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AIBU?

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Original poster

Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

144 replies

Atovell · 07/05/2024 00:10

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

OP posts:
mrwalkensir · 07/05/2024 00:14

5 days walking round shops and eating in restaurants! That's a waste of the Lake District...

mynameiscalypso · 07/05/2024 00:19

I agree with you totally that it's a waste and the kind of thing my ILs would do (adding in a cake and tea stop). But I also secretly love it because it normally means DS and I get to go and play outside or go for a walk or whatever and I therefore have to spend less time making polite conversation with them.

Thedogscollar · 07/05/2024 00:20

They're living in cloud cuckoo land if they are expecting this from a 2 year old.
Poor little boy, how boring and dull for him. At that age they love exploring and being outdoors.
As previous poster said, waste of time going to The Lakes if you're just going to eat and shop.

YANBU.

Mothership4two · 07/05/2024 00:21

I think if I went on holiday and was expected to eat out three times a day and just walk around the shops I would become irritable too!

Bee2222 · 07/05/2024 00:22

Sounds like it's been a holiday for your in-laws and not you or DS.
I would just chalk this one upto experience and not go on holiday with them again.
It sounds very much like they dictated the itinerary of what they would do as a couple and didn't amend it to allow for their grandchild.
Whilst I would love to potter round shops and eat lovely meals all day it just doesn't work with toddlers in tow.
Hopefully your DP supports you with this one.

AdoraBell · 07/05/2024 00:23

YANBU

5foot5 · 07/05/2024 00:24

I am normally a big advocate of getting young children used to restaurants, but this sounds excessive.

In fact I think I would start to get bored with this itinerary and I am a 60 something foody!

Mothership4two · 07/05/2024 00:25

My two were good as gold in pubs and restaurants when little (not sure how that happened?), but that would have tested them. Holidays should be balanced so that children can have some fun time. Holidays with small children are usually all about them. There's lots they can do in the Lake District to let off steam. Expecting to have a completely adult type holiday with a 2yo is pretty selfish IMO and unrealistic

Meadowfinch · 07/05/2024 00:25

They sound very dull and lacking in any consideration whatsoever. Stop going on holiday with them.

Mumoftwo1312 · 07/05/2024 00:27

Why did you join them for every single meal/outing? You could have (should have) done your own days out and just joined them for one of the meals in each day.

I only ever go on holiday with anyone on the understanding we do not need to be joined at the hip. Even including my own nuclear family - we recently went on holiday in the uk just the four of us, and regularly split up, one parent to one child. You could easily have done this - dp with ils, you with dc.

I've seen this misspelt on mumsnet "divide and concur". As in "you and dd go to the playground while I stay here and feed ds. Do you divide and concur?" Edit - that's how we jokily use the phrase since I saw it like that! I do know it's divide and conquer!

Sugarcoatedalmonds · 07/05/2024 00:30

My 2.5 year old enjoys eating at restaurants whilst we are on holiday but we make sure the bits in-between are very toddler focused - lots of playing in park, swimming etc

TizerorFizz · 07/05/2024 00:35

You surely didn’t go to L’Enclume!

Back to your question: totally unreasonable. Why didn’t mil look after DS so you and DH could eat out? Selfish I think not to offer. Also, doesn’t your DH want to be with your child on holiday? Is he doing any parenting? I would make your point about DS’s needs to DH. We used to do packed lunches at that age. DDs were ok in cafes but not formal meals. Sunday lunch was too long for example. A quick coffee and a bun - no issue.

geologyrockss · 07/05/2024 00:44

YANBU
My 18 month old is fine in all kinds of restaurants … IF he’s had an opportunity to play/run around already. 1 hour is perfect but any more is actually quite boring for both of us. He would start to get restless after that.

Thing is they’re so much fun at this age, and interested in everything! what a waste of an opportunity for everyone including your DS, to be stuck indoors in restaurants for five days instead of enjoying the Lakes with his family? a shame - next time, do all the toddler friendly activities you like and just pop to meet them for an hour of eating. Assuming the holiday is for everyone to enjoy equally.

