Hotel guest appears to have reported me

[holidaybliss]

Currently on holiday with our 5 month old baby, DH had annoyed me and I'd shouted at him, the usual stuff, first holiday with a baby and I feel I am doing a lot of the work (planning activities, childcare, etc). It was brief and nothing to write home about. The maid arrived shortly after at a very unusual time and the hotel manager came up to us at dinner and said how when he and his wife argue it's always about their children. I got the impression that both these events happened because someone in an adjacent room must have reported me to the hotel.

Am I being unreasonable to feel this is unnecessary? It's not exactly like things were being thrown / someone was unsafe, I don't think it's a rare occurrence for a tired mother of a baby on their first holiday to get irritated at their partner.

This thread is wild and I can’t take these replies in good faith. What ghastly bullshit from most of the posters. You’ve done well OP to keep your cool on here, I hope you’re having a lovely evening

OP is on holiday in the REAL world! Not mumsnet world where everything is all fluffy and perfect and unicorns are flying past the windows….

It is very normal to have a row and shout (aka raise your voice in an argument.)

I simply don't believe posters who say they have never shouted at their partner.

Doing it in your own house is one thing but doing it when it affects other people in a hotel room - no.

@holidaybliss jeez OP, sorry this has taken such a turn. I wouldn’t do anything with a short, one sentence raised voice. My DH and I would probably look at each other and reminisce how hard having a baby was.

Your comment ‘My partner is very limited with what he can do, any issue and the baby is passed straight to me’ really struck home with me. My DH was the same with our first born and it was soul destroying for me. I was exhausted by 6 months and really broken. I had a needy baby and feeding issues, which made him lose his confidence and we spiralled a bit. All was recovered and second DC was very different, but I remember feeling utterly terribly at the point you’re at now. Nothing more challenging for a marriage. Sending strength and an absolute promise it gets much easier in time.

Again - No one is saying they don’t argue with their other half’s, it’s the lack of respect for other hotel guests on holiday that is the issue here.

Also if you have a 5 month old baby and an unsupportive husband then why an earth would you think this would be a great holiday idea?

Yeh… I also go on holiday in the REAL world and I don’t hear couples arguing around me to the point I feel like I need to report them to the hotel staff.. what’s your point?
Are you one of those that likes to argue in public and normalise it so it makes you feel better.

Hiya OP.

You have referenced your husband being unhelpful and critical.

Did you want to talk this aspect through? Perhaps on a new thread as this one has gone so Pete Tong.

@Gogogowall

Your reply to me seems to have been deleted for breaking MN guidelines. Sorry I missed that

They’re probably checking you are ok op. I’m sorry your partner is shit, I agree they should be much more useful than he sounds. Are you rethinking the whole relationship? What does he do? Can you send him off with baby for an hour and a half walk and coffee while you nap? I’ve been very tired on holidays with a baby too.

There are two issues here

1 Do you ever shout at your partner?

2 Is it right to disturb other people in adjoining hotel rooms.

We've no idea of the tolerance level of the people who supposedly reported the OP.

Hotels are noisy.
I've been kept awake by couples having noisy sex, couples shouting (not necessarily rowing) TVs blasting gone midnight, drunken couples coming out of the lifts and waking me late at night, and doors banging.

That's hotels for you.

Hi OP, a few things. I am pleased to hear they were checking up on you, safeguarding and all that.

After reading your follow up comments I think a holiday with a baby was too soon. I would not go on another with baby and partner until the tiring first year is over. No-one can truly relax and the rhythm isn't there for it to feel easy and chilled especially if DP is proving themselves useless to the point of needing to shout at them. For some people and families it all just clicks, for others, the first couple of years is ratty and tiring.

Forget this break and chalk it down to experience and a lesson learned. Of course we raise our voices and shout sometimes, it's normal to feel tired and fed up with a baby. The hotel staff and neighbours were NBU!

