To not want DHs toys all over the fkn living room?

[BeepBeepYh]

DH is a geek. He collects figures, lego, character statues etc.

When we had a smaller house his stuff was all over the living room. Shelves of them, cabinets, on the mantle piece etc... It caused a fair few arguments.

We've moved to a new house and there's a small room upstairs that's currently got boxes in that haven't been unpacked /sorted that we agreed would be his room for his collection.

He can put shelves up, lights, a cabinet. Anything he wants as long as the door shuts.

It's been close to a year and he's not sorted the room out.

His collection is all still in boxes in that room and the loft.

Only since we moved he started a new collection. A certain series of figures and he's been buying them.

He must have bought 30 of them.

My livingroom sideboard has been filled with the empty boxes (he won't bin them) and the shelves I put up in an alcove has been taken over by the figures.

My kids are all teens now and I was really looking forwards to having a 'grown up' living room.

I said to him yesterday that he needs to move all the toys and set up his room.

He says that I have things on the shelves so why can't he? My things are picture frames, dried flowers, ornaments and candles.

It's hardly the same is it?

It's not like I'm saying he can't collect them. I don't give a shit. I'm just asking that he sorts the room upstairs out so he can put them all on display there!

He said that it's not fair that I've got the living room and bedroom for my stuff (I've got absolutely nothing on display, I just want a NORMAL living room and bedroom that doesn't look like ToysRUs. It's not like I collect things and have all my stuff everywhere. I just want a minimal bedroom after decades of toy clutter) and he has to just have the office room.

I said most blokes would love have a whole mini room to have their own space and the living room or bedroom isn't the place for his collection.

AIBU?

Imagibe 30 x 6" marvel figurines stood on your living room shelf??

That's good if you both like that stuff.

I don't hate it myself. I've gotten lego for my birthday before and bought some figures from movies I've liked.

But his level of collecting isn't the normal limit.

You couldn't function in a room with that amount of stuff in.

Hence a separate room that won't be disturbed by kids, animals etc

Your husband is a hoarder. Of course he can't see he has an issue. You need to set firm boundaries or your house will end up filled with shit. Just because it's not rubbish doesn't mean it's not hoarding. What will it look like if these collections grow at the same rate for 10 or 20 more years? Don't let him take over the entire house you have been fair giving him an entire space to keep his shit.

Your things on display is just normal decoration

His things on display is a hobby. A collection isn't decoration. He has his own hobby room. Totally normal to ask him to store stuff there

Just move all his toys upstairs and tell him it's a break-up issue for you - that's how much you want a 'normal' living room.

It might sound extreme but I honestly couldn't live in house where the living room was cluttered with toys of any kind. When my children were small most of the toys lived in their bedrooms or in a wooden chest downstairs (rotating what was downstairs). I definitely couldn't live with plastic figurines everywhere.

The compromise could be that you only have things on display in the living room that you both agree on. If that means empty shelves then I'd rather live with that to be honest!

I'm an avid LEGO collector and display most of my builds in my office, some in spare bedroom and rest in my son's playroom. I like a "grown up" living room so the only time LEGO makes it into the main living room is when the house is decorated for Easter, Halloween or Christmas and the associated builds come out of storage.

I have a very accommodating husband who likes to display his own crap collectibles in his man cave.

I would say fair enough equal numbers then- I have 3 candles, 1 bouquet and 2 ornaments so you can have 6 figures. I dust mine weekly so you do yours and if either get dirty they get relegated upstairs.

Absolutely fair that it's a matter of balance then - he shouldn't be completely cluttering the place, but not fair to declare communal space a DH-free zone either. Maybe agree a reasonable number of items (which you reserve the right to hide when you're entertaining certain people)

Please don’t threaten breakup over things like this. Have a proper adult conversation without ultimatums…

I'd count what belongs to you, what is yours as a couple. He can have an equivalent number of figures on one or two shelves. A massive clutter of figures like in the pics you shared would drive me insane. If he doesn't keep them clean they get moved upstairs.

