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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

256 replies

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 16:51

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 09/05/2024 05:23

bluegreygreen · 08/05/2024 23:59

I wouldn't allow ....
It would be in the bin ...
I would let him do x ....

Very uncomfortable with how some on the thread talk about relating to their partners. Why wouldn't it be joint decision-making, rather than one person dictating?

(I'm not interested in graphic novel collectables. My husband is. Our living room is decorated jointly.)

Husbands shouldn't be seen or heard according to MN.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 09/05/2024 05:34

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband · 08/05/2024 23:42

My partner has put up shelves all around the house for my "toys" (expensive lego sets mostly) I have some cool stuff in my eyes I'm sure your husband has too he gets extra points if it's retro/vintage and in original packaging. Some is in our bedroom some is in the front room and it's slowly sneaking it's way into other parts of the house. You clearly have very different tastes and personalities. If it's his room to do what he wants with why does it bother you he's left it in boxes in there? close the door like you said you wanted to be able to do. Maybe help him on a weekend put some display cases/shelves or whatever up then you both get what you want.

He's not doing it in his room like they agreed though, he's leaving boxes all over the living room.

Bjorkdidit · 09/05/2024 05:42

GalileoHumpkins · 09/05/2024 05:23

Husbands shouldn't be seen or heard according to MN.

Show quote history

Definitely. The thread where the OP was concerned about her pregnant DD because they were buying a house in the Home Counties and a flat in London where the DH was going to spend all week for his big job and living the life of a single man while DD was going to be home alone with a newborn and the consensus was that it was an ideal set up made that clear.

It was even suggested that the DD would be able to stick it out a few more years, perhaps have another DC then she'd be able to divorce him and be set for life because he was wealthy and she'd given up her teaching career to raise their children.

Hardly anyone saw the potential pitfalls that the OP was concerned about where she might feel isolated and struggle to cope alone.

potatowine · 09/05/2024 06:00

Part enjoyment in collecting things is putting them on display for visual enjoyment( rather than having to enjoy isolated in a room upstairs)

So maybe get a small glass cabinet in the living room where he can rotate a few figurines to view. He can be responsible for cleaning it too.

It’s his living space too and he’s entitled to some quiet enjoyment of it.

But I agree … not loads of them on shelves making it difficult to clean and unsightly for you.

GerminateMyParsnips · 09/05/2024 06:03

YANBU Op

Being objective, I think you've shown that the candles etc are not the same as the figures because

A) he already cluttered the space up far more with other items, like plants - so has already used his 'allocation' of clutter
And
B) you hate them. Whereas he doesn't appear to hate the candles.

Plus, subjectively his stuff is ugly and there's no way I'd want r a living room with all that crap about either Grin

SickofSoup · 09/05/2024 06:10

I have not read the full thread but I’m with you OP. This is my situation as well and I hate it. I spend very little time in the living room as a result!

ControlShiftDelete · 09/05/2024 06:29

I have a rule for my 5yo who has a massive bedroom with toys that he can only bring one toy to play in the living area and if he doesn't take it back to his room before bed, it will go in the bin. Maybe slowly threaten him and then get rid of one by one?

gerispringer · 09/05/2024 06:35

I’m with you OP , you want a living room you can relax in and host visitors etc not another display case for one partners collection. He’s got a space up to put them , so have a sensible conversation and help him put up shelves and unpack boxes in his space. Fold up all the empty boxes and store in loft or garage. I have a lot of sewing stuff in a spare room and my OH has his books and guitars in a study, fair enough. Those figures are horrible btw.

TiredCatLady · 09/05/2024 06:36

This would drive me insane.

Although I’d suggest if he’s not bothered sorting out his existing collection hoard, and instead acquired 30 more figures in a year… this isn’t a collection. It’s a compulsion/hoarding.

If you move them, how would he react?

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 09/05/2024 06:39

TiredCatLady · 09/05/2024 06:36

This would drive me insane.

Although I’d suggest if he’s not bothered sorting out his existing collection hoard, and instead acquired 30 more figures in a year… this isn’t a collection. It’s a compulsion/hoarding.

If you move them, how would he react?

I agree with this. You have to be firmer and consistent. Move it all. Stop anything else from appearing.

mafsfan · 09/05/2024 06:39

OP YADNBU

I can't believe the amount of posts saying the communal candles and photo of your kids are the same as a load of garish plastic tat!! You've come up with a plan for this house - he has a room. It's absolutely perfectly normal to not want that crap in your living room. I'd go mad. My kids are still an age where they have a lot of toys but Lego is displayed in their bedrooms and toys in the living room are stored in boxes on shelves. It's everybody's living room, not theirs, so their stuff does not get to dominate.

UnpickThePockets · 09/05/2024 07:35

There is absolutely no way I could live with those in the sitting room.

