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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Put your frikking babies to bed!

1000 replies

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 08:28

I went for a very exclusive dinner Saturday night. I'd been looking forward to it for ages. £150 per head place, which is a huge splurge for us.

A family of 4 were seated next to us at their 7.45pm arrival. The (about) 3 yr old was 50% pacified. The (about) 9 month old in the high chair squawked for about 30 mins then fell asleep, looking very uncomfortable slumped over the side of the highchair.

If their noise wasn't bad enough, I could hear another child crying in another part of the restaurant for about an hour. That child's noise got louder as they were pushed in their pram crossing the restaurant to leave around 9pm. I commented and gestured to my partner. I wasn't as subtle as I thought in this, as the mum looked cross, waved her arm at me and mouthed fuck off.

When my now adult children were that small, they were in bed by 7.30, unless there was an event like a wedding. We got babysitters for evening meals out...very rare as very hard to get babysitters. I would never have dreamt of taking my under 5s to quiet intimate adult spots, then letting them cry for the majority. For 1, I wouldn't have enjoyed my food and 2, neither would those around me.

There's a reason deliveroo exists. Use it. And stop being so frikking selfish. Babies need sleep, not fine dining.

OP posts:
MinnieMountain · 08/05/2024 08:33

I agree with you OP.

Morston Hall has one sitting and one menu. We took DS there for Sunday lunch for DH’s 40th when he was 4. No way would we take him for dinner even now he’s 10. We go to places like Pizza Express for supper.

CatamaranViper · 08/05/2024 08:35

notedbiscuits · 08/05/2024 07:26

Has there been a incident of a eatery staff member or another diner been injured by a kid who keeps running about?

I spent about 20 years of my life working in hospitality from waitress to manager. The only times I've been injured was at weddings or large events. Mass catering means plates sit in the gen oven or under heat lamps making the physical plate incredibly hot. We used to need 2 pairs of gloves. Kids running around between tables meaning I had to go the long way around and burn my hands. Or have a kid dash out and hit food spill down my front. Obviously trying not to get any on guests or the child meant I had to take the burns.

In normal restaurants I never had an issue navigating children.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/05/2024 08:37

@Sharptonguedwoman

I take the baby any day over wasp sucking intolerant arseholes. 😜

Sharptonguedwoman · 08/05/2024 08:53

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/05/2024 08:37

@Sharptonguedwoman

I take the baby any day over wasp sucking intolerant arseholes. 😜

Good for you. We are not all the same and I gave my opinion to which I am entitled and explained that any problem would lie with my DP. There are no right answers here, merely opinions.

mrsdineen2 · 08/05/2024 09:14

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/05/2024 08:24

You sound charming ( not)

I can only assume you don’t have a job and your kid will never have to get up for school so you can continue this utter madness.

if your kid was wandering around a restaurant I’d ignore it and hope it went away. People were probably just being polite and you sound unbearable!

Well that's a mad assumption. Do you also assume that babies who don't eat solids will never do so? They'll always wear nappies? They'll never walk?

Or do you think maybe things evolve as they reach different stages and their needs change?

CatamaranViper · 08/05/2024 09:20

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/05/2024 08:24

You sound charming ( not)

I can only assume you don’t have a job and your kid will never have to get up for school so you can continue this utter madness.

if your kid was wandering around a restaurant I’d ignore it and hope it went away. People were probably just being polite and you sound unbearable!

What is it with people on this thread referring to children as 'it', 'brats' and 'offspring'?
Children are people FFS.

Robinni · 08/05/2024 09:34

Plsdiscuss · 07/05/2024 21:28

Apologies for the length and disjointed nature of my post, but there's many posts since I last read the thread:

I didn't "waste a decade" with early nights when my kids were little @user0224 I got babysitters when I could, or went out with friends while dad stayed in, or got takeaways, or did our family meals out at lunch time. It's not rocket science. It's being considerate of your child's needs and being a member of the wider society.

I'm regretting not telling parents to parent better on Saturday @MissScarletInTheBallroom

@Robinni🤦

If you can afford £150 per head, you can afford a babysitter for the night.

Why does their "one off" trump my long desired and waited for night out @BeeDavis ? How about my circumstances @anicecuppateaa @Brainded @Cruzey ? How do you know this wasn't a one off for me? My first night out in over a year? Or other diners in the restaurant?

@bloodyplumbing I'd been looking forward to my meal out for so long, there's no way 4 feckless parents were going to ruin it. I enjoyed the meal AND got frustrated with CF parents not parenting. Both happened together 😉

@SweetcornFritter Thank you for being considerate to those around you. I get you were hungry. I hope you managed to get a decent JustEat.

