Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Hotels have wafer thin walls and you can often hear normal conversations, never mind shouting. People aren't at all considerate - also having TV on full blast until midnight, slamming doors and letting their kids run around like a herd of elephants.

As for falling out with your partner, it's not nice to shout but it's like speeding - we all do it at least once in our lives.

I have enjoyed you sticking up for yourself OP, some people on aibu do not admit they fart let alone shit.

It isn't normal to shout at your partner?? What planet are you on.

You were too loud clearly.
That said, it is perfectly normal to shout at you fella occasionally to express your feelings. And that is twice as much if he is the cause of it! I suspect most of the posters outraged by the idea nonetheless do so every now and again.
But not in public or a hotel.

Are you overseas? Ex holiday Rep here…..I can’t tell you the number of times hotel guests would approach me about other guests in the hotel about all type of things but on several occasions through concern about someone in a neighbouring room. It was almost always nothing but on two occasions it wasn’t just a bit of a row.

Step away from this thread Op, it’s not helping you.

Sounds like you're not having a fun time, either on holiday or with your partner in general! I think the wider issue is your useless partner, though - which I realise is not always easy to deal with when you've got a very young baby!

Guarantee your life would be easier and less stressful without him, though!

Tell your husband how stressed this holiday made you.

I think it’s tough being away with a baby with no support and you’re clearly tired as well.

If he suggests another holiday say not unless he does all the organising and packing.

Ignore the Polly Perfects on here - it’s a bit of support you need not the village stocks.

They were looking out for you and your baby and making sure you are both safe. That's a good thing.

I'm going to ignore most of this thread, I thought our marriage was going to end 6 months into a first child. It was so tough and we were both so tired.
That said, your husband sounds like a dick/is temporarily being one. I'll bet he could manage sex with his hernia so handling a 5 month baby should be perfectly fine. Not that I'd risk another pregnancy with this prince among men.

I note that you say "you can't afford another creche session", not we? Is it not a shared cost? Feed the baby, hand him/her over and ff off for a couple of hours. Walking is good for a hernia. Keeps muscles strong and reduces post surgical complications [aside from the probability of being buried under the patio type]

Sorry to hear you have had a shit time. I remember the let down of a first holiday post birth thinking I'd get some downtime with a baby that still only took milk and realising that they were totally out of the little routine I'd managed to construct, it was unseasonably boiling hot and that I'd wished I'd just stayed at home. DH wasn't with me, I was on holiday with my parents prior to going back to work but they were no help at all.

Shouting is what kids do when they're having a tantrum.

If I were in this situation and heard this kind of argument I would consider this normal life and not bother complaining

I understand and sympathise with you shouting. I’ll even hold my hand up and admit that I screeched at dh over our baby’s head once. For me shouting arguments were part of my normal but they weren’t part of his. And it was a combination of his higher standards, and MN that helped me reframe what was acceptable in a relationship.

It’s not unusual for people in abusive situations to have skewed norms because the relationships they have seen modelled have been problematic too. I didn’t understand how toxic my dp’s marriage was - I knew I wanted better, but childhood experiences get stamped on our psyches.

I think you’re missing the point that shouting isn’t normal - your own example is that you shouted in reaction to ongoing, sustained emotionally abusive criticism. It didn’t occur in a normal context.

Lots of dhs are a bit clueless with new babies, and holidays are hard. What your dh is doing though is not normal. Even if you’ve seen a lot of toxic relationships, or grown up around abuse. It may be normal to you. But if it is, you may be dangerously blind to red flags that other people can see.

Your husband sounds like an arse and I’d probably raise my voice at him too.

I would feel very uneasy if I heard a couple shouting with a five month old baby. There is a difference between raising your voice in an argument and shouting so loud it causes concern for fellow hotel stayers

My partner criticizes me a lot: my clothes aren't good enough, my hair should be done differently when I'm about to walk out the door, they had a better bringing up than me and they want to remind me all the time and the latest is criticizing me to the baby. When there is an issue it's "mama doesn't care enough about your nappy does she, she'd much rather play on her phone". Where playing on my phone is actually booking the restaurant we will be eating at. Meanwhile he has read an entire book in the last 4 days. I have tried communicating this to him nicely, saying that when you say this to the baby, they will grow up to either treat others like this or accept this form of treatment. It seems that when I have the baby it's his time to enjoy doing nothing, but I never get that and get criticized constantly. There are no nice comments, if i say can't you say something nice about what I'm doing he says, "well you can't starve the baby" or "well you can't leave the baby filthy", to him what I'm doing is the bare minimum. So my shout was to tell him to stop criticizing me all the time

So, you have a shit life. Not good. But how on earth should this be the problem of someone laying on their bed relaxing, watching Netflix. Because you have a shitty life, it’s fine for it to impact them? It’s not.

Its not normal to shout at your partner...🤔
You would be worried for a baby if you heard mum shouting at her hubby... wow you've really over cooked this one. Op has explained it was nothing of any significance hence why she's annoyed.

Oh as if I was being serious.

Of course I don't shout at my cat, she's my baby. I adore her.

I did tell her off though because she genuinely was acting like a 2 year old and throwing a tantrum because I couldn't let her out at that exact time.

Believe me she gets so much love and affection.

I didn't shout at my partner as such, i did say I was sick of living like that.

It's not a "holiday" when babies/young children are involved, it's just a continuing headache of day to day childcare grind, just abroad.

Jeez, OP, sorry you've had such a hard time here. In many many many other cultures loud, raised, fiery voices and arguments are just part of life - not considered abuse or PND or requiring therapy. The UK is particularly repressed with any and all expression so not surprised at the pearl clutching hearing you dared raise your voice. Your DP sounds lazy, rude and entitled tbh, and forget yelling at him, I would consider leaving him when you feel able.

Babies cry, dogs bark, car engines rev, speakers play loud music, stag parties and hen parties and any kinda party is noisy, tv can be played loudly, some people shag loudly, glasses smash loudly when they fall on the floor - and people raise voices in frustration sometimes,. Unless it's a rural, silence retreat, anyone on holiday in a hotel that is child friendly will get used to some noise. It wasn't a prolonged argument, there was no one shouting for help and it was just part and parcel of life with a baby. You're all right - except for the DP problem.

Goodness me @holidaybliss your updates about him are awful - why on earth are you still with holidaying with this man?!

OP Don't worry about it in the slightest. Having a new baby is stressful and being on holiday with a 5 month old and a Husband that doesn't pull his weight is hell on earth. Ignore all the perfect people on here that have never raised their voice.

I think I would complain too. I'm not perfect by any stretch but I'm not paying ££££ to go on holiday to listen to other people arguing.

Having a baby doesn't really have anything to do with it. Having a complete twat of a husband does.

People who are emotionally incontinent are unable to have effective, grown-up communication.

Everyone is so perfect on mumsnet and have never shouted what absolute bollocks

You shouted someone overheard and the manager has acknowledged it was overheard just ignore and move on.

Enjoy the rest of your holiday

Everyone is so perfect on mumsnet and have never shouted what absolute bollocks
Most people are aware of their surroundings and wouldn't be shouting in a hotel room. It's common sense to know people can here you.

I couldn’t care less about the shouting OP . Definitely shouted at DH of 18 years though not very often . What is very clear is that your partner really isn’t very nice to you and you are not happy . Has he always been this selfish and unpleasant or is it post baby ?