To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

My partner walked for over half an hour to get me medicine, and then walked back. He didn’t drive at the time and bus service was unreliable. We had been together for 10 years then.

About 2 years into our relationship he got really ill while we were in a foreign country. Not life threatening but very unpleasant. This was in the days of Nokia so I had to ask for directions from people and try to follow them. It took me an hour but I managed to find a pharmacy and they got a doctor to come to him.

Neither of us was annoyed, just concerned about getting the other fixed.

This man is not your people.

Except she said she didn't want dinner... She's a fully grown adult (apparently) with a cold. It's embarrassing that you agree she's in the right tbh.

whoever is right or wrong, its obvious that you don't belong together, I would suggest that you stop wasting each other's time.

Its about goodness of fit. You might be a bit high maintenance, but to paraphrase Chandler Bing, that's fine if you have a partner who likes maintaining you.

You have a cold.

YANBU we went to visit DPs family and friends. First night he went out with the lads and the next day we were visiting his family.
He came back to the hotel after his night out to find me ill, went straight back out for meds and took me home the next day to the doctors. Not the slightest whiff of a complaint. He's honestly better at being the caring one than I am. And it's that behaviour that makes me trust that he'll look after me when I have his baby.

My ex did not look after me when I was ill, he also didn't look after me when I had his baby nor did he look after his baby. I believe they're connected.

You deserve someone who will look after you a little when you’re ill

He did despite being in pain, and probably tired, himself

when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything

If my husband asked me if I wanted anything after I said I didn’t feel like it, I’d be frustrated that he wasn’t listening to me, and was clucking.

He went to the local chemist AND the hotel reception at 10.45pm but only returned with a tablet and you prefer a drinky lemsip, and you think he should have gone out in the car to see if another chemist have the kind of medicine you like better?

He only texted you once a day to see if you felt OK, and you think he should have texted you x amount more times than that?

He asked you what you wanted for dinner and you said nothing, so he sorted his own dinner out, and this was a problem because...I give up, at this point, I'm lost

He sounds perfectly nice OP. Have you had bad experiences with men in the past?

What have i just read?
You wanted him to get out of bed and go and get you lemsip?
Just take a paracetamol

Some people on here are so horrible, I’m glad they are not my partner. When my DH is ill or in need, I will do whatever to help him. Because I love him a d he would do the same for me. I can’t imagine not doing this for someone I care about. Height of selfishness.

I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to call an ambulance for a runny nose.

It's a cold

YABVU I can’t belive some people are acting like your behaviour was normal and justified. Even if I was at home i would never ask DH to get out of bed/ his evening wind down at 11pm at night to go find somewhere open selling lemsip or equivalent! I would be massively appreciative that he had already made one trip down/out for you already!

And then to communicate “you didn’t feel like having dinner” but expect him to know you actually did want something but it brought back to you is just mad, he can’t mind read.

He also checked in on you during the day but your spin is to be negative and critical that he didn’t check more??!!

This all seems very imature and high maintenance and in my book gives red flags about you not him.

YABU.
Sounds like you had a cold. You need to get abit more resilient.
i wouldn’t have expected my boyfriend to drive around at 11pm when he had to be up for work at 6:30. If I felt as unwell as you claim you were I would have accepted the paracetamol.

Next time you go away take medication with you . Lesson learned .

Why not take paracetamol and ibuprofen? Or get lemon and honey from reception? I don't see why it had to be this lemsip type thing.
And surely it couldn't have become so grave in the space of 15mins? I think he did his best in the circumstances. If it was a more serious illness that warranted more specific or stronger medication, then I'd say he should have gone to the pharmacy, but not really for the remedy you were seeking. Also, he had a sore foot, which might explain why he didn't want to go.
I hope you can see it's difficult sometimes to deal with other people's illness.

You sound a bit needy. If you have such specific requirements when you get ill you should buy medication and take it with you just in case.

You may have been in a commonwealth country but this is irrelevant. Paracetamol containing products can actually be quite difficult to get in some countries and lemsip particularly is quite a British thing.

I am another who is astounded that anyone travels without a small supply of first aid including paracetamol!? And also if you were already unwell in the day and you know "only lemsip works for you (!?)" why didn't you go and get some earlier so you could take some before bed?

You are 30 years old and he is not your parent?

Having a fever does make you delusional??

in Tokyo with my ex-husband he went to an internet cafe, got a translation for medication and went to 4 pharmacy’s and bought a bunch of stuff to try to help me when I was ill. I’m pretty sure current DP would do similar. I don’t think you princessey. This is what you can expect as others have said imagine you’re struggling with a wee baby. I’d ditch him

I totally agree
Even if Op was being a pain in the arse, the fact is they have only been together for 18 months .This is supposed to be the honeymoon period

I have been with dh for many years and he would drive miles if it meant that I was comfortable for the night , despite him having a demanding career.

Sorry OP - I know you’re feeling sick and wiped out but I think you’re in the wrong here. It’s a cold, but from the way you’ve reacted you’d think you had severe food poisoning or a hospital visit.

It’s silly and unreasonable to expect someone to get up out of bed to go looking for Lemsip. By your own admission you had a hot cup of tea and went to sleep so you weren’t that bad. At most you could have asked him to get up and make the tea or to soak a hot cloth for you to put over your face. It just sounds like you don’t get sick often and when you do you’re a misery.

Why didn’t you (or your partner) just ask for some lemon and honey downstairs at reception, and drink it with hot water? That and some sleep would have tided you over until morning.

Yeah but OP wasn't delusional. Deluded maybe....

But there was no mental load on his part. He didn't suggest calling down to reception offer to make a tea any form of support take took brain space.

For me, it's a big red flag. In life there are going to be situations were you won't get to have your routine, lost sleep, extra work load because your part of a team/ family.