Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Yikes, that’s a lot of nonsense to go to the trouble of typing!

Amazing that not a single person here has ever lost their temper, regardless of what situation they have doing themselves in

I would have thought it's fairly normal to argue when away together, but looks like the rest of Mumsnet are all angels

..avoid conflict and keep going until you can't go anymore and are run completely into the ground, that's the best way right, swallow those feelings

It appears most people commenting don't argue though and spend their lives tip toeing around each other and accepting things that should be divided more equally

The Mumsnet community are clearly all very well behaved in perfect relationships and resolve all issues by writing things down and having a silent discussion

I was hoping the, my child is perfect and I could breastfeeding without any issue and got loads of sleep and loved my holiday, crew would turn up

All the people that have perfect partners and have never shouted can move along

None of this helps. It just makes you sound like a petulant child and the very real issue gets lost in your defensiveness.
Just like having a baby won't magically make everything better in a relationship, neither will going on a holiday. Issues follow and, in a place you are supposed to relax and enjoy, they will amplify. Nothing was going to change because the scenery did. Doesn't mean your frustration isn't justified or understood. But it had to be expected, right?
Personally, I've lost my temper plenty in a not so perfect relationship where I have not clearly been very well behaved. I'm not a shouter, no matter the disbelief when anyone says they don't shout. I don't. But I can argue, I just try and pick a time and place that won't make anyone else feel awkward. So don't deflect and listen to what is being really said.
At some point, you have to stop being a martyr. Leave the baby with him and walk away and go and do something nice for a couple of hours. I don't doubt your intentions but you aren't helping yourself 🤷‍♀️
Let him know what you need him to do before you can go/get dinner ready/relax with a drink and hang out together. Get him actively contributing and if he still doesn't. You have to choice to knowingly accept this, or not.
I will tell you though, that if you can't get to a point where you are happy with the shared responsibilities and his effort isn't genuinely there, that will be your relationship. No amount of shouting, arguing, crying will change it and I can tell you from experience that it is SO much easier to look after a baby/children without the burden of someone who does not contribute or help or consider YOUR wellbeing. It's freeing to have that lifted tbh

Otherwise known as "A load of self righteous old bollocks".

ETA....love your username!

Patronising waffle. Another “load of self righteous old bollocks", as Pyong says.

How did you type that with a straight face?

Your husband is a lazy selfish abusive gaslighting arsehole.

Get rid. Seriously. This will only get worse. Trust me.

holidaybliss · Yesterday 09:59
he manager was definitely pleasant, I have no idea if it was just a coincidence that he brought this up. We haven't had a telling off or been told anyone has complained.

Lots of comments about how I am defensive and argumentative on here, here's what's happened, I shouted at my partner asking them not to criticize me in front of the baby, so far I have been told:

I thought the baby wasn't in the room ?

I think she is saying that she shouted at her husband, saying that he should not criticise her in front of the child.

Not that she shouted at him in front of the child.

Why are you picking holes in the OP’s posts? Makes you look like someone desperate to reactivate the pile-on. Not a good look.

Apologies @holidaybliss for my comment yesterday. It was inappropriate and unkind. Mumsnet were right to take my comment down and I apologise to them too. My children are teenagers now but I do remember how difficult it is in those early months/years and I am really disappointed in myself for being that person who laughs at someone who is struggling. I am sorry and I hope you are ok.

Well said Mrs Weasley - and big of you to do so

And yes, op, do update us. I hope you’ve had a better day or two.

Gosh that sounds hard to sit through. I’d would have been uncomfortable too

It was actually not too difficult. Not as easy reading your response, couldn't keep it 😂

I'm more than happy for you to enlighten me if you feel I am wrong in what I've said?

I mean, if you don't think the OP sounds petulant by being snippy at people? Or isn't being a martyr creating her own issues by not leaving the baby with the father?

Maybe she was right to expect shit behaviour at home to magically end with a change of location? And on and on 🙄

The answer is probably yes. Most people on here seem good responsible adults. But I've witnessed partners going hell for leather at each other whilst the 10 year old boy licked himself in his bedroom. I was working in the bathroom (plumber) I made my excuses and left. If you have to shout and argue on holiday at your partner then I'd have a long deep think about your commitments to each other.

I get being annoyed but shouting loud enough for long enough to catch another rooms attention is kinda concerning. I've heard tons of stuff in hotel rooms and 100% you concerned people enough to worry about the safety of your kid. Doubt your gona convince anyone your behaviour was normal! If it was a few words or something it would never have caught someone's attention.

I took my youngest away abroad at 3 weeks and then again at 6 months and cant say I found it difficult or stressful. He wasnt a chilled baby but it was just the same as being at home. I did most of the caring as I bf and I dont recognise the need to take so much stuff either. Altho we did have an appt so we could use a wash mach. If you find it so stressful Id suggest not going again until theyre at an age you find easier to manage. And give your husband a boot to help more maybe - he sounds like my adult kids when they were teens, who thought a holiday meant they do nothing as its their holiday but I can carry on as normal

Firstly we don’t know it did catch anyone’s attention. OP just read it into following events, but she could have got that wrong. There was nothing explicitly said about it, and plenty of us have pointed out she doesn’t know it was even mentioned.

Moreover, the balcony doors were open and she said she expects the other room’s doors were too. With open doors you don’t need to raise your voice all that much to be heard. I’ve heard plenty of less than welcome noises in hotels in those circumstances which I wouldn’t call shouting 😉.

Good points! He needs to up his game and remember its your hol too. Hes not doing his fair share and his comments are shocking. The manager visits and other guests arent the issue here. Its him making you feel shit. I dont know what you do on holidaybut he does need telling. Maybe away from other people. Or write it down for him to think about

I grew up in a household where shouting was very normal, it happens in my family too and sometimes it happens on holiday. Don't worry about it arguments happen, just move on from it and enjoy the rest of your holiday.

Shouting doesn’t happen in my marriage so this isn’t normal for me.
But I wouldn’t appreciate listening to people argue next door if I was on a nice relaxing holiday. So kindly, whilst I have sympathy for your situation, maybe just keep that in mind.

As a man, I have been in several relationships.
Some women do not shout at all. Some will only get angry at you if it it your thoughtless. Many need to express anger at you to let off steam about a bad day. I was shocked by it when I was young and it is still something I cannot respect but it is not usual. Women are typically a lot smaller and their voices are smaller it is not the same as the other way round.

I just wants to say you are not alone despite all the comments saying otherwise. We have 2 children 4 years and 15 weeks and there is definitely shouting in our house. I think it's nice the hotel came to check on you though. We have our first family holiday in 2 weeks time and I'm sure there will end up being some shouting between us no doubt x

I think you're finding this motherhood lark hard. Your DH isn't pulling his weight and everything feels too much. That's what you need to address as it sounds like you're not in a great place and need more support. The shouting is a symptom of your distress.

I think its more unreasonable to be shouting in other people's holiday when they can hear you. No its not ok and good for them

We rarely shout at each other, it would have to have been something like DH putting child in danger or something for me to shout but we do bicker like most couples and he will say something not very nice, but we always make up. I think it's unrealistic to expect couples not to fight, but it must have been pretty loud for hotel staff to know it was about you sharing responsibility doe your child.

What a very odd comment.

Overheard from my room... Please for the love of God put your shoes on! Or leave your brother/sister alone.

I don't really shout at my partner as I'm more a sulker 😂 giving him a fierce stare..

First holidays away are absolutely stressful, so I feel for you. But good the hotel are switched on, protective and handled it subtly.