People can put their children to bed anytime they want. I don't care. Just don't bring them to a fine dining restaurant for their wind down before bed time. It's really simple.

I didn't think I'd have to check if my restaurant was child free either @Mt563 Seems I'm in the wrong there. I wish you luck as you run the gauntlet of your exclusive well earned treat🤞

I disagree a highchair means a restaurant wants to welcome children at 7.45. All Bar One cited above has highchairs at lunch, but it seems they have a policy to ban children later in the evening.

Of course, if they are screaming or crying we would take them outside until calm
There's the difference @pepperminticecream You crack on with doing you and yours, until it impacts on me and mine. These parents let the crying continue. Then it's not ok. And I will judge and talk to my partner about their feckless choices. Please read posts before commenting.

Those of you who have restaurants that specify child timings are in the minority imo. I've had a look and there's none near me. "Adults only restaurants" in Google gets me a very salubrious, erm, club, over an hour's drive away.

There may have been other children in the restaurant. I don't know, as I wasn't looking. The point is that if there were, their parents made sure the other diners weren't disturbed by them. Lots of you seem to be missing that point. Or the point that if you're a parent, your child's needs must come first. Leaving them slumped uncomfortably sleeping in a highchair, or having them communicating to you by screeching next to you, trying to show you they don't want to be there, so that YOU can have your fine dining experience is selfish to the core.

@Engaea That sweary mum significantly embarrassed herself. It made us giggle. I'm sad I missed @ttcat37 's posts. They also look quite embarrassing for them.

I am in full agreement @grumpynan .

We had an empty restaurant to ourselves three years ago @chaosmaker. Hell on earth. 6 members of staff for us 2 diners. The sommelier wanted to speak to us all night. Butted in on our conversations constantly. That was an awful experience. Be careful what you wish for!

I haven't forgotten what it's like to have young children @earther @JennyBeanR If one of my children decided to cry and scream when eating in a restaurant, whether McDonalds or high end, I know I chose to respect other diners when eating and to put my child's needs above mine. I wouldn't leave them crying for over an hour or slumped over the side of a highchair. I'd have least put that child on my lap to give them more comfort in their sleep and eaten one handed. It's what any parent should do. I loved dining out with my children when they were little... At the right time and the right place. Not disturbing others. That's the difference.

@loulo6098. That's completely the issue. A child who is fussing/tired to that extent is a child who needs to not be in a fine dining restaurant.

Becoming a parent means life changes. If you don't accept that, then I'm absolutely going to judge your parenting.

Those saying that "it's not like that on the continent"...I don't care. I'm not on the continent (with their longer evenings, their longer siestas and their warmer nights)

Point taken by those who are rightly saying the meal cost or location shouldn't make a difference. My children got the same treatment wherever we were when they were little. I stupidly expect other parents to care for their children and respect other diners like I used to when my children became squawky in a restaurant. Seems that's now more fool me. So many more selfish parents these days.

I've now rung this restaurant to enquire as to their policy. The staff member said it's not really a child place in the evening, but sometimes they have them. I told the staff member they need to decide if they do have them or not before I would make a booking. So they don't have a policy. I'd suggest they're relying on parental common sense. Which is dangerous, as one person's normal is another person's crazy.

I love wetherspoons for their national dog policy. All dogs are banned as the less well behaved ones ruin it for others. It seems like we're now getting to a point where businesses have to blanket decide if children are allowed in an establishment or not as the parents lacking common sense are ruining things for their other diners.

@Plsdiscuss

I couldn’t get to the end of your post.

All it sounds like is - I spent lots of money so I expected an ideal, tailored to me, experience.

Wrong. You didn’t pay for a private dining experience therefore the rest of the general public are entitled to attend.

Not that it matters, but some don’t have family near and they may not feel comfortable leaving their child with a stranger. I have never used a babysitter or anyone not family as one of my DC has asthma, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving them with someone inexperienced with them and administering their medication, that’s my choice.

The only person who ruined your night was you. If you had fixed ideas that you wanted a child free venue then you should have phoned to check in advance what time children are allowed in the restaurant to.

WittyBird · 08/05/2024 09:38

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/05/2024 08:24

You sound charming ( not)

I can only assume you don’t have a job and your kid will never have to get up for school so you can continue this utter madness.

if your kid was wandering around a restaurant I’d ignore it and hope it went away. People were probably just being polite and you sound unbearable!

