Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Just have lunch late?

OMG the saint brigade who admittedly never ever raised their voice at the partner out again

such BS

What a very good time for your partner to learn how to look after the baby, and for the baby to learn that other people besides you can look after him/her.

They are lying - to us or to themselves

To be fair, Hamsters are tricky. Ours escaped from a £70 Hamster Heaven cage - the bastard! Caught him after a couple of days with the lure of some lettuce.

I feel for you, I really do. I've only read your posts. Yes, it does sound like a neighbouring guest has said something, but it sounds like the manager was hoping to put you at ease.

Either way, don't let it wind you up when you're trying to relax.

I hope you have a more chilled stay, and... Don't get a hamster! Congrats on baby too.

Report your neighbours for judging too loudly.

That’s mumsnet for you. I have never met a more perfect set of women in my whole life.

This seems to be drifting off topic. @holidaybliss got a strong reaction from hotel staff re a shouting argument. There was shouting. Shouting isn't normal for lots of people.

Going on a trip with a baby/small child is just being equally exhausted in a more scenic location. I got home today from three days out with my family and went straight to bed!
DH needs to pull his weight. You probably shouldn’t shout, though nobody is quite themselves when dealing with sleep deprivation. But I actually doubt anyone reported you at all unless the hotel manager dropped some very heavy handed hints that he wasn’t just making conversation.

To be honest I’ve never argued with my partner so I’m not sure what you mean by “normal couples argument”. Have you ever had a job? How do you deal with a disagreement at work - surely you don’t jump to having an argument, you put your point across respectfully. It’s no different with your partner. You really do seem to be minimising shouting matches which makes it seem like this is a normal occurrence for you.

Of it was the OP’s partner shouting at her in a public building and someone had reported him I am sure everyone would be saying ‘they were looking out for you’ and sympathizing. But because it’s a woman yelling she gets away with it?

I shouted at my Dh when my first born was tiny, really tiny like a month or so old. I remember him clinging to me like a little monkey and my Dh saying "why don't you give the baby to me" and me not liking that at all.

Having babies is hard, tiring, hormonally chaotic. Its not easy and there's no 100% right way to do anything.

I hope you're ok op. That things have settled down. One of the things I worked out when I had babies was I had to share with my DH in terms of time to rest, time to clean stuff up, time to do active parenting and time to take naps. It really helps.

I agree with the few posters on here that losing temper/raising your voice or even shouting is normal because we are human. Babies or no babies. Yes, may be not pleasant for other guests in the hotel room

YABU. It’s a hotel. The person/people in room next to you were probably kicking back on their bed watching Netflix on phones or pay TV on hotel tele and had to pause it when you kicked off. Either they were pissed off at being disturbed and rang down to see if someone could come tell you to knock it off do they could Netflix in peace, or they were worried your DH was abusing you to make you kick off and rang down to alert. Either way, the people in the room next to you were not the arseholes in this situation.

I think a lot of the varied replies depend on what people class as “shouting” or not.

I quite often raise my voice in frustration at my partner for minor incidents like the fact we have a mat by the front door to take our shoes off and he will step over it and then take his shoes off, or he’ll use lots of different glasses instead of refilling the same one and leave them NEXT to the dishwasher, or even (and this REALLY PISSES ME OFF) he takes his socks off and balls them up and puts them on top of the laundry basket instead of in it.

I sometimes wonder what kind of psychopath he is and how I’ve managed 10 years of it!

In these occasions I mostly tut passive aggressively and bang things around so he knows I’m annoyed. If there are other stresses going on or I’m annoyed about something else then I might “shout” at him. This usually involves something along the lines of “I’m not your mother and if you don’t put those socks in the basket you are HAVING THEM FOR YOUR TEA!”

There is no menace behind it, just frustration and he usually apologises.

Occasionally this might lead to a bigger argument about how I feel taken for granted having to pick up his socks and wash them, he will of course get defensive and maybe throw some of my bad habits in the mix. It’s usually a few minutes of raised voices and then I storm off and sit in the kitchen sulking and we both apologise.

I would think a lot of people on this thread can identify with this and recognise similar behaviour. To an outsider heating heated raised voices it’d probably be described as us “shouting at each other”

I guess some people are picturing a different scenario with shouting and swearing and genuine rage instead of a normal petty argument.

Realistically none should be done in a hotel room and I said on a previous post I’d be pissed off if I heard it, it depends on context if I’d actually report it.