Sounds very similar to every shouting incident I have had....starts very civil and ends with a "I AM JUST ABSOLUTELY SICK OF DOING EVERYTHING!!! WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU PULL YOUR WEIGHT FOR A CHANGE?!" shortly followed by "NO YOU DONT!!! CHANGING THE ODD NAPPY IS NOT YOU PULLING YOUR WEIGHT!" followed even more shortly by "NO, I AM GOING TO (insert destination of choice)BECAUSE I WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE" and slamming the door.

And this was yes, occasionally, infront of the kids.

As a victim of physical abuse as a child and an adult, this is not it. Kids learning that adults fall out too is not a bad thing, as long as it really is an argument followed by a make up followed by a "sorry, mum and dad fall out too sometimes, like you do with your friends".

Just wanted to send some sympathy OP, know how frazzling it can be to be on holiday with a baby. You needed a break too and it's very much the opposite of a break! I'm not buying all this suck it up, never raise your voice or be unhappy about doing everything. This isn't the 50s, you're away and your DH needs to step up and help out. If he's not then you should tell him.
How people operating on phenomenal sleep deprivation have never raised their voice - well that is very impressive. Maybe their DH are all incredible and pulling their weight?

This thread is absolutely bonkers! Yes it’s completely normal to shout at your partner when you’re overwhelmed and over stimulated. The first year of having a baby is the worst on you as a couple finding your feet and there can be so much resentment when you do everything for the baby.

Your husband sounds useless ☹️

This thread is wild. OP I would assume that any intervention from the hotel was meant kindly. Unless your neighbours/staff had a glass to the wall they probably didn’t hear the detail of your argument. Maybe they don’t even speak English. They just heard a woman’s raised voice and were concerned for her safety. That’s not exactly a crazy leap sadly.

Holidays with a baby can be harder than being at home. Some babies don’t enjoy the change in routine. And some husbands are selfish arseholes. You don’t have to put up with that.

It really interests me that there are posters who simply don’t believe that some
people don’t shout at their partners.

Sounds very much like he thought the holiday would be like it was pre kids and he could just kick back do fuck all, as could you. Except now you have a child and that means that he cant be utterly selfish anymore but he doesnt want that. He wants his holiday to mean he does nothing. I strongly suspect that he does fuck all for the baby when you are at home too, as you are on maternity leave so a classic case of your life turning upside down and his life not changing one jot. In fact its better because you do all the home based work that previously you shared. He has got comfy and lazy.

Frankly a few raised words is the least of what he needs. A fucking great row followed by your fucking off for a couple of days alone so he actually grasps the reality of being a parent is what he could really do with.

Nip this shit in the bud now, because if you dont by the the time you go back to work, you will be doing all you do now AND work AND make your job work around your child and his job. NO NO NO. THIS SHIT STOPS NOW.

This site is absolutely ridiculous sometimes. Of course it’s not abusive to raise your voice a bit in frustration! Of course it won’t harm your baby! And all the nasty wee buggers falling over themselves to kick op when she’s down are just pathetic.

Op, my second baby is a month old and I can tell you voices have been raised a good few times, just as they were when my first was tiny. Having a little baby is stressful as fuck, and if one parent isn’t pulling their weight then honestly they deserve to be shouted at imo!

Me too.

Yes quite…….

I think it was their way of letting you know that you were heard shouting. Personally it pisses me off when people in adjacent rooms have loud marital rows when I’m on holiday/staying in a hotel. It doesn’t happen in my home and I certainly don’t expect for my children or myself to listen to others doing it.

(Just to add, of course my DH and I argue, but we don’t yell at each other in hotels rooms or anywhere where we could be overheard - a)because our business is private and b) because it’s unfair on others to be made to be a party to our domestic rows.)

Sorry OP. All couples shout at each other at one time or another. Particularly in stressful situations. I don't know where all these perfect couples who never shout live but I've never met one. It may have been a coincidence anyway, with the staff. Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday and forget about it. Also get your DH to do his share of baby-mminding by going to the pool without them both. Works a treat.