That's how I feel.

The stuff that's 'mine' is just normal stuff you have in a livingroom to make it feel homely.

I don't have a passion for them. They're just the stuff you put in a living room so it doesn't look empty.

Also I hasten to add that the garden and all downstairs windowsills have been taken over by plants. Dozens on each sill.

Another of his hobbies

Though I don't mind them half as much.

God I can't believe how team DH you're all being! Abso-fucking-lutely no chance I'd let him put those hideous figures everywhere in my lounge. He's not a teenage boy.

I'd also object to the amount of money wasted spent on the bloody things. My DH collects vintage cars but at least they're kept out of the house and are pretty much guaranteed to appreciate in value.

YANBU. I would absolutely hate that! I'm constantly putting the kids' and cats' toys away as they make the place look so cluttered. A grown man putting more toys on the living room shelves would tip me over the edge 😂

The problem is the sheer quantity of those on the shelves. I bet you don’t have 30+ different-coloured/decorated candles or photos crammed together on one or three shelves, as shown in the photo on your previous comment.
Get him a display cabinet for the lounge, and tell him to clean it weekly/monthly, while changing his collection over to another one. That way, his one cabinet will be a conversation piece, allowing visitors to admire each collection properly, as it won’t be overcrowded, hidden or dusty.
Source some plastic boxes to store the collection boxes in the loft! Job done😁

Get him a display cabinet for the lounge, and tell him to clean it weekly/monthly, while changing his collection over to another one. That way, his one cabinet will be a conversation piece, allowing visitors to admire each collection properly, as it won’t be overcrowded, hidden or dusty.

Agree with this. The rest of it goes in the hobby room that he sorts out.

I agree that OPs things are normal things you'd find in a living room. I don't consider marvel toys to be equivalent. I'd remove them to the spare room and tell him he needs to spend the next bank holiday in there installing shelves, unpacking boxes etc or you'll be in there with a bin bag for all the packing crap and a nice big brightly coloured toy box for his action figures.

Ah well then plants count as his things too so ofset that with the candles. Fairs fair.

YANBU at all. Would it help to dedicate a weekend where you agree you will help to sort out his hobby room - if he is putting off sorting it out? Not that you should have to but it might make some progress? I think it is significant that he has plants everywhere so it is not like you are trying to make the house all 'yours'.

There's 2 candles because we have pongy old dogs.

It's hardly the same to have 30 figurines.

It's not normal to have figures in the living room. It's fairly standard to have a candle??

Having his stuff relegated "out of view" so that he can only see them if he removes himself from communal space isn't equal or reasonable.

Reasonable and equal would be a 50/50 division in communal areas. DH's figures and OP's ornaments/candles.

Because I have the candles for practical reasons (smelly old dogs) photos for family and 2 or 3 sentimental pieces.

That's in no way comparable to what he would have in the room if I didn't impose limits.

In our old house I would estimate there was around 500 figures.

This wasn't a large room.

It was a 2 up 2 down terrace.

That would happen again here if I don't put my door down.

Now he has a whole room for his stuff.

Dried flowers and a marvel figure are 100% the same.

Tat that collects dust.

But tat that you like and means something to you.

My DH is the same. Although not to the same extent he would think it a waste of money to buy 30 figures and would think the clutter would look unattractive. Thankfully!

But in our office there's a cabinet with a good few marvel figures, infinity gauntlet, King Kong statue etc. All stuff he loves.

In our lounge we do have one set of shelves that we've put out especially for tat we want out along with some photos and art etc.

On that he has a big Lego set and I have a statue I bought on a special holiday. There is a bunch of Lego flowers too. And some bits DC have made/decorated etc.

I don't want the room cluttered by anything (not mine, his or DC stuff) but it is our home and we do each deserve some of the things we like on display.

If you choose a man as a life partner, don't you choose the whole man? Not just say "I'll have your sense of humour, your body, your general decency, but I hate your hobby and no sign of it must appear in our shared living space?"

Agreed those shelves are storage rather than display.