Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

[Atovell]

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

God I would be bored with 5 days of restaurants and walking round shops. I would just have left them to it and gone off with the LO on my own.

I am 43 years old and definitely a foodie and I could not cope with 5 days of 3 restaurant meals a day and walking around the shops.

No, absolutely not realistic for a 2 year old. My 11 year old would be okay with it, but my 6 year old would be bored. I mean, really I would be bored! 😂One meal a day out, fine, though it would require one of us walking around outside with a toddler during long waits. But no way is it reasonable to expect 3 meals a day. This sounds like an adult holiday for adults who don't want to spend a lot of time outdoors. That's fine. But they should be taking this sort of holiday with other adults, not with a family with young children.

if anyone took me to the lakes and spent the days eating in restaurants and walking around shops, I would have the mother of all tantrums abandon them and do my own thing.

As others have said, why spend your time looking around shops every day when you're in the beautiful Lake District?! This clearly wasn't a suitable holiday for a 2 year old if that's what they wanted to do.

Goodness, I'd be bored and fidgety too never mind a 2 year old! I can barely get any of my kids to stay at the table in our own house so that holiday sounds like hell for me. There's no way I'd be doing shopping and restaurants every day with the kids. I'd have left them to it and done something else/eaten somewhere else with your child.

I'm not a parent but I'd never expect a two-year-old to sit in restaurants and cafes (or walk around shops) for hours every day. It's totally unreasonable. I'm sure he can sit and enjoy an ice cream sundae or a slice of pizza in cafe for a while, but three meals a day in restaurants watching adults spend an hour eating a main course is no fun at all for a two-year-old.

I love food, restaurants, pubs, stopping for tea and cake etc when I'm on holiday, but even I wouldn't spend all day doing pretty much nothing else! What's the point of going to the Lakes and not actually spending any time seeing the Lakes?

Of course your toddler was excited to see new things and wanted to run around; your DP and MIL are being ridiculous. They need to realise that if you have a two-year-old in tow, you have to accommodate them. It really doesn't sound as if your MIL is at all suited to holidaying with small kids.

A 2 year old can't be expected to sit quietly for hours on end with a bunch of adults. Is there a reason you have to follow everything your ILs do? Can't you take your dc and go off walking in the woods and exploring?
Why do you have to eat out 3 times a day?
Can you not do some food shopping and have breakfast and lunch at the cottage, or make up a picnic, get a takeaway and eat in some nights.
I don't understand why you are willingly subjecting a 2 year old to all this!!!

I’m 44 and that would have me climbing the walls 😂 You’ve had plenty of good advice here, but I think the point you need to hammer home is with your DP.

I understand it’s his parents not yours, but the split needs to be more equal (him taking him away and outside as well as you) otherwise you will fall in to the habit of it being you as the default parent and he carries on as if your child isn’t his responsibility/problem and doesn’t even need to consider what’s appropriate for him.

Why did you have to do everything together? I'd have said see you later I'll meet you at 5 for an early dinner.

There is no way I would have agreed to eat out 3 times a day and shop with a lovely toddler in tow! What about playgrounds, boat trips, picnics and the beautiful scenery!?

Completely expected that your child would be bored. I would be too! That's a huge amount of eating out! Some people really seem to forget what it's like to be a child. I remember my father in law once moaning that my 3 year old wouldn't sit still while he had a cup of tea. Said three year old had been in the car for 1hr 45mins and was desperate to explore!

I wouldn’t agree to go on holiday with them again.
Its really not much of a break for you as it seems like you are the only one parenting, which in itself is often harder away from home.
If your husband wants this type of holiday then maybe just he should go ( not for as long as 5 days ideally) and you stay at home with DS.
Of course I would expect him to do the same for you if you wished to do something with family/ friends.

Thanks for everyone’s replies. Just to answer some questions:

I did of course take him to the parks, fed the ducks, went on a boat trip etc. I think because MIL paid for the trip we felt obliged to join her for meals. It got a bit heated towards the end and I told them that they could go for their meals and I will take DS elsewhere.

