Men should do the chasing

[Verucasalt123]

Am I the only one who thinks the word chase is vile.
I don't want a man to 'chase' me, I want something mutual and reciprocal. It's on here all the time, people proudly proclaiming their man chased them for weeks, initiated and planned every date, turned up with flowers and so on.

The same people would rather die than double text or initiate anything first with a man. I've had friends absolutely horrified that I had asked men out because apparently that's their job.

I'm not advocating anybody chases anybody, but I think trying hard with someone who clearly isn't interested is a waste of time.

People who have this idea about traditional gender roles, I'd like to know if that continues throughout the relationship too? Are the women expected to do most of the domestic chores because that's the woman's job?

I really don't believe that every man loves the chase. Certainly some do, but that's them.

Also, once he's 'won' his prize, do you then show more interest and affection once he knows he's got you? Will he not get bored once the chase is over?

Honestly I'm single so what do I know, but I'd rather do so than partake in this chase bullshit.

Agree.
It's not about being cold, blasé or standoffish.
It's about self respect and a positive attitude.
So be warm, keen and happy, but let him ask you for a second date.
Don't drop previous plans if he ask you out

And remember the rules:
Never accept a date for Saturday after Wednesday.

Well jumping in the sack within hours of meeting is less likely to result in a long term relationship. Nothing is a guarantee in life, how strange you would think that there were or that I was suggesting such a unicorn.

Not wanting to be chased doesn't mean you'll sleep with a man immediately, it's not one or the other.
Anyway I see it constantly on here 'oh we slept together within 3 minutes of meeting and we've now been married for 78 years!"

Absolutely agree with the last two points, but what if he likes you and is genuinely happy that you asked him for a second date?
Everyone on here seems to be assuming that if a woman asks a man out, he'll only say yes if he's no other options.

I don’t see it as dominant behaviour to chase me? I see myself as the dominant one. He can beg, crawl, do elaborate things to try and get my attention and I am the dominant one choosing him or choosing another man.

What the actual fuck?

“Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
So carry on as you are and see how you get on but if it’s not working it’s worth having a rethink and seeing what results other methods might get you.

Ok then. I took the no chase thing to also mean no playing hard to get, because if the flirting and dating goes on for awhile, that is the chase. A chase is mutual in that you give signs of encouragement….

To be fair I can't really tell if it's worked or not worked, with my ex we already knew each other and just messaged online and eventually he came to stay, and we were together 4 years.

I find it vile when friends post their ‘love story ‘ on fb on an anniversary, and it’s things like ‘he asked me out 5 times. I kept saying no but he persisted and finally agreed to go out with him’. Umm that’s gross respect someone’s boundaries if they say no it’s no. not a love story. I have another friend who is married to her boyfriend she had at 14 when he was 19. She would sneak out to see him. Her dad still to this day dislikes him and she got mad at me when I said I see her dads point, the relationship at that stage was inappropriate and I would feel the exact same.

'Never accept a date for Saturday night after Wednesday'

[Vomits copiously and makes frantic V-signs]

Fuck off with this ridiculous shit.

I have to ask myself what crap is going on in my head that I even clicked on this thread. [Hides it]

A chase that isn’t mutual is criminal stalking…btw.

I feel like you’ve been posting the same kinda thing over and over again for the past 2 months now. Possibly longer. But it always goes like this; met a guy, went for coffee, talked for hours and was certain it was mutual, suggested a second date and that’s where it ended and you’re fixated on this silly notion that you’ve somehow cursed the whole romance because you asked him out.

I may, of course, be wrong. And you’ll no doubt not say even if I’m not but, this game/chase shit that people go on about it exactly that; bullshit, A man that is legitimately interested in a woman will be happy for her to suggest meeting again. Joyous, even. In the scenario you describe he just wasn’t as keen on you as you’d convinced yourself he was. That’s just life.

If you are the same poster please consider speaking to a therapist of some sort. I say this with kindness, it’s really not healthy. And it won’t do you any favours in finding a bloke either. There is no magic formula; you’ll either find a good one and he’ll like you back for who you are, or you won’t. Any successes you’ll have (and I wish you many!) in this department won’t be because you ‘played it’ a certain way.

All the best.

I haven't posted before no? I've had a few rubbish coffee things that didn't go anywhere though sadly.

That's how I navigated relationships in my teens and early 20s. Now I'm super direct and let the chips fall where they may.

Ok. Fair enough.

Stop with the ‘sadly’ though. It’s not sad to have quickly realised that a man wasn’t interested in you back. Onwards and upwards!

You say you don’t want to be the prey but you’re not half playing the victim. Just accept they don’t like you in the same
way and move on to the next. It’s not that deep, and these men aren’t trying to lay some elaborate groundwork. They weren’t keen. End of.

I've had a few rubbish coffee things that didn't go anywhere though sadly.

It can be disheartening, so many rubbish men out there. Pay it no mind, you will find a diamond one day.

Don't go out for coffee, coffee implies friendships.

Why would you WANT a man to call you if he doesn't respect your boundaries and you had to wriggle away from him??? That's sexual assault territory. What a bizarre post.

"The Rules" is such a load of tosh. If you're not busy, why would you not accept a date for Saturday night on a Wednesday? It's just pretending to be something you're not.

My reaction exactly. Are we in the 1950s?

Don’t worry about all this men have to do the chasing rubbish.
I would take it as the woman is not interested and frankly I’m not playing silly buggers at my age double guessing if she’s playing hard to get.
Your basic intuition is right, if you like someone show them you like them!
I mean it’s really not that hard.
Then just go from there.
Remember the golden rule with men, keep it simple!
They are not mind readers and most are really crap at picking up subtle or even fairly obvious signs.
I think you have the right attitude and do t be confused by all these secret magical tactics to weed out the wrong un’s.

I think the idea that the man should chase is a very bad one. It’s just another way of saying the man gets to choose. Men get to choose a partner they like the look of and chase her down. The woman doesn’t get to choose - she has to wait to see who chases after her and go for one of them.

If given the option, I would much sooner be the chooser/ chaser.

If a woman gives off I’m not interested vibes I will assume she is not interested.
Or are you saying when women say and act not interested I should ignore that and keep trying The more she tells me to go away blocks phone number, gets a restraining order the keener she must be.
Its like a stalkers charter.