To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

You have a cold, not pneumonia! You were well enough to work today, so not incapacitated. Why didn’t you go yourself to the pharmacy during the day if you felt rough? You sound like hard work and quite immature. He’s your boyfriend not your mum

I was sick for 9 days of our holiday once. My husband went out for dinner every night without me because he needed to eat and there was no point in both of us being miserable in the room.

He did get me medicines, drinks and yogurts and things though.

Doesn’t matter what any of us think.

His version of taking care of you doesn’t match what you want or need.

Think carefully whether you can live with that.

What kind of hotel doesn’t have some kind of cold relief available?

It did, but not the right kind apparently.

OP's version is very much that 'a version' much of her narrative doesn't stand up to too much scrutiny

Yeah tbh neither DH or I care much when the other is ill, it just means the other one has more work to do and to put up with moaning. However, 99% of the time our relationship is perfect so I wouldn’t say it’s cause to end a relationship!

They did. Reception gave OP's boyfriend a tablet for her, but she refused to take it because she didn't know who had touched it, and tablets don't work for her anyway. Only lemsip does, apparently. 🙄

no, it was not funny at all to see my husband so sick for over 6 weeks so I’m not gonna let you joke about that.

What’s wrong with you?

I crack on when I am ill but at least I know my DH is a caring man who would go and get me medicine if I asked him unlike the OP's OH.

I am far from a wimp and certainly do not want to be ponced over (bloody stupid phrase) so keep your ridiculous theories to yourself

No, of course it's not going to kill her but a caring person would get her some medicine if she felt rough.

Some colds really make you feel bad and are not just the sniffles.

She had all day to ask him for medicine though, why wait until 11pm?

Feeling suffocated ergo blocked nose from laying down with a cold can't breathe sit up jesus it's a cold that's what colds do....if she had been suffocating she wouldn't be googling or up to drinking tea for god sake....the fact she woke in the morning shows what it was .....she's never ill so makes a mountain on the rare occasion she's off colour normal people get on with it.

Then as a capable adult, you should plan ahead and get your medication before you actually need it.

Duh 🙄

I'm not saying it was funny I can only imagine how scared you were but why can't you see it was a quip at the op who claims to be suffocating, delusional (aka delirious) with fever and cured by tea.

Maybe think before post. Using our awful stressful situation to quip at the OP.

You’re not funny in the slightest

He went out twice for her and did get her some medicine but she refused to take it because she only wanted lemsip. In a foreign country. At night. 🙄

But according to the OP, she'd been 'very sick' for two full days, so why hadn't she made sure to get some medicine in at some point during that time?

Duh...

Delirious!! That’s the word I was looking for!! Delusional works well here though…

Then I apologise for causing you distress I'm afraid cancer makes you laugh at the strangest things others would think macabre but my support group thrives on it so I guess we've become a bit blind to it.... apologies again.

When you have a runny nose and cold then lay down what happens to you?

If she felt like she was suffocating from anything beyond a stuffed nose she needs a hospital.

She wanted cold meds not an ambulance.

I don't think it's crazy to assume she was stuffed up.