She’s flying at school (top sets and sitting GCSE/ early), I have a high powered job and very very unlikely to ever cross your path. Thankfully.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/05/2024 09:40

WittyBird · 08/05/2024 09:38

She’s flying at school (top sets and sitting GCSE/ early), I have a high powered job and very very unlikely to ever cross your path. Thankfully.

Oh my god, just when I thought you couldn’t come across any worse. You’ve just outdone yourself! 🤣

WittyBird · 08/05/2024 09:40

its an absolute joy to be able to take her out of an evening (theatre, concerts etc) even on school nights. She knows how to behave because she’s always done it!

Marinade · 08/05/2024 09:41

Oranitle · 08/05/2024 07:50

No it’s not selfish, how ignorant are you? What is important is following a good bedtime routine, and they’re getting x amount of sleep. 9.30pm- 7.30am is no different to 7.30pm-5.30am. Lots of the world put their kids to bed at 9 or later, are they all selfish because they aren’t following your little self imposed rule that it must be 7? This is a very western (mostly British) idea, simply in my opinion, because parents want a break from their kids! i can assure you it is not superior to force them into bed at 7, have all the battles and upset that come with a too early bed time, then complain when they wake at 5. Much happier children go to bed at a suitable time for them, 7 might work for some children but for some it’s far too early. We find around 9 is much better for our children, we actually get to spend some quality time as a family, eating dinner together and not having to rush through bath time and bedtime stories. We can have time for lots of cuddles and to discuss our days. No idea how you would do that with bedtime at 7!
Just because people do things different to you, it does not make them wrong.

The whole point is you START the bed time routine between 7-8pm so the child is settling down for bath, pyjamas, bottle and stories as part of a bedtime routine. Anyone suggesting that it is preferable to have a young child out in a restaurant at 9pm is prioritising their own wants as an adult over the needs of a young child. If they are out at 9pm then the bed time will be leading up towards 10pm which is way too late for young child. It has zero to do with wanting to dispense with your kids. Stop being such an ignoramus, thank you.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 08/05/2024 09:46

@Sharptonguedwoman

Just replying to the reply you made to me. Good you you an all.

jannier · 08/05/2024 09:47

WittyBird · 08/05/2024 08:15

ODFOD.

I clarified that I meant high chair. I slept midnight till noon as a baby and so did my baby. You don’t know us, or anything about us, so keep your judgy nose out. 🖕.

So you and your child missed all the benefits of playing with other children in playgroups etc which are mainly in mornings so lazy parents can lie in and party all evening. That sleep schedule is baby fits adults life you make your child nocturnal

Marinade · 08/05/2024 09:47

AhBiscuits · 07/05/2024 19:58

I really hate seeing poor, exhausted, small children being dragged around when they should be in bed. YANBU.

Totally agree, I can't stand to see self absorbed parents ignoring the obvious physical and emotional signs of tiredness in young children in furtherance of their own desire to stay out later as an adult.

jannier · 08/05/2024 09:50

mrsdineen2 · 08/05/2024 09:14

Well that's a mad assumption. Do you also assume that babies who don't eat solids will never do so? They'll always wear nappies? They'll never walk?

Or do you think maybe things evolve as they reach different stages and their needs change?

Edited

More like she means things revolve around you and you only change it when faced with school and fines.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 08/05/2024 09:50

WittyBird · 08/05/2024 09:40

its an absolute joy to be able to take her out of an evening (theatre, concerts etc) even on school nights. She knows how to behave because she’s always done it!

What is unusual about being able to take a teenager out in the evening?

LouDeLou · 08/05/2024 09:51

Beatrixslobber · 07/05/2024 09:29

We were recently in an amazing restaurant. We had been before and the food was amazing and the staff were great. This time however we were seated next to a table that were screaming and squawking, climbing and generally being disruptive. We didn’t react (although it was hard to hide it at times) but the waitress must have realised as she came and apologised and said that they would be leaving soon.

They were four adults. They should have been left at home with a babysitter.

🤣👍

mrsdineen2 · 08/05/2024 09:53

jannier · 08/05/2024 09:50

More like she means things revolve around you and you only change it when faced with school and fines.

Unlikely she means me at all to honest, she hasn't interacted with me, I've just asked her a question.

