Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

👆

People who are emotionally repressed are unable to have authentic communication, give yourself a chance and I'm sure you and your DH will get there @NeedToChangeName ❤

Obviously not....

All these self-righteous people who have never shouted at anyone in their lives 🙄
OP it’s hard to say without having been there, but it seems like the manager was taking a kind approach, letting you know it’s normal for couples with young children to sometimes feel stressed and argue. It’s not a bad thing he wanted to make sure you were ok. Ignore the holier-than-thou on here.

We’ve got a 4 month old and I’ve never shouted at my husband.

The hotel staff are just doing their job and if they have had a complaint about you they are probably just checking in to look out for you.

Yes ok. But you decided to marry him. You decided to have a baby. And you decided to go on holiday with a baby. Take some responsibility. I'd have reported you too

This is a classic toxic mumsnet response.
Tired and stressed? Finding it hard being a new mum? YOU CHOSE this. Cope.
🙄🙄🙄

Yes, the man has absolutely no part to play this at all, op did all that by herself. Maybe that’s why she felt like shouting…

You are wrong.

Shouting is not “authentic communication.” It’s a sign of a bad communication. Do you shout in meetings at work to get your point across?

Shouting is anger boiling over. It is lack of control and respect. Children who grow up witnessing parents shouting are damaged by it.

People aren’t lying or pretending to be angels by saying they’ve never shouted out of anger in their relationship. I’m in a 10yr relationship. We have never shouted at each other. Argued, yes. Walked away from
each other during arguments? On occasion. Shouted? No. My parents never had shouting arguments either.

We have a 3 year old and a 5 month old and DH don’t shout at each other. We took both away recently and it was fine, nappy changes and feeding aren’t really any different in a hotel room to home and no shouting happened.

Wow, lots of people not getting upset and shouting!
If it makes you feel any better, I have shouted at my partner in arguments. Emotions are heightened when babies are being involved with lack of sleep and stress.

A hotel guest reporting noise or disturbance or something unusual in another guest room isn't strange at all although in most cases you'd have either security, the manager, or possibly someone from reception checking up on you rather than the maid. It may not have even really been a complaint about the noise - if someone knew there was a small baby with you but didn't know that she wasn't in the room, or if your husband's disability is visible, those could be additional reasons why a bystander might ask hotel staff to check just in case there was an issue.

Given that no one said anything to you directly - normally they would say there's been a report of noise/shouting and ask if you are OK, ask you to keep the noise level down, etc. - I would guess that either you weren't reported and the other two things you noticed were coincidence/the manager having overheard you himself or someone came to check and there was no noise so they didn't disturb you.

I thought this about the threads I’ve seen tonight.

’children should be seen and not heard’ mentality

@SpeedyDrama she bloody married him!
I went away with twins that age. Luckily I had a lovely man as their dad. Same luck - he pulled his weight. Same luck - we communicated without shouting.

I don’t think anyone would have reported a minor row with moderately raised voices. I think perhaps in your tired, stressed (and paranoid) state of mind, you’ve put two and two together.

Sounds like you are at the end of your tether with being a mum, you need help. Maybe get a childminder or something for a few hours a week so you can have some rest.

Shouting is fine if you are stressed and very emotional, upset, angry, cant control yourself and generally want to create a scene, we are all human after all, but if you are going to do it in public (which hotels are basically are) you will need to grow thick skin and learn not to give a crap when people comment on it.

@Bellsandthistle. Not quite. Am v supportive of stressed and tired mothers, as a rule. But the OP is so keen to frame things in a way that lets her off/makes it normal. If she'd posted eg "I was so tired on hols and my DH was being a knob that I shouted at him", I'd have passed on by. But she's absolutely determined to absent herself from responsibility and to make out everyone would have done the same, that it's irritated me. Maybe I'm tired and stressed myself.

@BlueSlate0 exactly. I've never shouted at my boss, in laws, friends etc. All these people have annoyed me at times, but shouting is a choice. And my DH and I choose not to

Apparently our traditional family row on holiday isn't normal then 😅 wondering how I survived the childhood trauma now.

Sounds like he needs more practice. A lot more practice.

And yes, shouting is not normal, there is no way to defend it. But I would accept OP is very stressed and probably quite young so very defensive and prickly.

I guess I would be alarmed if I heard shouting on a holiday, much moreso than from a house

They did the right thing checking.

FWIW, I think you are getting a lot of undeserved shit on here but equally, I think you are projecting the bigger issues here. I understand exactly what you are saying with the mental load of everything finally getting to you when you get on holiday with a new baby because you expect it to finally get a break...and then you realise it's the same shit, just even harder because you haven't got your home comforts and usual routine or anyone from your support network plus the added disappointment from realising what holidaying with a baby and useless man-child is like.

I wish I had some advice for you. I had a husband like this, but I got fed up of constantly parenting a baby and a grown man and realised it would be easier and less disappointing to be a single parent. I was correct.

I think the hotel are just doing their due diligence. They'll definitely get it all the time and are just being over cautious than risk potentially having DV under their noses.