

This. I have had two (pretty bad) miscarriages and during both, DP stayed awake with me all night, got me hot water bottles and painkillers and one of the times had to go to the local petrol station in the middle of the night for sanitary pads as I had run out.

When I had a cold a couple of months ago, he made me a hot drink before bed, gave me some paracetamol and then rolled over and tried to sleep whilst I was snivelling and coughing next to him! He is the most caring and loving partner you could imagine but it is a COLD. He also - shock horror - went to work the next day AND LEFT ME ALL ALONE!

Some of the posters on here seriously give women (and the human race!) a bad name.

You sound pretty high maintenance and it's very odd how two working professionals can travel to another country without bringing basic medication along?! Do you never expect to get a headache or catch a cold while on holiday?

The active ingredient in all cold and flu medicines are the same (either paracetamol or ibuprofen). The decongestant added to some remedies has been proven to be virtually ineffective. If you feel you can only get better due to the placebo effect from one specific brand, and don't take that with you on holiday, then your BF was not unreasonable to be annoyed.

There is absolutely no medical evidence of OTC meds with the same active ingredient working differently.

Isn't it delirium / delirious rather than delusional?

But yeah. Always travel with a pack of paracetamol.

Vulnerable 😂

when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything

is he meant to be a mind reader?!