Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

Talking on the balcony could be even more annoying! I am not getting the impression that the OP has much common sense.

I was asleep in a hotel room in Hamburg years ago when I was woken around 2 or 3am by the sound of a baby crying in the next room and then I heard the mother singing quietly to the baby and then I heard the father shout, a terrible thud, the mother scream and so on. It was one of the worst things I've ever witnessed. The next morning there was a doctor in the breakfast room looking for the mother and child to check them over. Sometimes very bad shit happens. They were looking out for your child, as they should.

I shouted at my man earlier because he is a scruff and it's like living with a teenager.

I shouted at my MIL for raising her son to be a lazy sod and for not standing up for herself by doing all the house work and raising 4 kids as well as working full time so now my partner thinks he can act like his Dad.

Then I shouted at my cat because she's been throwing tantrums all day and climbing all over me when I'm trying to minute meetings.

Next I shouted at a car infront of me because going too slow.

I'm very hormonal today.

We've argued on hol before. It's normal esp with a new baby.

Enjoy the rest of your hol x

Jeez … little empathy here for OP. It seems that many posters never raise their voices and are perfect. I think OP is more the norm. Babies can be trying. Husbands can be next to useless.

I agree with this.

Well done, your medal is in the post.

@holidaybliss you just want people to agree with you. What's the point in asking if YABU?

A near exact the Kick the Cat effect then. Does anyone you shout at change their ways for you?

Same. I can't think of the last time I shouted at another adult. It was probably my mother when I was a moody teen. I've never shouted at my husband, or at a friend, or at a colleague/boss etc. (And God help any of them if they decide to speak to me in such a disrespectful way.) That's not to say there aren't arguments, but arguments don't result in shouting or any kind of aggression. It's just the way I am wired, I guess. It's not a superiority thing. I figured everyone was like this, but obviously not. It just goes to show that there is no such thing as "normal" for relationships.

I'm shocked how many people have never shouted at their other halves.

Anger doesn't have to mean shouting.

I get angry at my partner but I don't shout at him. He's not hard of hearing or at the other end of a football pitch. Nor am I 4 and unable to emotionally regulate. We talk at a normal volume and express our anger perfectly fine that way.

If he shouted at me I'd be scared as I had a childhood with a lot of shouting. There's no need. You seem annoyed at the concern of others? In my opinion people don't step in enough when there might be danger or harm.

I think holidays with babies can be stressful. My kids are older now but I remember how exhausting it could be…

Obviously shouting around a baby is regrettable, but all the people saying they and their partners have never raised their voices at each other 10plus years of being together?! Really? I am close friends enough to several couples to think this is unlikely!

Well, aren't you a charmer!

At least now you know that when you go on holiday your DH will behave exactly the same way that he does at home! Don't expect him to suddenly become competent just because you're in a different country.

I think with balcony doors open your heated discussion will have been louder then you thought, so just bear that in mind if you're going to carry on having disagreements.. just go and shut the door first at least, or try and shelve your frustrations and concentrate on the good bits of the holiday until you get home then hit him hard about stepping up, if he doesn't do it now he never will.

Oh god we shout all the time…. I’m tired, he’s tired etc but we haven’t gone away yet as I really can’t see how doing the whole baby thing away from home is any better/easier than at home but while paying for the privilege to get stressed!

We did one night away for my best friends little girls first birthday and never again until she’s older!

I hope the rest of your holiday is better!!

At one point you got annoyed, you say. And yet in your OP you say you "shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc)." So, a fair amount. It was enough shouting another guest was alarmed, and perhaps the entire argument was not, as you believe, at such a normal volume after all.

Given how agrumentative, aggressive, passive-aggressive, and snarky you've been with almost every one of your responses on this thread, I am inclined to think the guest was right to be alarmed. At the very least, you should have some consideration for the fact you are in a hotel, not your own shack, and disturbing the other guests who are hoping to relax, not witness your domestics.

👎🏻🤣

Christ on a bike You’re irritable!

yes I know you’ve a baby, quite a lot of people do or have had one or multiple children - doesn’t mean to say we can snap and be rude to everyone. Chill out.

From a very tired, cantankerous, occasionally short tempered and shouty old witch

Well well well, yet another who can cheerfully give it out but doesnt like taking it back.

I'll quite happily take it back; I'm reading your posts in mild amusement.

You seem quite angry though. Are you unwell? (Or perhaps a native of Torquay).

Get some help, because treating people and animals like that and laughing it off as normal is concerning. If it was a man that was verbally abusive it would be a different story. I know, I grew up being the child of one.

@potato57 yeah the poor cat especially, just wants some fuss and attention and gets yelled at for being affectionate 😥

I thought I was highly strung...

People in the neighbouring rooms would not have known that.

No, mate, you don't know anything about the person who complained. They could have a personal history of domestic abuse and be alarmed by the sound of a couple having an intense row, scared for you or DH. They could be a timid little thing who's terrified by angry voices. Every year a couple of dozen Brits die on holiday by falling from a balcony, and it often turns out they weren't getting along with their partner.

Equally, as we don't know them, they might just have wanted to be moved away from a relatively noisy family. No-one knows, but there's little point in assuming malice at every turn.

You do sound incredibly stressed (understandably) and it doesn't help that half of Mumsnet wants to show off about their peacefully egalitarian relationships! I really hope you can kick back somewhere calm, with some wine, and then get a half decent sleep.

I also really hope you get some more support with DC, wherever you find it.

I don't think anyone suggests that no-one ever loses their temper. However, most people would try to avoid shouting because it achieves little or nothing; and especially they would try to avoid it when they know that others can hear and be disturbed by it.