I’m just taken aback at the responses by people who are convinced they never argue or raise voices, if that is genuinely the case then you must have a really incredible relationship, a lot of pent up rage or are completely unaware when you do “shout” I’m guessing the 3rd option.

People go to hotels to relax, not to listen to screaming babies, and in that rare quiet moment when the baby is in creche, perhaps when the guest in the room next door was having a nap, a woman shouting at her partner.

OP said she was shouting, so one has to assume she was. The guest has complained - and why shouldn't they? - and management have been kind. What is the problem? OP seems indignant that someone complained.

No shouting is not normal, arguing is normal but most don't shout loud enough to concern someone else on holiday or anywhere.

DH and I have a great relationship but we occasionally shout in frustration. We certainly did when stressed with a young baby. Try to put it behind you and see it as the hotel staff just checking that everyone’s okay. Holidays with babies can be really hard - they’re lovely when DC get older though!

Wowzers! Over the top comment.

The OP is defensive because Mumsnet is having a good old fashioned pile on.

Me and dh have argue yes If gets heated walk away and take 5 we wouldn't raise our voices to the point where staff and hotel guests was hearing it how embarrassing and people who paid aswell

You also don't sound like your coping when you mention yes a 2 hour creche makes up for getting no sleep at night baby's do this unfortunately I would be having a chat with my dh about sharing the nights with baby aswell if baby isn't sleeping well maybe you need a break op aswell sounds like you was offloading on your partner aswell 🤷‍♀️

Hey OP, I can completely sympathise.

You sound exhausted from the stress of preparing for the holiday and your partner not pulling his weight.

What's done is done, the hotel have done a bit of a welfare check, but nobody is hurt and now you can enjoy your holiday.

Instead of spending lots of time getting pent up and responding to these comments (which whilst doing so, I can imagine are causing you to continue to feel pretty rubbish), why not head off and enjoy the remainder of your holiday.

The first few months can be brutal and you just sound like a very very tired mum to me, who needs a break.

To shout is so inconsiderate of other, paying, guests.

To shout at your spouse at any time is not kind, and not respectful - unless you are warning of impending danger, barracking together at the football or cheering partner on in a race.

Mean shouting is unsettling and smells of abuse.

Hoteliers were right to be cautious of you and worried for their other guests.

As a more general comment, the attitude of some mumsnet posters is absolutely apalling. Can some people not see a woman here who's recently had a baby, struggling with a severe lack of sleep, not receiving assistance, and being backed into a corner here and understandably becoming defensive at posters nitpicking and arguing with her.

This forum was no doubt created as a support for women, and nobody seems to be given any grace for any mistakes, or empathy for somebody in her position. Yes next door neighbours deserve a quiet holiday here etc but goodness me that's so far down the list of what's important here, and they're not impacted long term.

This site has become a scary place for people seeking help when theyre in a vulnerable time in life.

Since when does not shouting at your partner mean that you’re a perfect emotionless person who never gets annoyed? I get pissed off, annoyed, riled, frustrated regularly by people in my life, I just didn’t choose to marry/have kids with any of them. And I do get mildly annoyed by my partner occasionally (like once every 2 years maybe) but don’t think I’ve ever felt the need to shout. Pretty simple!

Two points. It's not normal to shout at eachother. They're on holiday, they don't want to hear shouting.

There are several comments about how I should have come on the thread saying how I shouted and feel awful and how bad I should feel for someone in a nearby room to hear this on their holiday. But I don't. My partner criticizes me a lot: my clothes aren't good enough, my hair should be done differently when I'm about to walk out the door, they had a better bringing up than me and they want to remind me all the time and the latest is criticizing me to the baby. When there is an issue it's "mama doesn't care enough about your nappy does she, she'd much rather play on her phone". Where playing on my phone is actually booking the restaurant we will be eating at. Meanwhile he has read an entire book in the last 4 days. I have tried communicating this to him nicely, saying that when you say this to the baby, they will grow up to either treat others like this or accept this form of treatment. It seems that when I have the baby it's his time to enjoy doing nothing, but I never get that and get criticized constantly. There are no nice comments, if i say can't you say something nice about what I'm doing he says, "well you can't starve the baby" or "well you can't leave the baby filthy", to him what I'm doing is the bare minimum. So my shout was to tell him to stop criticizing me all the time.

All the people that have perfect partners and have never shouted can move along, I can't snap my fingers and be in a different situation. And I couldn't care less about how this 5 minute argument apprently ruined someone's holiday but apparently it's blissful to hear loud music pumping out by the pool and all night. I'm not in some kind of silence retreat.