Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Exactly.

Sometimes mumsnet is really awful and I’m so sorry OP that you are getting such a lot of quite sanctimonious criticism.

As you said perhaps they are all angels but I seriously doubt it.

May I suggest you chose to believe that the complaining guests were doing so to make sure you the woman was ok, then forget about it. Enjoy the holiday the best you can, hopefully together. Think smaller than you used to do for holidays maybe - I used to be deliriously happy when he took the baby for an hour or two so could swim and then sleep!

All these saints have never shouted at their husbands? They obviously don't have a husband like mine

There's no need for shouting (extreme circumstances maybe).

@holidaybliss

I think it would depend on what I overheard whether I reported it.

Raised voices wouldn’t really bat an eyelid if it was a one off unless I thought it sounded dangerous.

But if I heard, say, ‘I feel like smacking your head in’ I’d report it.

To be honest not really - about 5/6 times maybe in 19 years.

I don’t like shouting - I grew up in a house full of shouting and it’s affected me forever.

People who can't communicate in a disagreement without shouting are overgrown kids (I don't mean you OP as you've said it was more of a one off, but shouting is what children do). It's hugely unsettling/triggering for other people to have to listen to when it's adults screaming and shouting.

If you lose your temper to the point where you have to shout at someone then go out the room until you've cooled off.

How does somebody outside hearing shouting know that you aren't actually reacting to abuse? You'd prefer it if they didn't give a shit whether you were being hurt or not?

They didn't know whether you're a belligerent twat or somebody forced into a corner and having to come out fighting, as it were.

They checked up on you. Because they actually give a shit about their customers - including you in this case. I'm sure they're now reassured that there's no need to worry about your welfare and won't bother again if you have another argument, as long as you don't disturb other guests or passers-by able to hear it from the street.

@holidaybliss youre having a hard time from MN martyrs who think eye rolling at a spouse is a form of abuse. Couples can reach the point of shouting, especially when in a pressured situation. A young baby, a husband who sounds like he’s not picked up the slack of parenting and the new family admin that comes with it, the expectations of a holiday and how that’s meant to relieve stress somehow making it 10x more antagonistic when you feel like you’ve taken on more work to ‘have fun’ - all this is a catalyst to snapping (in terms of shouting).

Youll probably never know if it was coincidence or someone complained. What’s more important is recognition of why you got to the point of shouting, and if it stems from you needing more of a break, him needing to pull his weight more, sleep deprivation, miscommunication etc.

After your OP I was wondering whether the maid and manager were coincidental. I've changed my mind after reading your responses on here.

So, who made you go on holiday?

@holidaybliss I would really recommend that you just hide this thread and do something else. I'm afraid some posters have decided that their evening's amusement is going to be sticking the boot into an exhausted new mother. And they'll keep going for as long as you engage with them.

You’re deflecting OP. You should (without shouting) be resolving your issues with your unsupportive partner, instead you’re focusing on being told on by your neighbours.

I've filtered by OP's posts. The vast majority are snippy, only addressing negative posts and sarcastic. The tone is terrible.

Maybe OP you're still angry from fighting with your DH, and these replies are not who you are, in which case name-change, hide the thread and move on.

But if this is how you talk all the time, what you focus on all the time, how you communicate, think really carefully. Is this what you want for you, your DH and your child? If DH is a lazy fuck, and it sounds like he is, he's turning you in to a shrew, a nag, a miserable harridan. It's time for a real conversation. No raised voices, no anger, just facts and an unwillingness to put up. Counselling if you need it to control these emotions.

I can't believe what I'm reading. No one has ever shouted at their partner? Never?

I'm not buying it

You ignored the very valid points of the first 2/3rds of my reply to respond to the last sentence in a very childish way.

I think you have a bigger problems that should addressed…Like why you think it’s ok to shout at someone as long as “things weren't thrown”.

I would have reported it too.

Firstly, in case someone us in danger.

Secondly, I'm damned if I'm paying to listen to someone's argument.

I don't shout at my partner. They don't shout at me. We don't have a perfect relationship and do disagree but we don't shout. People who are used to communicating by shouting really struggle to understand that a lot of people don't.

When did it become the case that anyone with a child under 5 should avoid leaving the house in case their child inconveniences anybody? Recent threads have had mothers criticized for going on holiday, going to restaurants or even going to the park, in case their child misbehaves! I wonder if it is a hangover from lockdown, when parents had to bring up their children in total isolation for two years. It seems like its an attitude of "I had two years of virtual house arrest with a toddler and if I managed, then everyone else should!"

@Peoplearebloodyidiots I can honestly say my DH and I have never shouted at each other or our children

I struggle to see why you would think that's "bloody hilarious"

What the hotel owner said: when we argue it's about the kids

What the hotel owner meant: nobody wants to hear this so shut the fuck up

Hear hear

There must be a lot of angelic husbands around if the wife has never shouted at them 🤣

I don't think shouting is normal or healthy in any relationship person and it's not something I've ever done at my partner

OP I hear you, it's exhausting with small kids-throw in a useless husband who does next to fuck all and that just pops the cherry on the fucking cake.
Ignore those that are bleating about better communication methods & claiming to have never shouted, they're not helpful & certainly not what you need to hear when you're feeling like shit 🤨
Yes it sounds like someone has had a whinge about you but I wouldn't give that anymore headspace -instead address the fact that you're doing the lions share & get the other parent to step the fuck up-try not to shout though...😏

I rest my case! 🤣

Totally agree, I don't get the attitudes at all. Compared to all the absolutely crazy scenarios playing out on Mumsnet day after day, the op's situation appears very mild and tame. I don't understand the over-the-top criticism. It's so frustrating for anyone when your OH won't pick up some of the slack.