If you want to be chased you'll only end up dating men who are good at chasing. They've most likely perfected that art through practice, i.e. serial dating.
That’s not the case.
Serial daters play the numbers thanks to apps. It’s not about pursuing one woman with insistence anymore, but trying it out with many. A woman who can take a step back at the start and will not be wooed by their verbal love bombing or superficial gestures, they ll opt out.
Make the guys make the first steps so you can observe how they treat you and handle themselves. Give zero time, emotional energy, effort or thought until the guy comes with an overture/invitation that satisfies ALL your standards, don’t settle for any other attempt he makes ‘to see where it goes’, because you’re fooled by his words, your feelings, the magic of the moment. Only pay attention to his actions.
That is very unappealing to serial daters and sleazes, whose ambition by nature is to get the goods with as little effort, respect or affection they can get away with.
But a woman who is “just herself”, spontaneous, wears her heart on her sleeve, ready to see the good in everything, so kind she doesn’t observe a guy or has any reserve or awareness of her standards, they thrive on that. That, they will pretend to pursue for a reasonable amount of time.
Because even if it takes more than one date to have her, she’s easy to them because she s an open book, she s giving them the script, and if she takes the initiatives as well, skips steps and saves him all the work, even better. They just have not to eff it up and make the right noises until she caves in, that’s all.
Don’t be an open book with your emotions. Make no effort, practical or emotional. Don’t explain your expectations to them, let them figure it out.
Only his actions matter, words, feelings, circumstances, no. Be aware of your standards, respect your dreams.
Don’t reciprocate anything until he comes with a gesture that meets all your standards. Unless you have enormous resilience and self-confidence, let him prove himself first.
And the easiest, safest way is to let him do the first steps. When left to himself to make things happen and seduce you, how does he do it? The more space and the less help or explanations you give, the better you will see him for who he is.
It’s not passiveness or faking or retrograde, it’s observation. It’s not the relationship, it’s before, it’s vetting.
And considering the not too great quality of the dating pool, and the many low lives or even dangerous men you can meet, that so many strong and intelligent women like MNers seem to reject or deeply misunderstand what this observation round is made for and how necessary it is for women not to be played, not to have their time, attention and energy wasted, not to be put in unsavoury/dangerous situations or settle for less than they want, in the name of being yourself, following your impulse, being modern etc., it’s so weird.