To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

[BeepBeepYh]

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

Dh has an office with two of these metal cabinets, a kallax and a guitar stand. So all asd special interests hobbies can be hidden behind a closed door when needed.

https://www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/rudsta-glass-door-cabinet-anthracite-50450137/

As a bit of a geek myself I see both side of this to an extent. I see the logic in partner saying “I live here too, can we both have things we like in living room?” But I do think it’s not everyone’s taste at all, a living room should in my opinion be calm and relaxing, and to you this is not. I think if I was him, I would embrace the mancave and get it all set up and in there. My whole house loves gaming, both myself and my partner have agreed on our living room being nicely decorated and furnished, and then we will at some point get a few subtle (ish) gaming items we agree on to add to the room, oh has his own man cave sort of room he can do what he likes with, I have a large area in our bedroom for my sewing machines, plus a walk in cupboard for storing sewing things

Can’t you compromise? The bulk of his collection can stay in ‘his’ room, but he has a shelf or a really nice wall-mounted unit in the living room to display a selection of his favourites?

I don’t think it’s fair for anyone’s hobby or collection to completely overwhelm a shared space. Boxes lying around and every surface covered in collectibles for an interest you don’t share is out of order. But it should be perfectly OK for him to have some of his personality in the room.

DP has a framed print in our living room relating to his favourite band. I’m not a massive fan of the band but it’s a stylish print and I can live with it. Equally, I have an animal skull that I love but DP doesn’t- we have that on display because it’s a lovely example of its type and it’s connected to my interest in zoology as well as folk horror. Neither of us would fill the room with hoarded collectibles, but we do let the room reflect both our individual interests as well things we both like.

I think he’s confusing room to store with place to display. Maybe he didn’t realise that the plan was for all the little fellas to be up in the hell room. I wouldn’t like them in the lounge. My DH is naturally quite untidy but I keep the lounge quite minimalist to control any clutter (it has a tendency to escape from the hell room). He knows it overwhelms me if everywhere feels messy, so that’s my kind of calm space. I do feel for you.

I think it will have to be a compromise where you somehow incorporate a couple of less ugly faves onto a shelf somewhere. Or move the display into a no-man’s land room if you have one (our dining room works for us).

Thank the lord he doesn’t collect full size Daleks. I knew someone who had those in bits around the house 😖

Thank the lord he doesn’t collect full size Daleks. I knew someone who had those in bits around the house

I'd love one! all mine are little but still in the study not the living room!

To be honest I love it when I go to someones house and they have their "stuff" out on display.
It gives them a personality I may not have been aware of.
I love being able to say "Wow you clearly love Pokémon/books/cats/plants/whatever". Fantastic conversation starters.

I hate to say this but I think I'd sort out the room upstairs myself.

Or come to terms with needing seperate houses.

YANBU to not want to live in a messy room cluttered with plastic crap.

Offer to help him sort out the room, if you think that might solve the problem. However, if the issue is that he just wants his things in the main room where he'll see them as he comes and goes, having his own room sorted won't make a difference.

If you give him your blessing/compromise by 'allowing' a few figures at a time on a specific shelf, will he go along with that, or will it turn into another disagreement with every new figure he buys?

How much can he realistically fit in the small room, if he's actively building his collection?

She has compromised. He also collects plants and has 28 of them plus 16 (empty?) pots in the living room. He has rehoarded 39 new toys into the room. Those are what she wants to go, she said she’s fine with the 40+ plants and such staying.

This is honestly the thing I find hardest about sharing a house. DP and I have different styles and interests (mine - books and maps, plants, wooden furniture, lots of colour, pictures on the walls: him - lots of tech, lego, magnolia walls, glass and steel, games consoles, ginormous tv) and our house is a compromise of both that just looks a bit of a hotch-potch and random. Much as I love living together, sometimes I idly fantasise about having a space I could decorate and furnish as I’d really like to, and imagine what I’d put in it… just one room would do!

What happens when you remind him he has a whole room that he agreed to put his stuff in? What would happen if you told him as he’s not using that room as intended you’re going to use it for insert random hobby?

Jus5 looked at our living room shelves, very small, it’s an old boat. Everything on there is mine, bottom shelf=fossils/ancient Beatrix Potter books. The only thing not mine is a decorative chess set my pils gave us. There is no other display space in here.

I would stand in the living room, grab a black plastic bag and say presents from our kids? You say they’re my junk now. And tip them into the bag. Candles you bought to hide our smelly dog? That’s your junk but I’ll let it stay. Coasters for our drinks? I guess you’re saying that’s my junk, in the bin it goes. Plants? Your junk, if mine goes in the bin so does yours. Tip it in. When I got to the Lego I’d tip it all in hand him the bag and say that’s what happening if I see Lego in here again. Go tell the kids you’ve decided we have to bin all their presents.

He has his own room. I'd find the figurine clutter annoying too. But it is his house as well. I would go for a small display cabinet/unit in the living room and then the rest have to go in the non-shared space.

Remove them yourself . Hubby has a thing for collectibles too , if he had his way the house would look like a stupid kids room . You are better than me as the only place I have him was under the bed storage 😂. I let him out a few displays in our converted garage ( we use it as a cinema room / bar ) .

More than you can possibly imagine. I think. I personally couldn't bear it.

Serious suggestion. Nominate a weekend together to sort out the collections room. Get furniture and shelves sorted. Then the collection can live there. Tbf you should balance what's in the living room so it reflects both your hobbies.

My partner has put up shelves all around the house for my "toys" (expensive lego sets mostly) I have some cool stuff in my eyes I'm sure your husband has too he gets extra points if it's retro/vintage and in original packaging. Some is in our bedroom some is in the front room and it's slowly sneaking it's way into other parts of the house. You clearly have very different tastes and personalities. If it's his room to do what he wants with why does it bother you he's left it in boxes in there? close the door like you said you wanted to be able to do. Maybe help him on a weekend put some display cases/shelves or whatever up then you both get what you want.

Yeah. And the futile fight over what is or is not appropriate. Honestly you'd be amazed at how much it is bothering you when you can tell it to fk off

This.

I wouldn't allow ....
It would be in the bin ...
I would let him do x ....

Very uncomfortable with how some on the thread talk about relating to their partners. Why wouldn't it be joint decision-making, rather than one person dictating?

(I'm not interested in graphic novel collectables. My husband is. Our living room is decorated jointly.)

Op there is 4 ways i have come up with sorting this.

1 Fake a burglary.
2 Burn the house down.
3 Divorce me or the toys.
4 you plan a free day together and sort the room out together get really involved with it.
(Fake it if you have to)

But yeah it would drive me mad to.

They did agree. They moved house and dedicated a whole room to him. Where’s her room? They bought the living room decor together, except the kids presents he said to put up, except the candles he bought for their smelly dogs. The op has agreed and compromised, what you are saying is why doesn’t she keep bending further backwards as he moves the goalposts. Because he’s a hoarder and it’s an illness.

No, I wasn't referring to the OP

If it was fairy houses or sylvanian families or just little houses with all the little bits or adult dolls houses i would be on your husbands side.
I just like dolls houses.😊