Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

I tend to be more emotionally invested when it comes to dh over a colleague.

They have a 5 month old, they are on holiday. I’m not shocked they’ve gotten pissed off with each other and raised their voices.

Perhaps you should sleep/rest instead of fighting with strangers on the internet. If it was a non-issue, as you seem to say in your last comments, why are you wasting precious time here.

There is a reason why sleep deprivation is a form of torture. Everything is difficult when you are exhausted.

Honestly, who cares who heard you shouting. It happened, move on. The matter that needs addressing is your DH and his lack of capability. He doesn’t get to opt out from being a competent parent. Use this holiday to start addressing this now. You aren’t superwoman, he needs to step up now, before you return to work from maternity leave.

When you say he is less than capable, is he leaving everything to you? Is he lazy or lacking in confidence?

This holiday is the ideal time for him to step up. Don’t ask him to get involved, tell him you need a nap and he is on duty.

OP your partner sounds like a complete arsehole. I wouldn’t worry about the hotel manager checking in on you. Sounds like they were sensitive and polite. Your twatty, rude partner is your problem ! He sounds intolerable

@holidaybliss gosh, your partner sounds like a wet lettuce. Why is he so limited in what he can do? Is it a matter of won't rather than can't?

Was he like this before you got pregnant?

While I have never raised my voice to DH I have complained and bickered, but I have a quiet voice that doesn't carry, and no-one outside a hotel room would have heard me being cross.

The people who complained won't have known that you didn't have the baby in the room with you, so it sounds like they were concerned about the baby.

From your last post your partner sounds awful. Its his child too. With sleep deprivation and a partner acting like that I would snap as well.

I would be embarrassed about the hotel checking in but I think they are doing the right thing. It sounds like they have been there themselves and are trying to make you realise it's normal and you're not the only person who would be stressed in this situation.

I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday with baby (despite useless DP).

People on mumsnet just love to disagree with the OP. If the person who reported had done the reverse post, everyone would probably say give them the benefit of the doubt, they’re probably exhausted with a new baby and just having a bit of bicker. Mind your own business etc.

Ok you’re clearly in a very bad place right now. Angry, resentful. It is hard to tell if this is sleep deprivation or you’re in a terrible marriage as you are making out. You need some time alone to think about that. At home do you have any respite? Child care of any form?

That’s rubbish not being able to go on holiday when you are back at work.

I’m sorry OP, your husband sounds like he’s being an absolute dick.
I hope you both get some rest and to enjoy the holiday…. But the way he’s speaking to you isn’t right.

@RampantIvy he has a hernia and says he is uncomfortable in whatever position is required, if changing a nappy, it's standing he can't do, if the baby needs changing or a bottle, it's sitting he can't do. He fobbed me off until march saying he must wait for an appointment, I thought this was because he would have the surgery with them, but he waited until after the appointment to tell me he had no intention of having surgery with them, he wanted to see what they would say. If I knew this I would have paid for the appointment privately much earlier. He now insists he should have surgery with a different surgeon who he saw in July last year. He is going to have the surgery the week I go back to work, which puts a huge amount of pressure on me. Meanwhile I had a traumatic birth with a tear and somehow managed to be in hospital with the baby for 2 weeks when they were unwell and muddled through it.

nobody likes to hearing rowing people

YABU. I’ve reported noisy hotel guests before. Get off MN, have a proper discussion with your husband and enjoy your holiday. What activities do you need to do with a baby, just chill out, especially if they go to a crèche for 2 hours

Classic AIBU thread.

OP: AIBU?
Replies: yes
OP: no I’m not and I don’t care what any of you think

🙄

Judging by your responses including to me which aren't nice I think you probably need to talk to the doctor. You don't sound well and very stressed. You dp should be doing his fair share. Have you thought you might have pnd. Please talk to someone to real life. You need to rest rather than argue with random people on the Internet. I don't think you realized how loud your argument was and can see why others staying near by were worried. Lack of sleep is awful. I remember it well. You are worrying unnecessarily about things. If you forget something shops nearby do sell them. I hope you got some sleep and today is better

OP, ignore the Perfect Pattys, I guarantee they have ALL shouted at their partners.

Your husband is a lazy, manipulative shit. Do you even want to be with him?

Don’t speak for others, many think she is not BU.

I think this is basically it Op, the neighbours in the hotel couldn’t care less about why or how you guys ended up arguing and can maybe not even make out the actual words you were shouting, so the fact you’re a “tired first time mum” or whatever is irrelevant.

The fact is they just don’t want to hear arguments and perhaps you were louder than you thought and/or they wanted to nip the behaviour in the bud before it escalates.

They were not BU to report you at all. Be more aware of your surroundings next time you have a disagreement.

Close the balcony door/windows , lower your voice, have some consideration for those near you trying to relax and enjoy their holiday.

OP, please don't plough your energy into these negative comments, internet spats never go well, and there's so much going on your end, it will completely spoil your holiday 😘

If it was just a brief shouting incident they may have reported for disruption rather than DA type concerns.

Your DH sounds like a wind up I’m sorry. And yes, so long as it isn’t prolonged and ongoing some people do shout from time to time so I’m not sure why people on here are acting as though they never have; but people tend not to in a hotel where others can be disturbed, especially with doors open.

It’s possible you felt guilty and linked the maid and the manager comment. How would he have known it was about the baby?

Op I guarantee everyone who has commented saying "I would never shout at my OP" has! I am extremely laid back. Too laid back actually & of course me and DH have had arguments with raised voices. Glad you're OK

Depends how bad you were shouting and what you said but I think reporting someone for brief shouting is a bit rediculous.

If isn't healthy though. How normal it I think depends on how normalised it was when you were growing up. But I think reporting shouting unless it was particularly vicious is really ott.

This thread is an absolute disgrace. I’m so sorry OP that you’ve been set upon like this at a stressful time in your life.

The first couple of posters set the tone, and, as often happens, the sheep followed and enjoyed the pile on.

Normally on MN, a lazy partner gets it in the neck. For some reason, the first poster deemed shouting a worse crime than being a feckless selfish husband, so here we are.

My husband and I are not shouters generally but we’ve certainly lost our tempers with each other on occasion. I’m pretty sure an occasional shout in frustration is normal at a stressful time.

Please try to ignore the nastiness.

I'm team OP - this thread seems to think its on Mensnet not Mumsnet.

Woman is exhausted due to lack of sleep, new baby, away from home and most of all - useless fucker whining at her all the time. Gets frustrated with it all.

Mumsnet: I was perfect 1950s wifey and never raised my voice to The Man.

OP: - holidays with small children are best kept as simple as possible and are not always worth it frankly, especially if said fucker doesn't pull their weight. You have a DH problem not a hotel problem.

The real problem you need to work out is what to do about the big child, not the tiny child.