To be concerned with how my boyfriend acted when I was ill?

[Vlop]

I'm 30 and he's 31. I've been with him for 18 months, during which I never got ill. He even commented on this saying it's really good.

We've travelled to another continent for his work last week. I tagged along as he wanted me to but got very sick with sore throat and running nose 2 days ago.

We wake up at 6.30 for work (he goes to the office and I work from the hotel room we're staying). Last night we went to bed at 10.30pm and I woke up literally feeling suffocated at 10.45pm. He hadn't fallen asleep yet. I asked him if he could get me flu relief hot drink. It's the only thing that actually works for me.

He went out and got back saying the store 2 minutes away didn't have any medication. I tried to sleep but was really struggling so asked him if there was any pharmacy nearby. He Googled and said that the nearest one was half an hour away and couldn't walk. He did have a car but didn't offer to drive. I explicitly told him that I was really struggling and really needed some medicine. He wasn't doing anything so I asked him to at least phone reception for medication. The phone didn't work so he had to go downstairs. At that stage he was getting really mean to me, making comments like 'I want this over with, let's get you a medicine and be done' etc. It wasn't even 11pm at this point. He came back with one random loose tablet which had no expiry date on and I didn't know who touched it. Tablets never help me anyway so I told him not to worry. Made myself some tea and dozed off.

In the morning I found out that his foot was hurting. He didn't tell me this last night so I didn't know and it explains some of the irritable behaviour. I also understand maybe I was being slightly difficult as I was really physically struggling (first time in our relationship, I'm not a princess). Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once and when he got back I told him I didn't feel like having dinner and he went out alone to eat. Don't think he even asked me if I wanted anything. I find that lack of empathy/compassion a red flag. AIBU?

When she says herself she didn't want any dinner!!!

I remember when I was in school there was one girl who always used to want attention and drama. If everyone was going out she would always say she couldn't come until someone (not me!) practically begged her and then she'd be like "oh ok I guess I'll come then" 🙄Always just needed that extra attention and validation.

If OP was 39 and not 30 I would think this was her!

She worked in her room with a cold all day....could have gone out for air and tablets at lunch....
She had a cup of hot tea that made her well enough to sleep.... therefore perfectly adequate for a blocked nose ...steam....and her throat was able to swallow so no real issue ....he was on a work trip and had to be at work in the morning it was already gone 10.30pm in a strange country and she wanted him to drive 30 minutes each way for a cold FFS that's pathetic.

Let's be glad the pandemic is basically over otherwise the OP would have asked "AIBU that my BF left me to die of covid?"

I don’t get it , the majority of people would leave their partner feeling ill for the sake of 15 minutes? I would get up at 11pm and drive to a chemist for whatever I could get, although accept that may be paracetamol … it’s only a cold but it’s not a hour away. You can feel shitty with ‘just’ a cold.

I wouldn’t take one unwrapped pill off anyone. Also think lemsip has a decongestant in too which helps with sleeping so not just paracetamol

do think you should have gone out during the day op but I still would have gone for my Dp

But the OP has told us that this is a civilised English-speaking country, and they are staying in a hotel on a business trip, probably quite a nice one with 24-hour reception. So what happened was likely to be this:

BF: Hi, my GF is a bit poorly, do you have anything for a cold?
Receptionist: Of course, sir. Let me go to the clearly-marked first-aid cabinet and cut a paracetamol tablet from this blister pack / shake you one out of this tub that is clearly marked "Panadol". You do appreciate that we provide this as a courtesy and you should consult a doctor if her symptoms persist?
BF: Yes, of course. Do I owe you anything? No? OK, thank you so much.

What probably did not happen was this:
BF: Oi, mate, my GF is kicking off, got something to keep her quiet?
Receptionist: Sure <scrabbles around in drawer>, give her one of these <wink>, you won't hear anything from her for the rest of the night, narmean? If you need anything else in the tablets line, lemme know, alright?
BF: Nice one! <high 5>

Agree but not sure what OP expected when she insisted he go downstairs and ask the night-porter for some medication.....because at 11pm I am pretty sure reception was not fully staffed.
I wouldn't have even asked.

I think she was probably hoping for something still in its packaging. It’s not totally wild to think they might have some basic meds behind the desk

Well they did have basic meds but she didn't take it. Not all meds come in blister packs.

Lots of countries don't have blister packs
You buy paracetamol in a bottle in 100s in the US.....and most UK hotels wouldn't have any to give out for guests , it's a liability night mare.
Interested to know exactly which country....and even if the pharmacy was open.

You are missing the point. He went down to get it and came back with it. If she didn't want to take it then that's not his fault or problem

I don’t think she asked for a random pill. Did she?

And this is what is princess behaviour.

She was "very sick" for 2 days but only asked for medication at 10.45 at night on day 2
She had been in bed 15 minutes at this point
The medication she wanted was neither necessary or would have really helped her breathe......nasal congestion does not stop you breathing you just have to breathe through your mouth or blow your nose!

OPs expectations of what is available where and when are ridiculous....as well as her expectation of what over the counter medication will actually do for her symptoms....which is not much.
It's not reasonable to expect a 24hr pharmacy within walking distance and she was not ill enough to warrant one.

He was also in pain and not demanding she go out looking for painkillers for him.

This is an example of bottles of 100 paracetamol based medication available on Canadian Amazon and no doubt in every corner drugstore. That will be why the tablet was not in a blister pack.

I remember bottles of 100 paracetamol being on sale in the UK when I was a kid in the eighties.

When I’m feverish and fluey and finding it hard to breathe I feel pretty vulnerable, don’t you?

It can change very rapidly. I’ve witnessed recently my husband gasping for breathe with congestion from a cold which went to his throat. It was scary and we needed an ambulance.

I wouldn’t downplay how awful some seemingly normal cold symptoms can turn

nah not really, I just get on with it

OK

I could empathise with you, but this bit jumps out at me:

Today he texted me at work to see how I am only once

How many times do you expect him to contact you at work to express concern for your welfare?

You’re not that vulnerable if a cup of tea sorted it.

More likely the OP has lasting trauma issues around her childhood.

When you love someone, you want to take care of them. It’s only natural. My husband would have driven to the chemist and would have brought me hot soup (without me having to ask). Such normal behaviour. Being sick is awful. They say you need to date long enough to see each other in illness. He’s seen you sick and you’ve seen his reaction. Proceed with caution.

This is sad, I’ve just noticed the OP saying she grew up with abuse and neglect. So if there are lasting trauma issues I don’t think the pile on from the usual mob will help at all. 😢

@Vlop if travelling to another continent then it's a good idea to take basic medication (like flu medicine) with you. In case you need it at 10.45 at night in a place you don't know. He went out looking for it for you - that's actually very good of him.

He texted you once at work today to check on you. Any more than that, most people would find annoying so I don't know why you expect more?

You had a cold, why couldn’t you have dealt with it yourself?

At 11pm, in a foreign country it's probably as easy to get the "special" drink as you call it as it is to get some honey and a fucking lemon. Come on now!

You had a cold, he was working, you had all day to get meds, you waited till nearly 11pm to ask him to go out - which he did - after a cup of tea you went to sleep.

Those are the facts you've presented.

You're being dramatic.