Oranitle · 08/05/2024 09:57

Marinade · 08/05/2024 09:41

The whole point is you START the bed time routine between 7-8pm so the child is settling down for bath, pyjamas, bottle and stories as part of a bedtime routine. Anyone suggesting that it is preferable to have a young child out in a restaurant at 9pm is prioritising their own wants as an adult over the needs of a young child. If they are out at 9pm then the bed time will be leading up towards 10pm which is way too late for young child. It has zero to do with wanting to dispense with your kids. Stop being such an ignoramus, thank you.

Oh Christ, not you again.

I’m discussing what I do with my children. If another family does things differently and that means they are still in a restaurant at 9pm, then that’s not an issue with me. Children are part of our society and there is no set rule that they must be in bed at a set time. You need to travel a bit or something, expand your horizons.

Of you go and name change then, ready for your come back ;)

mrsdineen2 · 08/05/2024 10:01

Oranitle · 08/05/2024 09:57

Oh Christ, not you again.

I’m discussing what I do with my children. If another family does things differently and that means they are still in a restaurant at 9pm, then that’s not an issue with me. Children are part of our society and there is no set rule that they must be in bed at a set time. You need to travel a bit or something, expand your horizons.

Of you go and name change then, ready for your come back ;)

Edited

I'd hoped sobering up would change her posting style. Sadly I think it's just her.

Marinade · 08/05/2024 10:02

Oranitle · 08/05/2024 09:57

Oh Christ, not you again.

I’m discussing what I do with my children. If another family does things differently and that means they are still in a restaurant at 9pm, then that’s not an issue with me. Children are part of our society and there is no set rule that they must be in bed at a set time. You need to travel a bit or something, expand your horizons.

Of you go and name change then, ready for your come back ;)

Edited

Dont be silly I was out last night and on the app so the names were switched. You are terriblyy ignorant to assume I have not traveled because I do not share your laissez faire and sloppy attitude to parenting. I have been to many countries. I still know how to raise my children, you should try it some time 🤔

Itsrainingten · 08/05/2024 10:04

Oh good. Another mumsnetter who thinks children should be treated as second class citizens. How original.
Obviously if they're screaming or rubbing around they need to be taken outside till they cool off, but well behaved kids should be allowed in restaurants whatever time they / their parents like!!
Personally I'd rather ban drunk loud twats thanks.

Marinade · 08/05/2024 10:05

mrsdineen2 · 08/05/2024 10:01

I'd hoped sobering up would change her posting style. Sadly I think it's just her.

Still smarting over the fact that you were caught out in your silly little attempt to show your ahem 'intelligence'? Totally understandable. Oh please try harder with your 'drunk' insinuations - really boring to hear this old trop rolled out again and again.

ATerrorofLeftovers · 08/05/2024 10:07

Robinni · 08/05/2024 09:34

@Plsdiscuss

I couldn’t get to the end of your post.

All it sounds like is - I spent lots of money so I expected an ideal, tailored to me, experience.

Wrong. You didn’t pay for a private dining experience therefore the rest of the general public are entitled to attend.

Not that it matters, but some don’t have family near and they may not feel comfortable leaving their child with a stranger. I have never used a babysitter or anyone not family as one of my DC has asthma, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving them with someone inexperienced with them and administering their medication, that’s my choice.

The only person who ruined your night was you. If you had fixed ideas that you wanted a child free venue then you should have phoned to check in advance what time children are allowed in the restaurant to.

You don't think a parent with a screaming baby should show consideration to other diners by taking them out of the restaurant until they're quiet?

LimeandCourgette · 08/05/2024 10:08

Oranitle · 08/05/2024 07:50

No it’s not selfish, how ignorant are you? What is important is following a good bedtime routine, and they’re getting x amount of sleep. 9.30pm- 7.30am is no different to 7.30pm-5.30am. Lots of the world put their kids to bed at 9 or later, are they all selfish because they aren’t following your little self imposed rule that it must be 7? This is a very western (mostly British) idea, simply in my opinion, because parents want a break from their kids! i can assure you it is not superior to force them into bed at 7, have all the battles and upset that come with a too early bed time, then complain when they wake at 5. Much happier children go to bed at a suitable time for them, 7 might work for some children but for some it’s far too early. We find around 9 is much better for our children, we actually get to spend some quality time as a family, eating dinner together and not having to rush through bath time and bedtime stories. We can have time for lots of cuddles and to discuss our days. No idea how you would do that with bedtime at 7!
Just because people do things different to you, it does not make them wrong.

I think for a lot of people it's to fit in with work. When my children were nursery age they were in bed by around 8 and woke around 6:30. If they were still in bed at 7:30 we'd all be late.
It's not because we wanted a break from our children, it's because our children were tired and needed their sleep.

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