To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

Op, I actually think that Lemsip Gate is a red herring.
I think that you don’t feel that this man truly loves you .

All of this. Unless you're about to give us a massive drip feed, you're the unreasonable one here.

Why did he say it was "really good" you were never ill? That's a separate point but a bit concerning. Did he say it like "it's great, you're not ill!" (I'm pleased for you) or "it's great your not ill" (I like low maintenance because I'm low effort).

He brought back a tablet, tablets don’t work for you so you had some tea and went to sleep? I’m sorry but I think you sound hard work.

In this situation I think he done what he could and to be fair you did get back to sleep being ill does suck but it was late at night and their wasn't much to be done and as for the food you did say you didn't want to go so he probably thought that you wouldn't want something bringing back

My dh wouldn't think to bring some food back either if I said I wasn't going to dinner ... I wouldn't expect him to either

He sounds like a fair-weather friend. I disagree with the posters who say you are ‘snow-flakey.’ I think you are upset at the lack of warmth and kindness.

Me too. What has happened to people’s empathy? Having had tonsillitis throughout my childhood and 20s, I was hospitalised regularly and once they swelled up so badly, I couldn’t breathe and they had to put a needle in to drain my tonsils. My ex husband, despite his faults, if I were ill, he would force me to stay in bed and bring me meds/drinks/whatever he could think of. It’s not a case of because you’ve always nursed him when he’s unwell that you expect the same back. It’s basic humanity. No one should watch someone they love suffering if they can do something about it. You’re at the age where you’re finding someone to be with and possibly have kids. Think very carefully about your future and if this is something you could deal with. It doesn’t matter he had work the next day. If he truly loved you, he’d have walked on his hands and knees to somewhere to get you what you needed. You’re not being a princess or a snowflake. Ignore those on here with husbands who do jack shit and who have settled for the bare minimum. Lots of love to you OP.

Maybe she doesn't remember because she was delusional from the fever.

OP just go to the relationship thread and see how MNers are usually treated by their husbands and boyfriends. Do you want to settle like them? A little while ago we were arguing about whether being expected to cook a roast dinner two days after giving birth was reasonable. Again… is this the standard you want?

I wouldn’t have asked DH because I wouldn’t have needed to.

Yes, it is a red flag. It is a huge one. Especially when he has to make up some shit about his foot hurting to try and get sympathy and understanding out of you instead of apologizing like he should have.
If you ever get seriously ill, this man will leave you. If he acts like this when you have a fever, how will he act through 40 weeks of pregnancy? Through 18+ years of child rearing? There are entire reels of videos talking about the phenomenon of men always having to get sick when their partner does and how the male illness always seems to be way worse.

You would have took a random tablet that he fished out of who knows where and won't even tell you where he got it? Okay

My husband has always been super caring. When I was ill, he would make sure I stayed in bed and he would do absolutely everything. He even went out to pharmacies late night when I got really sick. At one point, I was out for ages and he contacted a couple of hospitals to see if I had been taken in (I had my phone on silent so didn't hear any of his calls). 3 kids later, he's less like this haha, but still very caring and generally likes to do things for me. I think my husband is exceptional and those most modern guys are not this caring

At one point, I was out for ages and he contacted a couple of hospitals to see if I had been taken in (I had my phone on silent so didn't hear any of his calls).

Don't you think that's a bit odd extreme?

Same.. how longs ages and where were you?!

You sound like a totally entitled Princess and a pain-in-the-arse.

You have a cold? Expect to feel ill for a week.

Get guest services to sort you out with whatever meds you need - BUT YOU HAVE A COLD, so expect to feel ill.

I cannot believe you are expecting people to run all over the place at your whim to collect this or collect that.

A cold is generally not expected to kill you. And this was a business trip for him? Where was your support for him?

Do you really think he’s fished it out of somewhere random?

Hard to imagine how she’ll cope with child birth if she handle a sore throat-and good luck getting a partner who’ll spoon feed her

I wouldn't ask my dh to go out late at night for cold meds. And I wouldn't go if he ask me You sound like you expect a lot.

If he's generally kind, asks you if you need anything and takes care of any task that need doing I would say that's enough.

No, I think he went down and asked someone, who knows who, and they fished it out of their bottle, and he didn't give two shits enough about her to ask what it was exactly and just gave it to her. It could be anything from pain meds to cold meds to allergy meds to someone's grandmas heart meds. The point is he didn't ask and she didn't know. I wouldn't have taken it and I don't even have allergies. could have been dug out the bottom of someone's pocket or purse.

If someone posted “I’m on a work trip abroad and my boyfriend has come along. He came down with a cold today (sore throat, runny nose) but hasn’t taken any meds. I have an early start tomorrow but my boyfriend has just announced, at 10:45pm, that he is struggling to sleep because his nose is really bunged up so he wants me to go out and buy him a lemsip” nobody would think the boyfriend was being reasonable.

We’ve been married 46 years and a few years ago I got food poisoning on holiday. My husband went out to the Farmacia at night, having Google translated ‘food poisoning remedy and hot water bottle’.
OP If he won’t lift a finger after 18 months this does not bode well.

It’s difficult to be subjective, she wakes suddenly from 15 mins sleep suddenly unwell demanding a specific medication, if he came back with an unknown powdered drink would he be receiving the same vitriol? She settles with tea so it feels like a lot of drama and post to mumsnet for symptoms that settled with tea. She asks if she is unreasonable, I feel on this account she was.

But he DID lift a finger-did you read the OP?

A cold is not really sick

Didnt give enough of a shit about her, but went out late at night twice to try to source the magical potion that is lempsip. Contradictory.