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 07/05/2024 00:47

No 2 yr old or (child if any age) enjoys restaurants and shopping.

The GPs expectations are unrealistic.

TheSandgroper · 07/05/2024 00:51

MIL can do what she likes but your DP needs to grow up and into the new phase of his life. He is now the parent of a young child and all the demands that this brings are now his.

Although, some blokes don’t grow into new phases until they fall over it.

I am quite cross on your dc’s behalf, actually.

MariaVT65 · 07/05/2024 00:56

God no. I basically didn’t eat out at all while my son was 2. It’s tricky even now he’s 3 and a half. I only go to places where food is very very quick or instant eg cafes, mcdonalds, toby carvery. It’s the waiting he doesn’t like. And i don’t like to put plonk a screen in front of him so i keep him entertained myself, meaning i don’t get to chat much to whoever i’m with anyway.

JadeSheep · 07/05/2024 01:07

mrwalkensir · 07/05/2024 00:14

5 days walking round shops and eating in restaurants! That's a waste of the Lake District...

Right?! Why travel at all 🤣

sakilen · 07/05/2024 01:07

Definitely NBU. I'm quite pleased with the way my dd aged 2 can sit nicely to eat in a restaurant - she manages this because it's an occasional novelty, and it would only happen once in a day, and the rest of the day would be some playground time or other active play. As an adult I'd be very bored with eating out 3 times a day and shopping too!

mathanxiety · 07/05/2024 01:23

YANBU.

Hats off to you for making it through the entire five days.

I would have been sorely tempted to leave DS in their hands and leg it back home on my own.

Eejits.

coxesorangepippin · 07/05/2024 01:59

Totally unreasonable

Your ds only wants to be knocking around outside

Shame on your mil and DP for not prioritizing him

froggirl · 07/05/2024 02:21

Obviously it's unreasonable to expect this from a 2 year old.

But you are also being unreasonable for not being a bit more assertive and saying you will skip the restaurant and take him to the park or whatever.

You didn't have to follow along and do what they wanted to do all the time.

Minimili · 07/05/2024 03:07

JadeSheep · 07/05/2024 01:07

Right?! Why travel at all 🤣

Show quote history

It’s probably because it NEVER stops raining.

People think there is so much to do with such beautiful scenery and the amazing walks etc…
The truth is that 99% of the time it’s miserable traipsing about knee deep in mud with an icy wind blowing around you.

There are so many good pubs and restaurants in the lakes and it’s probably because that’s where everyone ends up after visiting Beatrix Potter world because they are fed up of being cold and wet. It’s definitely not an ideal holiday for a toddler apart from the two weeks in June that are summer.

Even on trip advisor people knock stars off reviews of businesses, hotels and restaurants because of the weather 😂.

For the money you spend if it’s a holiday involving children you are better off going somewhere with better weather and more attractions for kids. The last year has been so wet that some outdoor attractions have had to close because it’s not safe to be on an adventure playground or a zoo or petting farm when it’s slippy and boggy.

It’s a great place for friends or couples to visit when you can sit in front of an open fire drinking real ale or you have the stamina and endurance to do a proper hike. Unfortunately its a nightmare for everyone when people bring their kids into a restaurant out of the rain and they are fed up and bored.

Unless of course you are lucky enough to visit in those two weeks of summer, then there is plenty to do and it’s a completely different experience, it’s usually pretty dry in May but not this year, I’m feeling pessimistic and worrying there might not be a summer at all this year.

Seapsweetsesamethingy · 07/05/2024 03:15

Your two year old is perfectly normal. Your in-laws are batshit crazy.

MumChp · 07/05/2024 04:49

I would be bored. Don't holiday together.

Commonsenseisnotsocommon · 07/05/2024 05:09

Your MIL sounds like a self absorbed bore and unfortunately for you, your DH doesn't sound much better. Going forward I'd decline any invitation from her and book your own breaks and set the agenda. If she comes with you then you'll have planned it differently and she'll either have to fit in or not come.