If no compromise could be reached, I would genuinely end the marriage. They would make me so tense, so deep is my hatred for shit like that.

SlothsNeverGetIll · 09/05/2024 08:20

I'm really particular about our home and couldn't stand DH's hobby-related crap everywhere.
I happily let him take the second largest bedroom in the house so that he could store EVERYTHING in one place.
YANBU OP.

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/05/2024 08:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Did you look at what they were?

Sharptonguedwoman · 09/05/2024 08:29

SmallFY · 08/05/2024 17:42

Dried flowers and a marvel figure are 100% the same.

Tat that collects dust.

But tat that you like and means something to you.

My DH is the same. Although not to the same extent he would think it a waste of money to buy 30 figures and would think the clutter would look unattractive. Thankfully!

But in our office there's a cabinet with a good few marvel figures, infinity gauntlet, King Kong statue etc. All stuff he loves.

In our lounge we do have one set of shelves that we've put out especially for tat we want out along with some photos and art etc.

On that he has a big Lego set and I have a statue I bought on a special holiday. There is a bunch of Lego flowers too. And some bits DC have made/decorated etc.

I don't want the room cluttered by anything (not mine, his or DC stuff) but it is our home and we do each deserve some of the things we like on display.

He bought her the flowers......?

Onabench · 09/05/2024 08:37

I'd rather remove the candles and photos and have a boring living room than compromise and have both 😂

mrsm43s · 09/05/2024 08:37

It's perfectly reasonable for him to want some of his collectables on display in the communal area rather than all being stored away in the spare room.

Have an equal number of shelves each in the living room, where they can be put neatly, and anything that doesn't fit onto "his" shelves needs to be stored in the spare room and he can rotate as needed.

Anotherparkingthread · 09/05/2024 10:19

I feel like a lot of posters are hyper focused on the specific items, as they also have some similar interests and similar things (though presumably not a spare room, a loft and a storage container full). If you replaced Lego and Marvel stuff with phallic sculptures and photos of Tony Blair, I bet all the plastic tat apologists would soon change their minds about how much of DH stuff they would want in the living room.

CutthroatDruTheViolent · 09/05/2024 13:58

YANBU.

And please, let's not pretend that a "collection" that is overflowing from an entire ROOM is the same as a few artfully placed photos and flowers!

I've had similar here, with me and 3 sons plus husband who are all Marvel mad. I've allowed the second lounge to be a gaming room and that's where everything will go - aside from a select few items that are gaming related but they are mine Wink

Chocolatebrownieyum · 09/05/2024 14:47

TammyJones · 08/05/2024 20:45

Humm
Could be.
I mean if he loves them so much why are they all still in boxes?
This would be an absolute deal break for me.

Show quote history

He's a collector. He's not playing with them. It's well known that collectibles are worth loads more in their original boxes. My DH has a themed collection and everything is in original boxes, nothing has been used (including stuff like mugs etc relating to the theme).
However, OP I'm with you. The collection should be kept together in his room and displayed properly, not all over the house.

RosieIGrant · 09/05/2024 14:54

I would gather them all up and move them upstairs, I wouldn’t like childish toys all over my lounge either! Considering he’s now got a room for all this shit YANBU

Universalsnail · 09/05/2024 15:02

I agree with him. You can have what you want on shelves. So can he. But I do think he needs to make them presentable. So neat on a nice shelf and not cluttering counter space, table space or floor space.

EmpressSoleil · 09/05/2024 15:42

For me the defining factor is, just how small is this upstairs room?

If there's literally only space to display the stuff and nowhere to sit and enjoy it. I can see why he's been reluctant. I'm a "collector" and I like sitting with my things around me. If it would end up being nothing more than a "cupboard" for his stuff then he's not going to get the enjoyment from it.

However, if it's large enough to display things and have some kind of sofa or even just a comfortable chair so he can spend time in there relaxing, then I am more on the OP's side. So for me, that's a crucial bit of information.

That being said, it is unreasonable of him to want all of his collection displayed in public areas of the house. I think a few items rotated (as many pp's have suggested) would be the way to go.

I am thankful I live alone and can have whatever crap I like, anywhere I like 😁

Snowflakeslayer · 09/05/2024 18:03

BeepBeepYh · 08/05/2024 16:51

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

Couldn’t cope with a man child. Huge ick.

Mylifesadrama · 09/05/2024 18:26

My husband collects figures, dvds, blu rays and has filled a whole dining room. I have put a nice room divider screen across as it’s a lounge diner. He knows he’s not allowed to cross the line into the lounge. He’s running out of space but is still constantly buying more. We don’t have access to a loft space or any other room. I’ve told him when we move and have to downsize next year he’s going to have to rent a storage unit for it all. Drives me mad that he can’t see that he’s run out of space.