I have suggested about doing a more toddler friendly break ie butlins but she will absolutely not even consider it. It’s her ‘worst nightmare’.

lesson learnt and me and DP have agreed it won’t happen again, or at least until he’s old enough to enjoy those types of holidays.

I was just frustrated and annoyed as I pre warned them that this would happen and they assured me ‘ we will all chip in and make it relaxing’. DP was getting stressed at DS as I think he was worrying about what MIL would think. MIL told me that her children were ‘ so well behaved and loved going out for family meals together’ and it made me question if my DS was behaving badly and not in a normal toddler fashion.

it’s lovely to hear that people agree with me and it makes me feel I’m not being unreasonable!

I hope that doesnt mean you won't be having family holidays? That's how it reads.

MIL may not like Butlins, but what does that matter? Do you have to go on holiday with her?

Probably when your MIL took her children out for a family meal it was once in a blue moon and a big treat. Not three times a day, for a week. Even I get sick of the hoo ha of a restaurant, all the waiting for service, waiting for drinks, waiting for food, waiting for the bill….. I’m with your son!!

There is a middle ground between your mil's stuffy restaurant holiday and butlins!

I don't believe for a second that when your DP was 2, his mum took him to 3 restaurants a day, 5 days straight.

Your son is behaving normally and your DP and MIL both sound boring and and inconsiderate.

How old are you?
30yrs ago? Mid 90s
25yrs ago? Early 00s
It was not common to take toddlers to restaurants. It wasn't that common to eat out often. But as we said. It's possible, you just have to plan around it. And when he us 3 or 4 he may well be great.

But there is an awful lot between Butlins and a gourmet granny shopping break.
There are some lovely independent holiday parks with loads of facilities. You can stay there, but still go out whenever yoh like, but with access to playgrounds and activities when you want them.

MIL needs to learn the Joy of a holiday with children is seeing things through their eyes! And as GM she gets to spoil him! She may not be interested in the zoo, or steam trains, but seeing a child get excited about a monkey or sitting on a train is so much better than a posh meal.

In my 40s and hate shopping. It's not just toddlers.

You’re right - however I’m not sure what that is at the moment? The original plan was 5 nights in Liverpool (I have been before but when I was with friends and childless!) but I said I don’t think Liverpool is a place for a toddler. It then changed to the LD.

I wouldn’t expect MIL to do Butlins I guess, however when she changed to the LD from Liverpool I thought it sounded more child friendly however I guess she had other ideas on what that meant. She did suggest the pencil museum for DS but I opted for the Alpaca farm for me and him!

I am feeling slightly more optimistic as DP now agrees with me and knows our DS will not enjoy sitting at a table for hours everyday.

we have booked center parcs and Butlins now, just us 3!

I litterally stopped taking my child out to eat at that age it was so awful .

YANBU

I’m 33. DP is 39 and MIL is 70.

agreed MIL won’t enjoy Butlins and I wld t expect her to come however I just wish she and my DP would have listened when I told them that we can’t do meals out all day etc as DS will be bored out of his mind! It seems no one cares about my opinion or DS enjoyment and expects me to pick up the pieces when it falls apart. my own mother doesn’t particularly enjoy Butlins either but she has said she will come along with us (we invited her) as she loves seeing DS happy and enjoying himself.

each to their own. Won’t make the same mistake twice!

JFC. I’m 50 and I’d have a tantrum if I had 3x hour long meals every bloody day.

It’s so un-enjoyable for us and everyone around us, I don’t know why she wanted to keep doing it! If I was her, I would rather go out on my own and eat in peace rather than listening to a 2yo shriek constantly 😂

You'll have a lovely time at butlins. I've got such happy memories of the just for tots breaks.

I'm not convinced that all parents of grown up children have accurate memories of the toddler years. To be fair I can understand why you'd want to block some stuff out.