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Original poster

Expect 2 year old to sit quietly in restaurants

144 replies

Atovell · 07/05/2024 00:10

Hi,

we have recently been on a holiday to the Lake District with me, DP, DS (2yo) and MIL. Firstly, I should add some background info.

MIL and DP are huge foodies and love eating out all the time. I of course enjoy good food too. However, whenever they are with my DS (2yo) all they want to do is go for lunch, dinner, drinks etc. up until he was around 2 it was ok, he would be kept amused by toys or us. The last 6 months has been more difficult, he won’t be interested in anything we try and all he wants to do is get up and walk and explore or go outside.

MIL booked a break to the Lake District for 5 nights for us all. I explained to DP that it sounds great however him and MIL can’t expect DS to be happy and content with being in bars and restaurants constantly. He goes to nursery 3 days a week now and on the other days we go to play group and meet up with friends with other children. DP said it would be fine and not to stress as it makes DS worse.

we have just got back from holiday and it was a nightmare. All they wanted to do was eat out 3 times a day and in between they just wanted to walk around the shops. After day 2 I explained that he’s bored and all he wants to do is be outside and play/explore. Plus he’s in a new environment and he was excited. I think the penny dropped for DP after a few days, however MIL kept insisting on going for meals etc. I would let them go inside and order and when the food was ready, I would take DS inside to eat. MIL is a very slow eater and takes around 1 hour to finish a meal and her drink. At this point DS was getting bored so I took him outside. As soon as he was outside and in the fresh air h was good as gold and so happy.

I’ve told them both that I don’t think it’s fair to expect him to sit at the table for hours on end each day and get annoyed when he gets bored and starts getting irritable.

is anyone else’s 2yo like this??? Would anyone else excited their 2yo to sit in a restaurant 3 times a day and not get irritable???

OP posts:
Toomuchgoingon79 · 07/05/2024 06:33

Totally normal for a 2 year. They didn't give any thought into how a little one would find sitting at a restaurant table for hours upon end. Next time politely decline the invitation, go somewhere kid friendly, wear your little one out during the day and have a nice meal in the evening.

Bee2222 · 07/05/2024 06:38

Minimili · 07/05/2024 03:07

It’s probably because it NEVER stops raining.

People think there is so much to do with such beautiful scenery and the amazing walks etc…
The truth is that 99% of the time it’s miserable traipsing about knee deep in mud with an icy wind blowing around you.

There are so many good pubs and restaurants in the lakes and it’s probably because that’s where everyone ends up after visiting Beatrix Potter world because they are fed up of being cold and wet. It’s definitely not an ideal holiday for a toddler apart from the two weeks in June that are summer.

Even on trip advisor people knock stars off reviews of businesses, hotels and restaurants because of the weather 😂.

For the money you spend if it’s a holiday involving children you are better off going somewhere with better weather and more attractions for kids. The last year has been so wet that some outdoor attractions have had to close because it’s not safe to be on an adventure playground or a zoo or petting farm when it’s slippy and boggy.

It’s a great place for friends or couples to visit when you can sit in front of an open fire drinking real ale or you have the stamina and endurance to do a proper hike. Unfortunately its a nightmare for everyone when people bring their kids into a restaurant out of the rain and they are fed up and bored.

Unless of course you are lucky enough to visit in those two weeks of summer, then there is plenty to do and it’s a completely different experience, it’s usually pretty dry in May but not this year, I’m feeling pessimistic and worrying there might not be a summer at all this year.

Show quote history

Had to laugh at this.
We did the lakes once with young kids. It was not the place for us, for all the reasons you state lol.

WhatNoRaisins · 07/05/2024 06:38

I consider mine pretty good at eating out (they didn't get it from me) but not 3 times a day. That's a lot to ask from a toddler. I'd be knowing my limits and not joining them for every meal.

AnxiousRabbit · 07/05/2024 06:41

In my experience A 2yr old can sit in a restaurant for up.to 90 minutes...with the right distractions, if it has been arranged to suit their normal routine, if they have had appropriate naps and activities earlier in the day.
Doing it 3 times a day, with nothing but shops in between sounds like a nightmare for my teens let alone a 2yr old

GRex · 07/05/2024 07:02

It's too much. Now he's getting older, you can book activities that will suit him better and have them work around that... or not. I'm not sure what they expected though; at that age my mum and MIL would go to the playground, farm, or at most a garden centre with him. Mind you, we couldn't shop because of covid, so maybe I just have knowledge gaps!

Imisscoffee2021 · 07/05/2024 07:11

I have an aunt like this who says I spoil my baby because I feed him when he's hungry and cuddle him when he cries ... but she has no children so I don't blame her. I had no idea what it was to parent a child before having one myself! But people who have had kids to forget so resolutely and expect a two year old to sit there for over an hour three times a day is mind boggling, and as a PP said, a huge waste of the Lakes!

Supermomdiggingupthelawn · 07/05/2024 07:49

2 is the hardest age to eat out as they have absolutely no idea of what’s expected and no idea how to manage these strange customs that adults put on them. Our daughter is three now and can do a short lunch out, if she’s had a lot of exercise, been fed and is being entertained…. Anywhere too stuffy or protracted we end up relying on tech (yes, yes worst parent alive etc!!)

If your in laws insist on this going forward, tell them they need to be prepared for you to whack something atrocious on the iPad for the toddler (with headphones! I’m not a monster!)

trampoline123 · 07/05/2024 08:06

I agree, it's silly to expect a 2yo to behave like an adult.

ClonedSquare · 07/05/2024 08:06

My son (2.5) is very good at going to restaurants. He just has the natural temperament to be able to sit still for long periods and be content just talking to us or colouring. He never gets up or starts shouting or demands to leave the table etc. It's not good parenting, just how he is.

