To think most women on here hate men

[Tanyahawkes]

Sorry for the rant but I’m noticing a pattern on mn, any post involving a man and a disagreement results in multiple calls of he’s a narcissist, he’s abusing, he’s controlling, leave the bastard!

I’ll admit that a list of posts do involve behaviour that is not nice from dh and dp. So many posts also can be interpreted in many ways too, I just feel like a large number of women jump to the worst conclusion first about a strangers partner, having only one side of a story told in a short version.

for anyone misunderstanding me, if a post says the partner is hurting physically, calling names, cheating, putting the op down, then yes I agree, ltb (so long as the post is true) it’s when a post says “great relationship, today partner upset me and we couldn’t see eye to eye” and everyone calls the poor guy a narcissist etc

Men, males, blokes, there are lots of words I use regarding the opposite sex, again I see no wrong but if this offensive I apologise again

'Men' are adult male humans. 'Females' could be dogs, baboons or trees. Using the word females is literally dehumanising.

And don't apologise if you say you see no wrong. It's a 'sorry not sorry'.

I think after a while of seeing the anger against men on mn you realise the horror story of the alternate reality some posters live in though, as in if myself and dh have a fight a few minutes later we’ll generally go ‘sorry I was a bit ridiculous’ nearly at the same time and then have a proper talk.

Some people have an argument with their dh and they’re physically abused or threatened or told they’re unspeakable things.

Some couples abuse each other and don’t realise there’s something wrong.

It took me a while on mn to realise I was seeing things through a ‘we can work this out together’ bubble as opposed to the posters that jump in and tell the poster their dh is a c word and to get out of there, while the rest of us are saying’but all he said was …’ It’s because when the same thing happened to them it was in a different scenario

I think everyone on MN seems to hate everyone.

There’s a heck of a lot of bitter ladies on MN, many having endured rough relationships with men hence the lack of empathy or patience towards them. Plenty of women haters too. It’s a great space to take out your frustrations in life on strangers.

I don't hate men per se but I am surrounded by terrible examples. The one I live with is a lazy , sometimes abusive, dickhead. My dad is a controlling ex DV selfish narcissist. My brother is an addict with no money. Even my oldest best male friend is pushing 40, still single and hankers after 20 year olds. I know a lot of twatty men that my friends and acquaintances are partnered up with. Reading Mumsnet also makes me despair of mankind.

It's strange as when I was younger I generally enjoyed the company of men more. Do they start off nice and become knobheads as they get older?!

I've been on MN for years and part from the plainly funny ones, have never seen a LTB that wasn't the right thing to do. Not an easy thing to do, but the right thing.

I'm finding it hard to believe the OP hasn't thought that things get posted because they are problems, often of long-standing and by virtue of the internet, you only ever get to hear one side of it.

Actually, I'm not finding it hard to believe; a thread like this gets posted very few months as if dredging some priceless insight out of the murk.

The misandry on here is rife and I find it frightening that so many of these man hater types are raising sons. Don't get me wrong, there are men out there that hate women too but since your post is about women hating men on MN - I agree, it's over the top.

I think to some extent we as women are responsible for the poor behaviour of men in terms of sharing the load (both mental and otherwise).
If we didn't just "accept" it then it men wouldn't get away with it so much.
On the other hand, it has to be genuinely shared. I pesonally don't think, for example, that someone who doesn't work at all but whose kids are in school is fairly sharing the load with a ft working partner.
Equality just that.

I’ve never seen a thread like mine, so obviously if they happen every now and then fair enough. Of course I’ve thought that usually it’s a culmination of events that’s leads to someone posting on here for advice, support and getting it out there too, because we all know once it’s verbalised you do feel that slight touch of relief at having said what’s on your mind. I however have been of the belief that sometimes (probably only 1-2%) someone thinks about an incident/ argument and reflects, “was I wrong? Was my partner wrong” and those very few times they post to get perspectives, in those few (and I mean few) times people still see red flags where maybe it’s not as they think, I’ve even read a thread about 10 min ago where one woman said she knew she was in the wrong, she had reacted badly and said her partner is lovely, there was no drip feed of other instances from him towards her, she maintained every post that her partner is lovely, so many people tried to convince the woman her partner was abusing her, a few women stuck up for the op saying they didn’t see abuse, maybe a touch of not thinking properly, but no abuse in their opinion. This is the type of thing I meant, and did not intend to start a mums net war, just maybe hoped that people may see my point, that not every post warrants ltb (most do, I know this)

I think you may get slated here for saying that women enable their partners bad behaviour by putting up with it, I can see what you are trying to say, however that won’t go down well in this thread.
and no I agree, a ft parent isn’t doing equal if they get 6hours mon to fri break from the kids, not if other parent is working full time and then obviously we expect them to pitch in when they are home from work too

I think it's the ones who minimise and explain away men's poor behaviour who you should be worried about, if they're raising boys (or girls for that matter).

@Tanyahawkes can you link us to this latest example you're using to back yourself up? I'm wondering if you've completely misrepresented that one too.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5070235-ive-been-a-bitch

@Tanyahawkes Maybe, but that's my opinion. Men only get away with so little in a relationship if women put up with it and/or justify it.

I fully appreciate your opinion, not saying it is black and white, sometimes as one other poster said about the boiling frog analogy, sometimes is built over time and subtle, then it’s hard to stand up for your rights. It’s hard in my opinion early days to tell a “red flag” from an off day or week, then once you’ve put up with something once or twice, it’s harder to speak up and say “oi, I’m not accepting this”

The men in my life are lovely.

As they should be. Those of us with good men are lucky

I don't hate men....I have no feelings about them at all really.
But then again I'm ace so I don't exactly have a horse in this race!😆

Men often hate women. Violently and fatally. Compared to that I don't care how women talk about them.

This sounds like a 2 wrongs situation to me, and yes I know you are saying while some men are violent that means women aren’t as bad if they just talk bad about men, but still, 2 wrong don’t make a right.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Same.

"Won't someone think of the poor men!!!" vibes in here.

OP, I suggest you go read a male (🙂) dominated forum. See how the majority on those talk about women. Mumsnet is sugary sweet compared to their shit.

I don't hate men, but my eyes are wide open. I know they are very, very different from women and that many/most/all (take your pick) regard us as less than people.
Far too many of them secretly hate us (cf Greer). Patriarchy exists for a reason, it's not because they wish us well.
So, I am wary of these people, even the “good” ones.
Often the good ones can only keep the facade up for a limited amount of time/ until the woman wants something they don't/pregnancy or children/head gets turned/grass is greener.
I regard them as so different from me as to be practically a different species.

Aaaaand the inevitable cries of "misandry". Misogyny is violent, deadly and systemic. It's built in to religions and legal codes. It's false equivalence to talk as if women's fear and dislike of men is comparable.

So why is your thread title saying "most women here hate men"?