I still wouldn't expect him to last more than an hour (including ordering and waiting for food time) and not three times a day. The grandparents are being incredibly unreasonable.

Coatsoff42 · 07/05/2024 08:07

This has been a learning experience for you all. It just doesn’t suit your son to have that sort of holiday.

The amount of time I spent getting up and walking around outside at restaurants, there’s no way I would be doing that 3 times a day. Your DS is a normal energetic child, YANBU. But YWBU to do it again knowing what you know now.

Lovemybunnies · 07/05/2024 08:08

We stopped eating out for a while when my youngest DD was that age as she was such a nightmare! They are being very inconsiderate and it’s not fair on you.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 07/05/2024 08:13

All our holidays centre around the kids at the moment because they are 2 and 4.
There's no way in hell either of them would be up for the holiday you describe.

Why isn't your husband doing some of the childcare. By doing it all, you won't let him see just how hard it is so occupy ds

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 07/05/2024 08:15

@Atovell why do you always have to go on holiday with your mother in law??? she should surely realise that sitting in a restaurant all the time with a 2 year old is no fun for anyone!!! you partner needs to grow a pair of balls and refuse to go eating and drinking all the time just to keep your MIL happy!

TheBirdintheCave · 07/05/2024 08:20

AnxiousRabbit · 07/05/2024 06:41

In my experience A 2yr old can sit in a restaurant for up.to 90 minutes...with the right distractions, if it has been arranged to suit their normal routine, if they have had appropriate naps and activities earlier in the day.
Doing it 3 times a day, with nothing but shops in between sounds like a nightmare for my teens let alone a 2yr old

Yeah our son behaves well in cafes and restaurants but visits to them always follow an activity or copious amounts of walking so he's ready to sit at that point.

My in laws have only just really started to realise that long lunches aren't possible if their grandson is with us. Said son is 3.5 😂

TheBanffie · 07/05/2024 08:21

I'd plan the next holiday and present MIL with a schedule of 4 hours in a playpark followed by a sandwich at the Booths' cafe then a trip on the Windemere steamer in heavy rain. 2 year old heaven!

Greydogs123 · 07/05/2024 08:28

If you choose to holiday with them again, then I would just join them for lunch or a tea stop in the afternoon. It’s unreasonable of them to expect a two year old to be happy traipsing in and out of shops and then sitting in a restaurant.

Bearbookagainandagain · 07/05/2024 08:29

We haven't been on lunch/dinner out with our toddler since he started walking for that same reason. What did your MIL say about your son's behaviour during the meals?

Our eldest is 2.5 now and it's getting a bit better, he is bit more interested in his food (couldn't care less before), a bit calmer generally and he can keep his attention focused on a toy or book for 15-30 min. We practice on short brunches indoor (30-45 min top), and the local pub outdoor area (1-1.5h top). We are nowhere near ready to take him for a full meal yet.

Cuppateasolveseverything · 07/05/2024 08:32

How boring for your two year old and sounds like no one is thinking of you having to manage it all.
Next time go off and do things that you and your two year old will enjoy. Invite them to join you. Then they can choose to spend time with their grandchild doing things he enjoys or carry on with their long dinners On their own.

Maddy70 · 07/05/2024 08:33

Why didn't you take your 2-year-old to play somewhere instead of the shops? Its ok to do different things while all together

kikisparks · 07/05/2024 08:38

We went to the Lake District with a toddler and had a fab time. We ate out 1-2x a day at cafes or casual restaurants- sometimes brought a picnic- and tried to keep that to under half hour for lunch and an hour for dinner. We struggled one time waiting for 40 mins for food! We brought books and toys to play with at the table and some places had crayons and kids menus to draw on.

When not at restaurants however, we were in play parks, going on forest walks, at the beach, feeding ducks, on a boat trip etc not just walking round shops, so DD was tired out.

ShadesofPoachedSmoke · 07/05/2024 09:12

TheSandgroper · 07/05/2024 00:51

MIL can do what she likes but your DP needs to grow up and into the new phase of his life. He is now the parent of a young child and all the demands that this brings are now his.

Although, some blokes don’t grow into new phases until they fall over it.

I am quite cross on your dc’s behalf, actually.

This.

I'd be mad if my DH didn't understand the needs of our child by age 2!

"The penny dropped" after a few days!! Really? He didn't think to discuss the needs of a toddler with his mother before the holiday?
Does he do much parenting, especially solo parenting? I'm going to take a wild guess at NO.

What a plonker.

WittiestUsernameEver · 07/05/2024 09:15

Wandering round shops for 5 days? How boring.

Bunnycat101 · 07/05/2024 09:31

Mine have always been good in restaurants and often get praised by strangers but I know their limits. Very long meals were difficult - more often than not someone would be taking a little one out for a walk at some point during the meal, when they were toddlers there were certain times of day when they’d have been hard. Eg at 2, they were much better with an early lunch or early dinner. I never tried to get them to sit down over nap time or when they were overly tired. On holiday, we’d always generally be doing things for them like swimming, playgrounds etc. And 3 meals out a day would have stretched everyone’s patience to the brink. That sort of set-up would have been difficult for even the most angelic of children!

Sharkknife · 07/05/2024 11:11

Not unreasonable, I have a 2.5 year old and my MIL is exactly the same. Thankfully she lives abroad but when we visit or they come to us, all she wants to do is posh restaurants really late or go round shops for hours. I know she'll bitch about any moments of fussyness to everyone she knows as well. It's stressful knowing someone is judging you when they're the one making the situation so much harder than it needs to be. There's no reasoning with her so we just grin and bear it for time we see them. No solutions but completely understand.

newyearsresolurion · 07/05/2024 11:16

Once a week yes but not everyday

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